I think I am going to make this a weekly thing here on the blog :)
Dear Government:
Is there a reason I have to jump through 45 flaming hoops that shoot laser beams just to get the stuff to renew my drivers license? Having to show 5 papers proving who I was before and after I got married seems a bit much. That goes for you too, Social Security Office. Your needed paperwork is so confusing and unnecessary it is pathetic. So yeah, you two can just fuck right off bite me.
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Dear Dark Mother:
I am still hating what happened to your blogs. Please come back, we MISS you!!
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Dear Royal Couple:
Best wishes and all but I REALLY could give a shit less about your big day. Would you care if it were my wedding day? Of course not. Same goes for me too. I know they went to school together, but didn't they first meet at a pub? If so, Did the Prince really pick up his future wife in a bar? Maybe they are more like us common folk than we think lol.. Okay, I am done with the bad jokes...for this paragraph anyway...
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Dear Jack:
Thank you for expelling whatever bug crawled up your nether regions and died for the last two weeks. Those dreams of smothering you with my pillow while you slept were getting hard to ignore. Love ya, mean it!
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Dear Ticks and Biting Flies:
Please go die in a fire and stay off of my family. K thx bai.
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Dear Left Over Cookies and Creme Easter Bunny Candy:
I love you. Nom Nom Nom!
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Dear Self:
You just ate an entire solid white chocolate and cookie bunny ass. Karma, as they say, is a bitch, because guess where I am going to put about a pound of fat? Mmhmmm, right on both your ass cheeks. Enjoy!
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And finally:
Dear Interwebz:
I still love you. I admit that I have been spending time with another electronic device. Those rumors that are spreading of people seeing me cozying up to the PS3 are true. It is not you, it is me, I swear. Maybe one day we can be together again like we used to be. I mean eventually I WILL beat the games I am playing, and hopefully by then you can forgive me and we can start over. Until then, try to move on. I hear the printer is single and she lives right next door on the desk! Ya'll should TOTALLY hook up!
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Enjoy your week folks!
Please forgive the pic, but it made me laugh lol...
I see a lot of people around the interwebs doing Open Letters. As far as I can tell, an Open Letter is a letter to someone who may never read it or will never respond. Kind of a way to vent or get some stuff off of your chest without specifically calling out everyone who pissed you off last week or whatever.
I am in a good mood today, so it seemed a good time to do those letters instead of while I was seething with anger or crying over cat food commercials or something. (Seriously, some Fancy Feast commercials kill me!)
So here we go!
Dear Florida Gov. Rick Scott:
Really? Seriously? Asshat.
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Dear Winter,
Enough already! This is Florida. Go away. I bought Alex a ton of cute Springy skirts and outfits, and it is to cold for her narrow behind to wear them in the mornings. 30 degrees in the morning and 80 degrees in the afternoon is way to bi-polar for me. That make meds for that. I know, I take them.
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Dear friend who is no longer a friend,
Thanks for the love and memories but I am done. I am me, and I always have been, this is not a new thing. I will never back down, never change who I am or what I think just to make you or anyone else happy. So we don't follow the same path and feel differently about things. So fucking what? We always did. Just because we do not agree does not mean it is a deal breaker. Your pissy pettiness sure as hell is though. This time was the last time. Have a nice life and I hope your remaining days are filled with love and happiness. I mean that.
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Dear Colt Ford,
I love you man.
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Dear Soccer ( my Dog )
Your skating on thin ice dude. You know why.
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Dear Jack, ( I know, its sad, my husband does not read my blog lol. He says he is afraid of what he might read.. )
I freaking love you man. Your a total ass sometimes, but your also really freaking awesome and your my best friend. We are so much alike it is scary, and sometimes it causes problems, especially since we are both so stubborn and won't back down from what we believe in, but I know as long as we have each others back's that we can get through anything. It's a beautiful day in the Trailorhood.
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Dear friends,
I love you guys. For real. No matter how crazy or bi-polar or pissy or spastic I get, you guys always have my back and love me anyways, even if we disagree. That is a real friend. Not like the ones who leave if you have a different opinion about something. Ya'll rock.
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Dear Uterus,
Since you no longer serve any practical function in my body, maybe you could just go away? In this economy I could probably rent it out as a studio apartment or something and make some extra cash.....
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I think that sums it up for today. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I am off to play some Pogo!
