Man I keep dropping the ball on this post every day thing lol. It does not help that it just so happened to fall during an unusually busy time for me. With Perth here, me getting back on my feet, Alex's birthday, the cancer walk coming up, and a zillion little day to day things, I just flat out forget about it. Friends seem to be in crisis, family needing me, things going on with Alex's school, me not feeling well...it has just been non stop. I fall into bed at night and think " Aw shit, I forgot to post today!"
It is just a very chaotic time for me right now. Not bad stuff usually, just busy. Today for instance I have a meeting with Alex's teacher at 10 this morning which is stressing me out a bit, then it is off to the library to get Perth a library card. I am trying to power read a book, The Help ( the book the movie is based on ) so I can give it back to my Mom so she can loan it out again, she has a waiting list for it. It is a great book and I spent a good chunk of time relaxing on the couch, it was needed.
I have some minor irritations going on at the same time as well, so that is not helping. Friends say they feel like I do not talk to them anymore, but when that person is hardly ever online to chat or email, what am I supposed to do? I hate phone calls, I do not like being tied down to one spot, although since I got a new house phone I can hear better so maybe that will help. I do not hear so well anymore, so I am self conscious about it and disliking talking on the phone is now a physical thing instead of just a mental one. Or, the mental issue stemmed from the beginning stages of the physical one, I do not know. Plus, these people never reach out to me much, I always have to go to them, so if they really wanted to talk to me, then how hard is it to send an email? I hate to sound unreasonable but damn, I am only one person. That street goes both ways! I can not magically make you appear online and actually sign in to yahoo or g talk or email, whatever we normally use to communicate, so don't get all up in arms that we do not talk like we used to. Not to mention these people are always busy too. I do not know, I just feel that it is unfair, and it bugs me.
Aside from the phone thing, I dislike having to look after other adults. I am not an alarm clock or a personal assistant or a reminder service. Alex is one thing, she is 7. If I did not give birth to you, I do not want to have to look after you too, unless you are ill or something, when you are fully capable of taking care of yourself. That is all I am going to say about that.
I probably sound selfish and whatnot but sometimes people are just unreasonable and it is a bit more than I can handle right now. I am still healing, still struggling with day to day things and I just do not have the energy to deal with other people's drama right now. Especially the ones who bring it on themselves. I will listen and read until my ears and eyes fall off, but I hate it when I finally want to talk to someone about MY problems for a change and they twist it around until it is all about them. Or, the ones who vent to you constantly but never even ask how I might be doing. It is common courtesy!
Sorry, I just had to get that out. I love all my friends very much but this is a busy and difficult time for me, and all I am asking for is a little understanding. I am not my normal self right now and will not be for some time. If you want to talk to me, then let me know, send me an email or something so I KNOW you want to talk to me. I am not a mind reader and if I do not hear from you, then I assume you are to busy or ill or whatever, and do not feel like talking, and you will let me know when you are ready again. I do not feel bad about it, life happens and there is no point in getting upset. I learned that lesson myself.
Sorry this is not a happy go lucky post, but even the most happy of people have bad days once in a while. I do not want to give the impression I do not care or do not want to talk to people, I just want the people in my life to realize things are a bit hectic for me and hard at times. I was here constantly before I got hurt and only three people talked to me regularly. Now that I am not here so much, suddenly everyone wants to talk and I get shit for it. Pfft. It irritates me! I had to wait for them to find time in their busy lives to talk to me and did not say anything about it, well damn it now you can work around me or you can just not talk to me. End of story.
Now please excuse me while I get another hectic day started.
I totally feel ya babe. I think too often people depend on us to be there for them, forgetting all along we need them to stop and listen to us too.
I totally understand and I honestly hope I never do that to you, if I do tell me.
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