I know it has been a few weeks since I have written, but it has been emotionally hectic in my life for the last month or so, and I have felt a great need to be alone with my thoughts and feelings. We are going through another huge rough patch financially. Alex starts school in 11 days and we do not have the money for clothes or supplies. My phone is cut off, and the net will be gone in 13 days too. They pushed back our mediation with the insurance company, due to a massive blunder on the doctor's part ( which of course I cannot go into details about...I will be so glad when this is all over. ) and we are hardly able to keep our lights and rent paid, much less the phone and net. I have called in all the favors I can, they are what have kept it on this long..so even though this is the only way I can really communicate...I will be offline for an unknown amount of time.
Hopefully not to long...but last time it was a few months. I just don't know.
In other news, I have an official diagnosis of what is wrong with me. I had an appointment on the 1st of August, where I found out I do not have Parkinson's, I have MS, ( Multiple Sclerosis ) Stage One. I am not surprised...I had a feeling that is what it was, and even had a doctor who was not treating me tell me it was MS based on what he saw when he talked to me.
I now have a different doctor, since the one I had is a long term Parkinson's doctor, not a MS doctor...so now I will have a female doctor whom I have yet to meet, who specializes in MS. I have to go back in three months and have another MRI of the brain done to see if there has been any changes. They put me on two medicines, well, back on one and added another, to help with the symptoms.
The doctor told me that I could be just like this for the rest of my life...or I could progress and not be able to walk or speak down the road. It all depends on my body and system and how it decides to progress.
On one hand I am okay...I feel the exact same as I did before, and now I know what I am facing for sure, so that helps. On the other hand, everything else is kind of falling apart, and I am having a hard time finding my "happy, positive thinking place." However, none of this is new, it is the same struggles we have been facing ever since Jack got hurt. Just right now we are in more dire straights than usual, because this time we have no other options. Before, even if it was a long shot, we still had choices. Now, we have none, and it sucks.
So I have not been very talkative. To anyone. Which is going to bite me in the ass later when I have no net and want to talk but can't...but I just do not have many words these days.
Aside from losing all my shit and finding out I have MS, everything has been great lol. Alex is well, although bored, since it rains all the time and we have not had the money or weather to go do anything all summer. She is looking forward to school and seeing her friends...even if she is freaking over not having her school supplies yet ( seriously, do you know how bad it sucks to have your almost 9 year old freaking out over finances? It is one of the most awful feelings in the world. ) Jack is okay, he sits around all day because thanks to the blunder, he has had no pain meds or any meds in over a month, so he hurts 95% of the time and can't do anything.
You know what? I should stop here. I already think about nothing else but this crap 24/7...you guys don't need to deal with it too.
I just wanted to let everyone know, because some people have been very helpful and concerned, that we do indeed know what I have, and explain my absence over the next however long period of time.
Thank you to those who helped, donated, lit candles, sent prayers and healing and everything else. I really appreciate it.
I hope you all are well and I hope to be back sooner than later.
Take care folks.
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