Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Self Doubt...or something like it...

I consider myself a writer. A pretty good one, if I do say so myself. I am not a "light" blogger as I have heard in blogging circles, meaning I do not usually throw out a couple of paragraphs and call it a day. I am a "meaty" or "heavy" blogger, meaning I write long posts, usually about daily life but sometimes about deeper things.  It also means that I tend to write more when I am going through a heavy time period, either good or bad. It is good inspiration for me. I always want to write more, but sometimes I find myself with nothing to write about, nothing I think anyone else will want to read. So I rather be quiet than just yammer away about nothing, but I still long to write.

My friend Luna added me to a very interesting group on Facebook for women writers, it is a place of encouragement and acceptance and I really enjoy it. I love to find writing groups, and challenges, inspiration sites, prompts, things like that. I have a confession however. I feel intimidated by that group, and the people I have met through my writing, especially here as of late. Not the people themselves per se, because they are all wonderful people, but I am intimidated by their work. These women are life coaches, crafters, artists, poets, novel writing types. I am none of those things. I am a life blogger. I blog my life, because that is what I know. I paint, in abstract, because I can not draw, but I have not picked up a brush in years. I am not a poet. I have tried, and written some okay things, but it is not natural for me. It does not feel right. I can write fiction, but again, it is not natural to me. I can not sew, or knit, or crochet, even though I have tried to learn. I cook, and I am damn good at it, but I am afraid to put my recipes and pics out there because while it tastes wonderful, it does not look good enough to me to post. So I spend a lot of time wondering where do I fit in, where is my place is that group of remarkable women and people?

I am confident in myself for the most part, which is why this is a bit perplexing to me. I know how valued I am in my circle, but when my circle expands, I get something like stage fright. I do not feel that I am not good enough, but I do feel like I have nothing to offer these amazing people, because I do not bring any of the things they bring to the table. I feel I have nothing to offer them, because there is no artistic common ground. I can connect with them emotionally and spiritually I suppose, but I have that intimidation feeling and I do not like it. So it makes me wonder where do I fit in in the grand scheme of the writing world.

One thing that has been new and fun and helpful over the last couple of days I learned of through that group I mentioned. One of the members posted about 750 Words, which is a website that lets you journal basically, privately. No one else can read your words, and it lets you basically do a brain dump, and just get all the clutter out of your head so you can carry on about your day. The goal is to write at least 750 words a day, and it tracks you, and gives you little badges and visual rewards for consecutive days, word counts, things like that, as well as writing challenges from time to time. It also breaks down each day you post, and gives you fun little statistics of your post, like how you seemed to be feeling, how long it took you to reach 750 words, what your words per minute is, most common words, fun stuff like that. Other people can see those stats, but they can not see the post it was written about. I really like that and while I am only on my second day, I see myself using it daily. It certainly has helped me get rid of the mental clutter so I could blog the last couple of days.

I also signed up for a writing challenge for January that another friend invited me to participate in through Facebook, called A River Of Stones '12 and from what I understand it is a writing challenge to make you more aware of your life and the things around you. Click the link for more information.

I guess what I really want to know is am I an artist and of so, what kind am I? What kind of writer am I? I am not a "Mommy Blogger" nor am I one of those women who travel or write about fashion or things like that. I do not "make things" so I am not a crafter or whatever they call themselves..( But I sure wish I was! )

So...where do I fit in?


Judy said...

I'd say you are a writer who should not be intimidated by others' writing...just watch and learn for a while...it's good to start working with others who have different ways or are better than we...it's needed so that we can better ourselves...learn...just like a photographer looks at others' photographs...to learn...

Luna Raven said...

I was really surprised to read this! I so deeply feel like our spiritual connection is such a building block, I never worry that you aren't a painter/knitter/tap dancer ;)

But I also see where you're at as I too am in the midst of what I am calling 'a shifting voice.' I know and have found my voice, but as I am changing I have to sort out what is relevant *now*.

I look forward to being a part of this journey with you because I think you are just amazing & add sparkle and fun to my online world that trickles into my 'real life'.

Love you bunches!