Thursday, July 12, 2012

Leave me out of it please...

In this modern age of social communication, we have the opportunity to meet a wide variety of people. Social networking friends introduce us to their friends, and we become friends, or acquaintances as the case may be. This is a great thing, and it broadens our friendship horizons, and sometimes you end up becoming very close with the people you met thanks to another friend. I have a handful of these people in my friend circle myself.

However, sometimes the friend you had and the friend they introduced you to have a falling out, and may stop being friends. Sometimes you end up being caught in the middle, even though you do not want to be. You have no issues with Friend A, and you have no issues with Friend B. The problem is between them, and has nothing to do with me. Yet, as has happened to me a few times, because I am associated with one friend, the other friend decides to cut themselves out of MY life because of the issue THEY are having with the other friend. This irritates me. I am not the same person as they are. I am my own person, with my own thoughts, my own opinions, my own mind, and my own feelings. I could understand it if I jumped to either Friend A's or Friend B's defense, or chose a side. I, however, do not do that. I have no vested interest in whatever their problem is. Unless it directly affects me, I really do not care what your problem is with each other. I may be sympathetic to one, or even to both, but I am not going to jump in the middle of it and make it about me, when it has not one thing to do with me. I will keep it to myself because it is none of my business.

If I am friends with you, and someone else, and I get pissed off at one of you, I am not going to remove the other one from my life simply because you know and talk to the person I am pissed at. You are not them. They are not you. So my problem would not be with you, and I have no reason to get rid of someone I have no problems with simply because you know someone I do not like or get along with. If that were the case, I would have NO friends, because I do not think I know a single person who does not know at least one other person I am friends with, be it online or in real life. It is ridiculous.

It does, however, let me know that the person who removed me probably did not think very highly of me, since they just lumped me in with the person they are ticked at, like we are one and the same. Most of the time I might not even notice I have been removed, if it is not someone I am close with, until it is pointed out or if the friend that is left tells me they had a falling out. Only one time out of several have I actually noticed it, and took steps to fix it. I went to the person, who I like very much, even if we do not talk often, and added that person back as a social networking friend. They sent me a message and explained why they had removed me, and told me they had no problem being my friend, but they wanted no part of the person that caused the unfriending in the first place, and if that was going to cause an issue then we should not be friends again. I replied that I understood perfectly, and that I was not the same person they were upset at, and had nothing to do with the situation, nor did I WANT to be in the situation, and I had no illusions about the person they no longer wanted to be associated with, and understood where they were coming from. So we became social friends again and there has never been an issue. But just tonight I find out it happened again and it really irritated me. I had no idea they had a falling out, it was not my business and even if I had known, it had nothing to do with me, and I would not be involved. But instead of talking to me, or explaining to me, or even asking me if I wanted to continue the social friendship even though they no longer wanted to talk to the mutual friend, they just got rid of me, like I was the same person the mutual friend is.


I am me. Only me. Uniquely me. Stop putting me in the same boat as any one else. If you are upset at ME, then by all means, delete me, but STOP deleting me because you are pissed off at some one we both know, especially when I am not even involved. I do not pick sides, and for the most part could care less what you two are fighting about. That is between the two of you, not me. I understand Friend A and Friend B have issues with each other, and I am sorry you are having problems. That is all ya'll though.

Also, do not expect me to choose a side. It is not going to happen. I am not going to slam Friend A just because Friend B has a problem with them, or vice versa. The problem the two of you have is, again, between the two of you. I am also not going to unfriend someone just because you have a problem with the other one. ( No one has asked me to this, I am just throwing that out there. )

I have had people get pissed at me, so they got rid of me, and they also got rid of mutual friends we had, simply because they were associated with me. That is really unfair. Sure, they might be my friend, and they might even be a close or a best friend of mine. That's just it though. They are my friends, not my minions. They have mind's and opinion's of their own. They are their own person. They are not an extension of me. They are not my clone. They are each unique individuals, and for you to toss them away just because they know me is a really shitty thing to do. It is a shitty thing to do to anyone.

So if you have a problem with someone, unless that person's friends are directly involved, stop throwing people away simply because they know the person you are pissed at. If they stay out of the fray, if they have not one thing to do with the situation, then there is no reason to punish the mutual friend. You could miss out on a really great person, and a really great friend by doing this.

( As a side: Yes this post was prompted by a squabble between friends tonight. No I am not upset at either party, and no I am not going to choose sides, that is just not the kind of person I am. I will be happy to listen to you vent, but it is my choice of who I want to associate with. Nor will I act as a go between, or do the he said/she said crap and try to stir up crap. I care that my friends are upset, but I do NOT care about the REASON, because it is  none of my business and has nothing to do with ME. No, no one has asked me to do any of these things, but in case any one ever tries to, my thoughts are written out here, so there is no confusion.)

So, do me a favor folks. If we have mutual friends, and you get pissed at one of them and decide to not be their friend anymore, leave me out of it. I want no part of it, and please do not throw my friendship away just because I know someone you do not like. Also, try not to do that to any one else either. It really IS a shitty thing to do.

Peace out!


Anonymous said...

Very well said thank you

Vickie said...

I am more than blessed to have you in my life. I completely understand where you are coming from and please rest assured I would never dream of *making you choose* which friends you want to have.

Out of all the chaos of the last month or two I have been reconnected to people I thought were out of my life for good. Luckily I can and do know how to have more than one friend at a time.

Much love... <3

Ryan Sutton said...

Right? Well said.