Wednesday, June 15, 2011

WTFE Wednesday Dear Letters

Dear severe sunburn: Ow man. What the hell did I do to you to make you bbq my freaking legs? To the point I could not walk for a day and a half? Not to mention I took precautions and nothing else got burned. Harsh.

Dear Alex: I missed you for the two days you were away. A lot. Yet 10 minutes after you got back I was hoping you could return back from where you came. Go easy on me will ya? NO ONE needs to talk that much. 

Dear Jack: Thanks for taking care of me while I was in the throes of agony. But fuck man, how many dishes does it take to make a damn salad? I made a full meal tonight and did not use a fraction of what you dirtied up to make a SALAD. Love you, mean it.

Dear adversary who shall remain nameless: I WIN bitch. Suck on that for a while. 

Dear readers: I curse a lot sometimes. Okay most of the time. I actually tone it down a LOT for you guys. It chafes sometimes lol. So sorry if you are appalled by my language, but sometimes the situation calls for a good 'fuck.' In fact, you can fit the word 'fuck' into just about any sentence and make it work. I think it is probably the most versatile word there is.

Dear heat wave: 106 degrees in Florida is fucking stupid. This is not Arizona or parts of Texas. It is FLORIDA. Stop it. Rain. Do something besides roast us all. 102? Hot but not totally abnormal. 106? Insanity!

Dear Father's day: ( and mother's day and the 47 birthdays that are only weeks apart all year long ) I love my dad a lot, but he is impossible to please with gifts other than books and he has read everything under the sun. Can we have some holidays where we do not have to buy so much shit, or at least make everyone happy they have family who loves them every day instead of once a year? People are poor! People like me!

Dear Gordon Ramsey: I love you and I think there should be a channel devoted to showing nothing but your shows all day long, 24/7. Not on cable though. I live in the sticks, no cable and can not afford a dish, and I would be pissed if you made it and I could not watch it. PISSED, you hear me? Love you man!

I think that sums it up for today. Have a great rest of the week!


Dreaming of Jeanie said...

I'm totally with you on the "Let's not buy shit" slant. Hooray for winning against adversaries who shall not be named...I have several myself--it's good to win. I heart Gordon Ramsey, too. Kitchen Nightmares is one of my fave shows although it RUINS my dining out experience (good thing I can't ever afford to dine out). And fuck me running, fuck is fun to say. Sing it, sister.

Unknown said...

Kitchen Nightmare's makes me want to not eat out either, but I also managed a restaurant and I know how much work it took to keep everything clean, and saw the horror first hand in sister stores when I had to go and borrow or loan product. It is scary!

Luna Raven said...

One year I bought a bunch of different hot sauces and put them in a basket for my dad with salami and crackers. I found these little mini bottles of Tabasco he could carry with him and he decreed it the best present he ever got, ever (4 wives, 7 kids? I rule)

Get inventive and they have to love it! Unless of course, they are my mom.

The Traveler said...

I love Kitchen Nightmares. I always point out how much he cares about the people he's helping so he's not the anger management crazy guy they like to portray him as.
Winning over unnamed adversaries is always the best.
I have no idea what to buy for my parents either. Both their birthdays are coming up and I dread it...