Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Open Letter Wednesday!

I think I am going to make this a weekly thing here on the blog :)

Dear Government:

Is there a reason I have to jump through 45 flaming hoops that shoot laser beams just to get the stuff to renew my drivers license? Having to show 5 papers proving who I was before and after I got married seems a bit much. That goes for you too, Social Security Office. Your needed paperwork is so confusing and unnecessary it is pathetic. So yeah, you two can just fuck right off bite me.


Dear Dark Mother:

I am still hating what happened to your blogs. Please come back, we MISS you!!


Dear Royal Couple:

Best wishes and all but I REALLY could give a shit less about your big day. Would you care if it were my wedding day? Of course not. Same goes for me too. I know they went to school together, but didn't they first meet at a pub? If so, Did the Prince really pick up his future wife in a bar? Maybe they are more like us common folk than we think lol.. Okay, I am done with the bad jokes...for this paragraph anyway...


Dear Jack:

Thank you for expelling whatever bug crawled up your nether regions and died for the last two weeks. Those dreams of smothering you with my pillow while you slept were getting hard to ignore. Love ya, mean it!


Dear Ticks and Biting Flies:

Please go die in a fire and stay off of my family. K thx bai.


Dear Left Over Cookies and Creme Easter Bunny Candy:

I love you. Nom  Nom Nom!


Dear Self:

You just ate an entire solid white chocolate and cookie bunny ass. Karma, as they say, is a bitch, because guess where I am going to put about a pound of fat? Mmhmmm, right on both your ass cheeks. Enjoy!


And finally:

Dear Interwebz:

I still love you. I admit that I have been spending time with another electronic device. Those rumors that are spreading of people seeing me cozying up to the PS3 are true. It is not you, it is me, I swear. Maybe one day we can be together again like we used to be. I mean eventually I WILL beat the games I am playing, and hopefully by then you can forgive me and we can start over. Until then, try to move on. I hear the printer is single and she lives right next door on the desk! Ya'll should TOTALLY hook up!


Enjoy your week folks!

Please forgive the pic, but it made me laugh lol...


Tea Witch said...

I completely agree with all your letters today.

I am getting ready to have to renew my license myself...not looking forward to that.

And my interwebz is still closer to me than the PS3 sitting over there on the shelf. I know it gets mad at me for ignoring it...I know it does.

The picture....holy hell that's some funny stuff ;)

Ms. Espy said...

I needed to laugh, and thank you! Love your open letters! That picture at the end is to die for. Excuse the pun.

Tamara said...

lol I love your open letters and agree wholeheartedly with you on the royal couple and the drivers license things...uggggg! The open letter idea is a great idea and I wrote some last week on Wednesday. On the one i wrote about Comcast, they actually posted about it in my blog! hahahaha phssssh still won't change a thing.

Anonymous said...

Dear Crazy Witch:

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

Dark Mother