Sunday, April 21, 2013

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel empty...even on the best of days.

Nothing is exactly wrong, but nothing is exactly right, either.

Perpetual limbo is it's own special kind of hell.

Sympathetic murmurs and pity filled eyes everywhere I turn.

Surrounded by loving well-wishers.

Even while appreciated, words no longer help.

We still feel alone.

Avoided like lepers.

No one wants to be around the downtrodden.

Two tired and weary faces mirrored in each other across the dining table.

Looking for hope in each other's eyes, but finding only the same exhausted defeat.

Backs turned towards each other in the night.

Clutching our pillows; silent tears slipping down our cheeks.

Hoping not to wake the other as we plead silently to the Universe to answer our call.

Yet we each feel the shaking of the bed, as suppressed sobs wrack our bodies.

We each pretend not to notice, trying to preserve what little dignity the other has left.

Fake smiles and false laughter to reassure our reason for existing that everything is okay.

Hearts shattering each time her tiny requests have to be answered with "I'm sorry, but no."

Sleepy narcotic hazes that never fully stop the pain.

Bodies that work against us, making each movement a Herculean effort.

Positive thoughts and affirmations becoming harder to maintain.

Sleep is no reprieve.

Reality becomes the nightmare, for the nightmare is the reality.

Endless days running together.

Time drags on.

Sometimes I feel empty...even on the best of days....






















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4 comments:

Magaly Guerrero said...

Fill the empty with hugs and warm laughter from loving friends. Pour stories into its depths. Use as flying grounds.

Hugs!

Eliora said...

My gods, Bella, this took my breath.

Stevie said...

Bella,
This is so beautiful. Makes me want to come through the computer and give you a giant hug. ;) LOL!!

Kourtney said...

This was beautifully written if not heart wrenching. Many hugs for you and your family. Know that I keep you in my prayers each day.

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