1. Family and Friends who understand:
I am so happy that the people who mean the most to me are understanding of the fact that times are tough right now, and I am not always available, and when I am, my brain is so shot out and tired I just want to veg, I do not want to talk about anything deep, and that I need to withdraw from the outside world for a while and focus on me and whatever I am going through at that time. I know it may sound selfish to some, but the ones who matter know that I have a lot on my plate and that I am not myself right now. Thank you, to those people.
2. Cooler Weather:
Fall is officially here on the calender, and thankfully the temperature got the memo. It is already much cooler at night, I have slept with my window open a few nights, and the days are not so humid and hot either. Winter is much harder on me now that I have lost some weight, and have a lot of metal in my bones thanks to breaking my ankle, so super cold temps are not much fun, but Fall weather is great. Nice days and chilly nights, where I can open my window and snuggle under my warm blankets are so awesome.
My Mom called me the other day, and informed me that the road leading back to where my Dad wanted his ashes scattered is finally repaired and open again, since being destroyed by Tropical Storm Debbie a couple of months ago. That means in a couple of weeks we are finally going to make that trip and scatter Dad to the wind and the ocean, as he wanted. I have come to terms with his passing, although I still miss him terribly, and I know he is "gone" and his ashes were just what is left of his physical body, but it makes me happy to know that soon we will be able to fulfill his last wish and set him free. A final send off, making it official, gives me a sense of comfort for some reason. Right now it still feels so unfinished.
Reading is one of the things that has helped me keep my sanity the last week, but also for most of my life. I have been able to lose myself in a few books this week, and I have welcomed the distraction they have provided. I even had a good friend gift an ebook to me that I have been wanting, which was awesome. If not for the books and being able to forget about what is happening here during the day, I think I might have lost my mind. They provide me with an escape from the crushing amount of stress, now and other times in my life. Books have saved my life more than once, and as dramatic as that sounds...it is true.
I almost made this into a top ten songs of all time post, but I want to include videos and stuff for that, and I have to do that early in the morning or after 2 AM on a weekend, so it does not go against my daily bandwidth allotment. Anyway, I spend a lot of evenings with my headphones on, once Jack is settled and Alex is home and settled, and can alert me if Jack needs me since I would not be able to hear him. I can sit here, and try to decompress, and block out the outside world, the annoying everyday sounds that just seem to grate on my nerves these days. It puts me in a bubble all on my own, which is very much needed. I can listen to sad songs and release my emotional pain, I can play upbeat songs to raise my mood, I can play edgy songs to let me get rid of my anger. It ranks right up there books, keeping me sane and offering me escape.
I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. On one hand, I adore to sleep, and hate to wake up. I love being snuggled in my super comfy bed, under my soft and warm blankets, in the dark, with the whirring of the 3 fans I have in my room to help me to sleep. On the other hand, I hate the fact that I HAVE to sleep. I have a schedule to keep, during the school week, which sucks. Even when I am exhausted, I hate the fact that I have to totally shut down my life (so to speak ) to recharge. I am fine when I WANT to go to bed and rest, I dislike it when I HAVE to go to bed, because of other things I NEED to do, while sleeping sometimes prevents me from things I WANT to do. Then there is the whole " TO tired to actually sleep" which is a special form of torture. I will not go into that now though, as this is a "happy things" post lol.
This one is probably shocking to anyone who knows me or reads here often, as I am a self-proclaimed night owl. However, in the morning, after Alex is on the bus, the mornings are starting to get cool, and I like being outside in it, and when I come home, Jack is usually still in bed, so I have a few moments of silence and the bliss of being alone, no one but the dog and I. Silence and being alone are two huge luxuries that I am not often awarded.
I really love logging in each day and reading what everyone has posted overnight. I do not comment often, but I read everything. I love taking time out to catch up on my blogging friend's lives, and see what interesting things they have posted. I get to lose myself in their lives instead of worrying about my own for a change.
9. Being a Gamer:
I play video games. Console games mostly, I am a die hard Playstation fan, although I do want an X-box 360, there are some titles and perks with X-Box that do not come with the Sony systems. I will play computer games when I find one that holds my attention, but usually there is a console version of most games and I much rather play those. Those are the ultimate distraction, I am actively participating in a different type of life, living vicariously in that fantasy world, if you will. The truth is, sometimes reality sucks, and when there is nothing you can do to change it other than give things time to happen as they should ( like healing from a massive surgery for instance *ahem* ) then there is nothing wrong with a little escapism in my opinion. As long as the fantasy world does not overshadow and take the place of the real world, then I see nothing wrong with it.
Yes, my baby girl. She drives me bat shit insane half the time, with her constant chattering, and even though I enjoy my "quiet time" when she is at school, by the time it is time for her to come home, I am missing her and the burst of energy she brings home with her every day. Sure, that means there is more to do for a while until homework, dinner, bathing, and hearing about her day went is finished, but the energy of the day changes the second she steps off the bus. In fact, it is now time to go collect my little fireball from the bus stop.
Have a great day folks!
YAY! I am SO glad you were able to write for a bit today. I'm thinking about you and sending you LOTS of love and healing for both you and Jack. Give him gentle hugs for me. <3
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