Sunday, October 09, 2011

Sometimes You Just Have To Scream...

I missed yesterday, I know, and I am sorry, but yesterday was a long tough day.

I try very hard to only post positive things about Jack and my relationship with him, out of respect and because 99% of the time, we are in a good place.

There is that 1% however, when things are not so great.

I do not usually post about it, but this time I feel the need to. Things have been very strained between Jack and I since I got hurt, because we were apart and I felt like he was not understanding to my needs and feelings of horrible depression and sadness and the fact I was in pain. I fully admit that half the problem was me, I was in agony and depressed and the pain and medication made me very unstable and angry and unreasonable. I felt like he did not care because he was not as upset as I was, because he was not there for me enough and seemed to be irritated at the fact he had to do anything for me when I came home on weekends. Granted, he could have been a bit more sensitive but he really was no different than he was when I was NOT hurt, so I am not sure why I expected him to totally change just because I was hurt. However I felt he should have at least made the effort, and it caused issues in my mind. *Never my heart, I still love him just as much as I did * I became sullen and petty, and he became angry and unfeeling and we ended up giving each other the silent treatment most of the time as tension kept building and building. Last night it finally came to a head after I wrote him an email telling him how I felt because I knew if I said it verbally it would not turn out well and I would not get all my thoughts out properly.

As we have Perth here with us now, the argument did not happen until late last night, in our bedroom. It got ugly and we spent two hours yelling and I was crying and we just blew up at each other. The tension had just reached critical mass and the pressure finally burst out of us. I said what I needed to say and so did he, and then, as fast as it started, it was over. The tension was gone, the horrible feelings of anger and frustration were gone and things were as they should be. That is just how we are to be honest. We hardly ever fight, and about twice a year we do that blow up thing and it is over and done with, and it will all be great for the next 6 or 7 months. This time was no different, it just seemed so much bigger than it was because we were both going through something totally new, me being hurt to this degree. I know this might sound bad to people but really, it is nothing major. Just letting off steam and its only verbal, never physical or anything like that.

Anyway, once it was over things were better, but it was two in the morning and I was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted and I decided to just go to bed. So no post for yesterday. Today things have been great and jack has made very obvious attempts to be more caring and understanding and I have gone out of my way to not be demanding and a bitch to him because he is not reading my mind at any given time. I tend to forget this did not just happen to me, it happened to everyone around me, and they have just as hard of a time as I have had, just in a different way. It has been a learning process and as he is a Capricorn and I am a Taurus, neither of us like change very much and me being hurt turned our whole world upside down. I am just glad it is over with, both of us have a palpable sense of relief today. He even cooked dinner for us.

So that is why there was no post yesterday, and hopefully since the air is cleared here it will ease up the stress we have been feeling and my mind will unlock so I can write again lol. I am doing my best for NaBloWriMo, but life is busy enough without me having an added level of difficulty trying to get around and heal from this broken ankle, and since I post at night after the day is basically over, so I can write about anything that happened that day, it is easy to be to tired to post.

Tonight I made another step in my recovery, I took a shower standing up instead of sitting on the footstool I use to sit in the shower with, and while it was a bit scary and made me tired, I still did it and I am proud of myself. I am looking forward to hopefully walking out of my doctor's office on the 31st without the boot, as my doc seems to think will happen.

That is all for tonight, Jack and I are about to make a late night grocery shopping trip...we feel the need to have a little alone time, all things considering. Have a great night and rest of the weekend folks!


Anonymous said...

Honey you both sound like me and Ronnie, we lose it about once or twice a year, blow off the steam and things are great for us both. It happens the great thing is as a couple you both knew that you needed to do this, get it out and heal. I find it wonderful you are taking some alone time together, you both need that too.

Faery Chaos said...

I wish mine and the hubby were only a couple times a year...but these last few years have seriously sucked.

At least it was quick and you're on the mend and healing.

Hopefully life gets even better :)