Monday, November 15, 2010

30 Days of Truth: Day 8

Day 8 : Someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like crap....

The first thing that came to mind when I read this was my exes, and my parents, because they have put me through the wringer at various times in my life.

Upon further reflection however, I know that it was through my own decisions that they were able to get to me. I am the one who ran away from home at 15 and almost got myself killed in a car wreck. If I had been home like I should have been, I never would have been a passenger in that car that day. I am the one who chose my first husband over my family. I am the one who chose to stick it out with him even though he cheated on me from the day we met. I am the one who did not leave right away when the abuse started, because I was to proud to try to go home.

I was the one who chose to remain in fear of my father and not fight harder when they adopted my daughter, and later my son. ( Even though I had no resources to do this with..) I was the one who ran to someone else right away, and got myself in a similar situation. I was the one who still refused to do what I needed to do in order to get my life straight. I was the one who kept making the same stupid mistakes over and over and over again. I was the one who kept choosing the wrong people to align myself with. I was the one who submitted to my weaknesses.

I was the one who had the will to fight to stay alive, but not the will to fight for a quality life. I was the one who decided to withdraw inside myself for so long, instead of facing things head on as I do now.

The person who made my life hell and treated me like crap?

It was me......

1 comment:

Chatters said...

Wow very honest and heartfelt post. Made me think about how I have put myself through crap and have blamed it on others. For me personally it how I was treated as a child, and how I then continued this punishment myself has an adult. I had anorexia for many years, and while yes it is an illness, I chose to continue it. I chose to allow the illness to control me. I wanted to keep it, which is the only way I can explain it. Thankfully I have now put this behind me.

You have been very strong to able to fight your way out of the situations you described, it sounds like you have come through it stronger