No Where To Go But Up: The Beginning.

I have had so many things swirling through my head to blog about. There is so much to share that it was overwhelming. After many nights of staring at an empty screen, I figured I might as well start from the Beginning.

I went offline August 20th or so. I was actually not spazzing as much as I thought I would. The first two days were rough...but I adapted pretty quickly. I read a lot.

From September through the end of November, things were rough. No income at all, ( long story that does not even matter now, but the gist is that the insurance company tried to screw us over once we agreed to a settlement. ) no more favors to call in, no one left to beg or borrow from. We just had no options left, and we just had to deal. We signed settlement papers in October. It was not anywhere close to what was deserved, but it was what it was and it was over. Then we found out it would still be another month before we got the settlement check. We still had another month at least to get through, when we already had nothing to live on.

Jack got very depressed, but surprisingly enough, I was totally calm.


There is a certain liberation...a sense of unexpected freedom when there is simply nothing you can do but breathe.

No options. No other choice but to just get through each day as it came. I felt serene and calm for the first time in a long time, even while part of my brain kept telling me I should be panicking. Everything worked out...just in time.

We limped along until Thanksgiving. As long time readers know, I am not a fan of the holiday season. This year was very nice though. Great non-traditional food, great time with the family. It was a nice day.

Two days later I was sitting on my back steps, crying my eyes out because we had gotten a notice of disconnect a few days earlier on our power bill, and as we were unable to do anything about it ( we had already been granted an extension ) and they were supposed to come out by 7 that evening to cut the power. We were already two months behind on our rent and were about to be served eviction papers. I was no longer calm, I was terrified.

I happened to look off to the right and saw our mailman had come an hour early ( I usually checked it when I went to get Alex off the bus ) so I trudged down to the mailbox and back. There was two envelopes from our lawyer, and I grabbed the one on top to open and I handed Jack the other one. He got his open first and it was just some legalese about the settlement. I finally got mine open and read the cover letter. At first I was confused...the letter made no sense, but as I moved it aside and saw the second sheet of paper, my eyes widened and I fell to my knees, sobbing.

Our settlement check had arrived...

Sick, but thankful.

I think I have the plague y'all.

Alex had been sick for most of the last two weeks, and I have been sick for a little over a week. It will just not go away. We have all these meds and I have cleaned and sprayed disinfectant on everything. It sucks.

We had to miss Thanksgiving with my Mother because of it. As long time readers know, she only has the bottom half of her lungs. She had to have the top removed due to advanced COPD 7 or 8 years ago now. So we could not be around her, as if she gets a chest cold it can kill her. She was so nice though, when I called her Wednesday to cancel, she said that she would bring us plates on Thanksgiving so we would not miss out on all the yummy food. She called me and told me she was going to leave it on my steps, so I would not infect her lol. I stood in the doorway and waved and talked to her across the yard for few, and brought the food in. It was so good! I am still bummed I did not get to go over there though. This illness picked a bad time to present itself!

However, we will still get to celebrate. We got the stuff to make our own Thanksgiving dinner with a friend whom we do not get to see very much anymore, and Jack and I are going to cook a big dinner on Sunday. Jack is going to smoke a turkey, and I have a huge spread planned. I am excited, it should be great. I am just hoping I feel good enough to cook. This cold is kicking my ass. I am taking one more day of rest today, as tomorrow we will be power cleaning to get ready for Sunday, we we can cook and not worry about having to clean too.

I wish I had a nice huge house, so I could invite my Mom and a few other people...I would love to take over Thanksgiving every year, and let Mom not have to worry about it anymore, but I live in a postage stamp...we do not even have a kitchen table, so I can never invite more people than can fit on my furniture in my living room lol. Maybe one day :)

So that is where I have been. I have not been around to much, other than playing games on FB...that is all I have had the mental and physical energy for. I miss all of you guys and gals so much though, and I was bummed that I did not post here on Thanksgiving, so I had to come in today and suck it up long enough to let you all know that I am alive, and I am so very thankful for all of you. I have met some of the most amazing people because of my blog, and I am happy to call so many of you friends. I hope that those who celebrated had a wonderful day, and everyone else too.

I have so many things planned for the blog, so many ideas...I just need to get rid of this crud and get back on my feet.  I do not get sick often, but when I do, it more than makes up for time missed lol.

I love you folks, and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I will be back soon!

Holiday Cheer!

I am really getting into the Holiday Spirit this year. This is saying something. I usually DREAD the Holidays, it is always a huge stress inducer. We never have enough money for presents, ( Yes I know that is not what it is all about, but when you have kids, and love giving things to people as much as I do, it is a big deal to me ) there is usually family drama, and it is just an uncomfortable time for me, and I am always glad when it is over.


That is not the case this year! Thanks to some special people and special blessings in my life, I managed to complete my shopping already, and I was able to get some really fantastic things for both my kids and my parents, and I know they are going to be so happy this year. That makes ME so happy. Nothing makes me happier to give my kids something that makes their faces light up with joy, and this year it was really fun because my older two are young teenagers, and the things I got them are fine tuned to their individual personalities, instead of generic crap I usually had to get them.


This year things are different with the family drama aspect this year as well, because of some hard work on my part, and my Mom's part. For the last few months we have been working really hard ( especially me, since I was the one with my ass on my shoulders ) at repairing, or, more aptly, CREATING our relationship. She and I are closer than we have ever been, we spend a lot of time over there, and I have done my best to help her out whenever I can. I helped her with a big bill that would have really messed them up, in more ways than just monetarily, since my dad would have went off the deep end had he been aware of the situation. He spends money like they are rich, when they are not, and my Mom, who has fibro and only has half her lungs, works her ass off for insurance and to survive, because what my dad makes off his paltry social security is a joke. Dad does not seem to realize this and spends money like a rock star. 


So I helped out in a crunch for her, which started the ball rolling, and then I starting doing little things every time I go over, like running the vac at her place, which is a job, they have a lot of carpet, and helping her clean and cook and such when I can. This Thanksgiving I was so excited, I made a lot of stuff and helped with the prep of her own stuff, so she would not have so much to do, and could enjoy the day instead of being exhausted from cooking and cleaning for a week prior. She and I have gone shopping together, and we have hit some yard sales and done some fun stuff, and it has been so awesome, and I am so happy to feel close to her, I love her so much and having this new relationship with her means the absolute world to me.


Yule will be extra fun this year to I am hoping, since I have none of the gift giving stress, and I fully intend to help her with the Yule meal. My cheesecakes were a huge hit at Thanksgiving ( It was the first baked cheesecake I ever made ) and everyone raved about it. Mom told me that it was the closest thing to my grandmothers cheesecake she had tasted ( my grandmother died when I was 3 ) and you can imagine how good that made me feel. It was as if I could feel my grandmother there for a minute, smiling at us, her first daughter ( Mom ) and her first granddaughter ( Me ) and first great granddaughter. ( Mariah ) It was a magical feeling....


I also made a couple of casseroles, a corn casserole and a broccoli and cheese casserole, which came out a little dry, but it was the first time I had made either of those from that recipe, and I know how to fix it next time. I made deviled eggs, which mom usually makes, and they went like hot cakes. I also made peanut butter fudge, which was divine! Mom did not want to share LOL!  Rod, my Dad's best friend, kept asking who made the cheesecake and the eggs, they were so good, and mom said "Angel did!"    ( Bella is my craft name, for any new readers, my given name is Angela and my family and friends who do not call me Bella call me Angel ) and he said " Get out of here! Angel, what in the world has gotten into you? You are starting to cook like Judy!"( Mom )


That was the biggest compliment I could have gotten, my mom is a phenomenal cook! I just felt really close and part of the family, which is a major thing to me since I am kind of the black sheep of the family. It was a wonderful day, well, week really, I was over there 3 days in a row lol.


Yesterday afternoon, Alex and I set up the Yule trees. I have a small place, and no room for a full size tree, and I am not much of a traditionalist anyway, so we have two small trees. I have a red and silver tree that sits here in front of me, and a 3 foot lavender tree with white lights that I have sitting on a table in the living room. They are small, and kinda of scraggly, but we love them. I needed more lights and a few more ornaments, as some had gotten broken while they were put up in the closet, so Alex and I hopped in the truck and took off to the dollar store while Jack napped. I got two strands of lights, one for my desk tree and one to hang under the bar to add some color to the room, a pink tree skirt to accent the purple tree, and some ornaments. I also got a cinnamon broom, which smells soooooo good right here next to me. I looked at these cute mugs, from the fall collection, one was an apple and one was a pumpkin, but I did not get them. However, I thought about them all night and all day so Alex and I went back this morning and I got them, as well as another cinnamon broom for my bedroom.


Here are some terrible pics of the trees ( the ones without flash are so blurry, sorry, but I have very shaky hands ) and a pic of the cute mugs!

No the lavender tree does not lean, I am just over to the side of it as I took the pic lol. Look how cute those mugs are! Please ignore the desk stuff and stuff on the wall behind the bigger tree, that is Alex's Fall art she made in school lol.


I am going to make some glitter snowflakes or something with Alex later, to hang around the room, and we are going to go hunting for pine cones later, we are going to glitter those up too!


I am just so happy this Holiday season, and it is really showing in my actions and attitude.


This is going to be the best Holiday season yet, I can feel it!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Pic found at Clip Art Guide

I hope that you have have a wonderful and blessed day filled with joy, no matter what you are doing or where you are.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

Why yes, it WAS a Happy Thanksgiving!

 Oh it was all that I hoped it would be, and even more!

First of all I want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving, and I hope you all got to enjoy the day, no matter what you did.

Second of all, today was AWESOME!! I got woken up by the smell of cinnamon...under my nose. I opened my eyes to find Jack holding a plate of cinnamon rolls he made this morn...Hazelnut and brown sugar icing rolls to be exact and they were from scratch! I adore cinny rolls and he knows it, so he decided to try out a home made recipe and wow. I had three lol.

He had been cooking since he got up, and he had to run to the store after I got awake, and when he left I set to making an oreo cheese cake and started my eggs to boiling so I could make deviled eggs later. I also made the dressing.We had: Turkey Breast, Honey Ham, green beans and potatoes, dressing, sweet potatoes with marshmallow on top, Cajun rice, deviled eggs, jellied cranberries, and the oreo cheesecake, which we did not even eat yet lol.

Cajun Rice

                                                      

Deviled Eggs

                                                        

Sweet Potatoes

                                                        

Dressing

                                                         

Ham and Turkey

                                                          

                                                          

I did not take pics of the cranberries or cheesecake....and I had to add that Jack did not want me to post these pics because it was just us, so he did not make it "all pretty for presentation." But between the two of us, we literally washed dishes about 10 times, and we were starving, so I snapped pics and we dug in lol. So while it may not look like much, it was absolutely divine tasting. I just finished my turkey and cranberry sandwich so I am a happy camper right now.

It was just the best day. It was relaxing, and fun, we laughed and joked and talked, cooked together, watched a few movies, and relaxed. No fighting or being pissy or anyone yelling or stressed out like it would have been with the rest of the family...I am very pleased we got to do this today. We even got to have an hour of uninterrupted adult time, thanks to Alex taking an after dinner nap!

Jack even took a couple of pics, and a couple of them turned out ok. Here is my fav, of Alex and myself...

He caught me off guard here lol..

                                                

My Sassy Girl Alex

With the wind blown hair

                                                   

Remember me saying I burnt the old couch?

Here is the pic of it burning!

                                        

I think that about sums up the pics lol...

I also wanted to say thank you for the comments on my post yesterday...especially Ryan, what you said helped a lot. Sorry I scared the crap out of you lol..but I am glad to have helped. As it stands, one of the people I was referring to decided to just up and remove themselves from my life over it, but like Ryan said, sometimes you have to say what you have to say and walk away. On the other hand, sometimes you have to listen, and walk away, because that is what is best for you. I understand that, and wish those people well on their life's journey.

So now the evening is winding down, Jack's boss is on vacation this week, so usually he would use HIS vacation days and take a 4 day weekend, but as second in command, when his boss is away, he is the boss, so he has to be there, and Saturday as well..but the overtime will help a lot with Christmas coming up. He is in bed already, and so is Alex, and I am sitting here rocking out listening to the Paul McCartney concert on ABC...I am not a huge Beatles fan, but he was my fav out of the bunch, and he is singing all the songs I like!

If any of you go out in the commercialism war known as Black Friday, be safe. I would hate to hear of anyone getting trampled by the herd! I will be safe and warm here at home...eating cinny rolls and drinking coffee, and counting my blessings....

Love to you all!

*Music of the Moment: Hey Jude by Paul McCartney (Which is the song that reminds me of my Mom..Judy)*