Hindsight...

I thought things were going to be better today. Jack seemed in a better mood, but that did not last long.

I got a call from my Mom this morning, to tell me that last night, after we had been gone for a couple of hours, my Dad's breathing crashed, and  we were on death vigil again. He was doing so well yesterday, so it is a shock. They have him on 13 liters of oxygen, and they can only give him 15 before they have to do some sort of artificial respiration, which my Dad's living will forbids.

Mom went on to tell me that Dad has been asking to see Alex for a few days, but with him being moved to the rehab place and us having other things to do, the timing was always off. Everything he said yesterday seems different now. Before we left, he said " Okay, you can go home when you want, I saw what I needed to see.." and now it all just feels like he was saying goodbye, that he wanted to see us on last time. He was not lecturing me, he was making sure that when he was gone we would be there to take care of Mom.

I am eat up with guilt right now, and I feel a little lost. I guess now it is just a waiting game to see what happens next...

So I am going to sign off for now. I will post more as any new developments happen..