Saturday, February 04, 2012

The Misery Blog...

That is what I should rename my blog I think. It seems like when ever I post there is always something awful going on. This post is no different.

As I may or may not have mentioned ( maybe not, it has been a while since I blogged last ) Jack got hurt at work and had to go to the doctor. Come to find out he "exploded" the last two discs in his spine, and has to go for a surgical consult on the 20th of this month. He is home on workers comp and some times that is nice, I like the time with him, some times it suffocates me because I crave my alone time, and there has been NONE in my life since I broke my ankle back in August. My ankle is doing okay, for any one who is still interested. Stiff and sore at times, but okay for the most part. I go back to see if those two spots that were not healing are actually healing yet at the end of the month.

On top of that scary bit of uncertainty with Jack, who may never get to go back to being a mechanic like he was...there has been a devastating development with a family member very very close to me. I can not say who, or what the illness is, per that persons request...but it is one of the most dreaded and feared diseases of all time, and kills an astonishing number of people every year. So I am terrified and upset and sad and worried all the time.

It is only the 4th day of the second month of the new year, and I really wish this were all a dream and I will wake up soon. I guess almost losing my Mom and Jack last year, along with breaking my ankle and that agony were not enough, fate decided I needed a bunch more crap heaped on top of my head this year too.

They say what ever does not kill you makes you stronger. If that is the case, I should be Iron Man right about now, but I am not. But, as always, I move forward, with a smile plastered on my face, fake as it may some times be, because that is what people expect, and because if I fall apart, every one freaks out. So I must keep on keepin on as they say.

The one good bit of news is that I no longer have a house guest. It was fun for a while but the reality of living in a too small space with some one that is very different from us quickly set in, and tensions rose. After a couple of days of roller coaster emotions when he was finding a new place to live, he finally found one and moved out this past Thursday. I am much happier, but there are things that I miss. It is much more relaxed here now though, and Alex has her room back which is great.

Jack and I have been power cleaning for the last several days, getting her room and other stuff back the way it is supposed to be. I finally finished painting my room the sapphire blue I wanted earlier today and I love it. We have a new headboard for our bed, and two new chest of drawers in our room, which is great. Also on the good news front, I have dropped four and a half pant sizes since I got hurt in August and I am very happy about that. I bought new clothes for the first time in years last week, and it was wonderful to buy clothes four sizes smaller than what they were the last time I bought something new.

I still write daily in my 750 Words thingy, but when it comes to blogging I have been shying away from it. I hate being the type who only writes when things are going wrong, it seems to me like all I do is complain or whine, so I decided to just not do it. However I miss my blog and my readers greatly. I hope people can understand that things are hectic and a bit overwhelming for me right now, and not hold it against me during the sometimes long absences. I know that one day things will get better. I hope any way. I guess I will have to take things one day at a time, and remember to keep breathing. It HAS to get better eventually...right??

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