A Formal Apology.

I am coming to you today to give a formal apology over something I half unwittingly did...

It has been brought to my attention ( In a pretty crappy way ) that I made a mistake sometime in the last year and a half. 

Around that time, I, at the suggestion of a Pagan friend, joined the social community Pagan Space. ( No, I am not linking to that place,because once I joined,  I saw very quickly what kind of folks were there (I am sure there are good ones too, but of course the good ones are usually the silent ones, compared to all the asshats out there.) 

During my brief time there, one of the threads had several links to "free" Pagan books. There were several, and while I cannot remember all of the authors, one of them was very well known, which gave me pause, and the publisher of his books is known for cracking down and not giving away it's titles for free, which should have given me more pause than it did. As the author has been deceased for some time, I remember thinking maybe they were now free because a certain amount of time had passed. ( I knew very little of digital copyright laws and such. I have more education about it now. )  

While I did not download ( and I admit, it is mostly because I had the majority of the titles there in physical form, the ones that I did not have I was not interested in, and there was still that little voice.. ) because there was that little doubt in the back of my head, however I DID share the link with a very close friend. She in turn, because she trusted the fact that it came from me, went and published the link in her blog ( which has since been removed once we found out the truth. ) and shared it with her followers.

While I am pretty upset at the way it was brought to my attention, once I got over my shock and indignation at the way it was  handled, and how I was accused of some terrible things, once I removed the people and the emotions from the situation, then I saw that I had indeed done something wrong.

Even though I did not download anything, or publicly share the link, I DID pass it on to another person, instead of doing some research first, or contacting the publisher. So I shared a link to digital content that I was not 100% sure of the legality of, which in turn, because my friend trusted me, got shared with other people. ( Which I just found out about last night..I had not seen the post until it was shown to me. ) I contacted my friend right away and told her what was up, what I had done, and had unknowingly assisted her in doing, and she removed the post right away.

I was going to just let it go...it was not an intentional or nefarious thing...but I am not a thief, and I fully admit to my wrong doings and short comings. Letting it go was not the right thing to do, and it would eat at me until I spoke about it.

I feel terrible for not trusting my intuition, and for not taking the steps necessary to prove or disprove the validity and integrity of the download. I made a mistake, and unintentionally sent that link into a space it might never have seen if not for me. Now I know better, and as far as I know have not made the same mistake since, as I am now much more well versed in that subject, enough to know that you need to do some homework before clicking anything free on the internet.  

So for that, I am very sorry. I made a mistake, and while it was not on purpose, it was still wrong, and it is not something I do or condone. I have way to many writer and author friends and acquaintances, not to mention people who craft for income and have to deal with intellectual theft often, to not be aware of how wrong it is, especially now that I have read a lot of the laws and regulations.

Again, I am very sorry for this, and I swear to fully research anything of that type again before I share it with a single person.

I'm not sorry...

Lately I have found myself apologizing to a lot of people, for things I no longer feel I need to apologize for.

Things like this:

Me: Have you heard the song *insert song here* by *insert artist here*?

Other person: No, I do not listen to *insert musical genre here*, I only listen to * insert genre (s) here*.

Me: Oh, sorry.

Time will pass and I will be listening to that song or artist again and I will say something about it, and I will start off with: "Sorry, I know you do not like this but..." or I will be asked what I am listening to and will answer with: "*insert artist name here* Sorry...I know you do not like them, but *insert whatever comes next here*."

Or:

After not getting to talk to someone that I normally talk to due to them not being around, or because they do not get there until late, or if I had things to do and was not online until later, and I have a schedule to keep:

'Sorry I have to go to bed so early ( or already ) *even though it is 10 or 11 at night, which is my "bedtime" on a school night for Alex* but I have to get up early.'


Or:

'Sorry I did not call you because *insert lame excuse here*' when the truth is I hate talking on the fucking phone and everyone knows it. Strangers I have never met but have read anything I have ever posted on the net knows I hate the damn phone. Unless you are dying or in trouble, or have no internet, please don't call me...ever. I will do everything in my power to get off the phone as fast as possible. I do not enjoy talking on the phone, no matter who it is or how much I love or enjoy the person who calls, and almost everyone knows why too.

Napping ( I am the only person I know who does not nap all the time, lol ), personal preferences, smoking, ( seriously, so many of my online friends smoke and I did not even know it, because no one talks about it due to all the shit non-smokers give people. I smoke, but I am not a rude smoker. I only smoke out in the open air, and never around people who do not smoke, or in doorways or crowded places. I do not need shit from anyone about smoking. I am an adult and make my own choices, and I know the risks.) my schedule, shopping at Wal-Mart because no matter how terrible they are, I have to feed and clothe my family and I cannot afford to shop elsewhere most of the time, enjoying Facebook because there are so many haters out there, watching TV because it's evil and rots the brain, buying anything not essential for surviving because we are so broke all the time, therefore people think we should never buy anything for sheer enjoyment...all these things and more I find myself apologizing for, or being quiet about it so as not to offend anyone because of what I do with my own body or with my own time.

The really big one?

Food.

I seldom mention what I am eating anymore, because there is always someone who has some bullshit to say about it. I can't talk about eating meat, lest I offend the vegetarians, ( thank goodness the ones I care about most are not the type to give speeches and lectures or make asshole comments over the fact I eat meat. ) I feel that I can't talk about bread or grains due to all the gluten free or Paleo people having something to say about it. ( Again, the ones that matter do not do this, because they are not assholes. I am taking about the internet in general. ) Can't admit I like soda, because they will kill me, refined sugar and flour are the devil, if I eat an all veggie meal the meat eaters have something to say. It is just utter BULLSHIT. I eat as conscientious as possible. I buy organic food when available and as money allows. But when it comes to being able to feed my family, I will do and eat whatever we can afford that gives us the most nutritional value and enjoyment.

WHY do we DO this to each other? Why do we make others feel the need to apologize for living their lives they way they want to? It is NONE of anyone else's business what I put in my body or do with my time, unless it somehow affects them directly, in my opinion. Granted, if you throw out what you are doing in a public forum, then you open yourself up to other people's opinions, but since when did everyone's opinion become some negative filled type of oppression, or "My way is better than your way?"

We all need to stop it. Stop apologizing for existing. We all need to stop judging others and acting like our way is the only way, or the only correct way. What we choose to eat, what we choose to wear, who we choose to associate with, who we choose to love, what we choose to do with ourselves is no one else's concern. Unless I am directly affecting you, causing you actual harm in some way, not just offending your sense of correctness, then you have no right to dictate what I, or anyone else, does, or make anyone feel guilty about what they do. Right now the Senate is discussing the legality of same sex marriages and rights...but it is not just the Senate that needs to wake up. It is all the rest of us too. This is not YOUR life, or MY life, it's OUR life and we ALL have the right to live it as we see fit.

Stop shaming and shunning people who are different. You have the right to not agree with the things I do. It is not your right to make me or anyone else feel like shit about it, or dictate if I get to do it or not. So no, I am not sorry for living my life the best way I know how. You should not be sorry either.

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