I went to bed at one this morning, and I slept until one this afternoon. Twelve hours of coma-like bliss. I felt like a totally different person when I woke up. I wanted to sleep longer, but my muscles demanded that I get up.
I have done nothing today, other than make a simple dinner of deconstructed pot pie and mashed potatoes, and cleaning up the dishes. It is hard for me to just sit and do nothing all day, but my mind, body, and spirit really needed the break. I feel much more like myself. I am hoping with another 7 hours of sleep tonight, I will feel great tomorrow after I wake up.
I am so excited for tomorrow. My baby girl Alex will be 8 years old. When I return home from taking her to the bus in the morning, I will go on a cleaning spree and get the house back into shape. Then, after resting a bit from that, around 1 pm I am going to make Alex birthday cupcakes. I am not the best sweets baker by any means, so I cheated and bought a mix. Alex loves Halloween, as she associates it with her birthday month, so I bought a Halloween cake mix, vanilla with little orange and black candy bits inside, and Halloween frosting...orange with little ghosts and witch and black cat sprinkles. She is going to love it. I also bought some balloons and streamers, and I am going to blow up the balloons, attach them to the end of the streamers, and hang them from the living room ceiling. We have been buying her small gifts here and there over the last few months, so now she has one of those giant gift bags full of little things. So when she gets home tomorrow afternoon, she will walk in to a room filled with dancing balloons in the air, a platter of spooky cupcakes, and a huge bag of gifts. I hope she is happy. This year will be so different for her, with Dad gone, and I really want her day to be special. I think she will be thrilled, and I can hardly wait until tomorrow when I can get it all put together.
On a more personal note, I am really hoping things turn a corner for me. I want to be myself again, and I am going to start taking steps to return to what I feel I should be.
One of the things I needed most was rest, and so I took it today. It was the right thing to do. Next, I need to get my house back in order. I HATE having a messy house, and over the last month I have been keeping it picked up, so as not to go totally nuts, but I have not deep cleaned in a while, and anyone who knows me, knows that having a messy place is not what I am about. So tomorrow I will get the place set back to rights, as it should be, and I know I will feel much better for it. I have not done my fall cleaning yet, and I am itching to get it done.
After that comes the task of getting things in my life organized again. My word is my bond, and I have been through so much the last month that I have fallen short of obligations I have made, and that really bothers me. Everyone has been understanding, and I am grateful, but again, that is not me. When I say I am going to do something, I do it, and falling short of that is a terrible thing to me. So I will get myself reorganized and back on track and do the things I said I would do. I do not want people to feel they can not count on me to do something because I do not meet deadlines. I have been very stressed over that.
There will be other things, but I need to get these done and out of the way first. Those are the big ones.
So thanks for hanging in there with me folks. I know I have been all over the place for a bit, but I am bound and determined to get our from under this black cloud, and let the sun warm my face once again.