Not usually, but that is what is happening lol.
Plans for the weekend got changed, and so did my Samhain night! Money was tight this weekend, with rent coming next week...so our plans were supposed to be going to drop Alex off at my moms today, which we did, and go to the flea market...which we also did. Tomorrow we were supposed to get up at the ass crack of dawn and go to the gun range, but having the gas money for Jack to get back and forth to work was an issue, so we decided not to go this weekend and go next weekend instead. Which is fine with me, if I am lucky it will be colder next weekend and I LOVE watching the sun rise in cold weather. It is about the only time I can be up with the sun and be sorta happy about it. So now tomorrow Jack will go get Alex more than likely and then we will be home to watch the race.
Tonight I was going to do my ritual outside, with a fire, but, just like LAST freaking year, it has been pouring off and on all day. Why must it always rain on Samhain? Florida. Got to love it.
Jack cooked tonight, and after we got home from the flea market and the grocery store, I was playing around on Facebook..but it was not the same. When ever I win at a game or something, Alex is usually cheering me on and clapping and she gets so excited....and tonight it just did not seem as fun without her here. SO I got up and started washing some clothes, because Mom gave me a cutie twin sheet and comforter set to go on Alex's new big girl bed. They were clean, but they smelled like my mom, which is not "home" for Alex, so I wanted to get the clothes washed so I could wash her bed clothes. So I did that, but even washing clothes was not the same, because Alex just HAS to put the clothes in the dryer for me...so even though not stepping on her every 5 seconds because she is my shadow has been nice, I have felt her absence pretty keenly tonight.
I cleaned the kitchen next, because I forgot to do it before we left, and then I went in Alex's room and started rearranging stuff a little, because we finally got her toddler bed taken down and moved so I had the room to spread her stuff out. It was time to eat then, so I did. Then I got a wild hair and decided to remove the fan blades from her ceiling fan and the cage and blades from her oscillating fan that sits in her corner, and clean them. I filled the tub with just enough water to cover them all and added some cleaner and let them soak while I went and folded and hung four loads of laundry. After I was done with that I went back and scrubbed the fan stuff and propped them on a towel to dry a bit while I put her sheets in the dryer and her new comforter and spare sheets ( that were on her bed ) in the wash.
After that I went and dusted her room, and I was going to start hanging wall paper, but I think I am just to damn tired tonight! Her comforter is in the dryer now, so all I have to do for that all to be done is toss that on the bed. Oh, the set came with a dust ruffle so I had to heave the mattress off and get that put on, and put the mattress back on. I went to put her blades back on the fan and I have a nerve disorder that causes my hands to be a bit unsteady at times, and it gets worse when I am tired...so trying to hold the blades over my head and line the screw up and twist the screwdriver with the other hand was just not working, I was shaking to bad. Jack put them up for me while I put her floor fan back together, and while I was doing that I decided I want to move her TV and VCR/DVD player to the other corner of the room, but, again, I am just to damn tired lol. SO I will probably work on that tomorrow as well before the race.
So far I have spent the better part of my Samhain night cleaning, but I do not mind, I got a lot done and feel pretty proud of myself, since some of it was a tough icky job like those fan blades. I do not even know the last time they were cleaned, it is a wonder they moved any air at all lol.
I am wondering if I will do my ritual tonight now...I actually want to sage Alex's room since she is not here to mess with it and I can leave it in there and not worry about her hurting herself...but as far as my burning ritual I might skip that. Or I might get a second wind after everything calms down ( Jack is watching a movie with the surround sound at like 40 bazillion decibels ) and go ahead and do it.
Either way, I have spent a lot of time today thinking about those that are no longer with us, and talking to them so to speak, and if tonight is any indication, my coming year will be a busy and productive one!
I hope everyone is having great evening, and love and hugs to all!!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Just wanted to say....
I hope everyone has a blessed Samhain, and a great weekend all the way around. It is a busy weekend for me, which is rare, so hopefully I will have lots of stories to share!
Don't forget to check out The Wandering Hearth all this weekend for guest posts from Jupiter Greenmoone, Ryan Sutton, and myself. Jupiter has already written hers and it is awesome. Be sure to check it out!
Have a wonderful holiday weekend everyone, and Happy New Year!!! *winks*
Don't forget to check out The Wandering Hearth all this weekend for guest posts from Jupiter Greenmoone, Ryan Sutton, and myself. Jupiter has already written hers and it is awesome. Be sure to check it out!
Have a wonderful holiday weekend everyone, and Happy New Year!!! *winks*
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Samhain Tidbit...
I have only skimmed most of the Samhain themed posts here unless they had personal stories attached to them...so feel free to skim this one as it has nothing to do with me...that one will come later..... I actually was not going to post about the typical "What is Samhain and Why is it Important to Us" deal...but I saw this and wanted to share....if anyone else has posted this I am sorry..
From: http://www.witchway
Samhain is popularly known today as Halloween, a contraction of the words "Hallowed Evening", and it retains much of the original form and meaning it had long ago in Celtic lands, despite the efforts of the Church to turn it into an observance of feasting and prayer for their vast pantheon of saints. The Church began calling it Michaelmas, the Feast day of St. Michael, but the old Samhain holiday proved to be too potent a drawing card for one lone saint to combat. So it was renamed The Eve of All Saints, or All Hallows Eve, which precedes All Saint's Day, and is still one of the holiest days in Catholicism.
The pagan Samhain is not, and never was, associated with evil or negativity. It has always been a time to reaffirm our belief in the Oneness of all spirits, and in our firm resolution that physical death is not the final act of existence. Though death is very much a part of Samhain's symbolism, this Sabbat also celebrates the triumph of life over death.
While it is true that Samhain is no more evil than any other holiday, it is also a fact that evil does exist, and pagans have always been aware of this. Our ancestors sought to protect themselves on this night by carving faces in vegetables to place near windows or at the perimeters of their circle. These were the forerunners of our present day jack-o-lanterns. These carved pumpkin faces are probably relics of the even earlier custom of placing candles in windows to guide the Earth-walking spirits along their way. Today it is still a custom inIreland
There are two possible sources for the origin of the Samhain Sabbat's name. One is from the Aryan God of Death, Samana, and the other is from the Irish Gaelic word "samhraidhreadh"Britain Ireland
This is also a time for harmless pranks, lavish feasting, circle games, and merrymaking which can be teasingly blamed on nearby spirits ;) (Ala
Samhain bonfires, called balefires in paganism, were once lighted on every hilltop inBritain Ireland British Isles these balefires are still lighted on Samhain to honor the old ways.
The idea that evil spirits walk the earth at Samhain is a misinterpretation of the pagan belief that the veil of consciousness which separates the land of the living from the land of the dead is at its thinnest on this night. This does not mean that hordes of evil entities cross this chasm. Some pagans believe this veil is made thin by the God's passing through it into the Land of the Dead, and that he will, for the sake of his people, attempt to hold back any spirits crossing into the physical plane whose intent it is to make trouble. In nearly all the Western pagan traditions, deceased ancestors and other friendly spirits are invited to join the Sabbat festivities, and be reunited with loved ones who are otherwise separated by time and dimensions of existence.
Some modern scholars claim that Samhain's traditional 'Trick or Treat custom was derived from a ploy to scare away fairies and other mischievous spirits, but it has overtones of being a custom of a much later period, perhaps one which grew up around the Burning Times. During the Burning Times, masking and dark clothing hid the identities of witches going to their covens so that they might escape detection.
The mask also had the added benefit of frightening away any inquisitor who might happen upon a lone figure in the woods.
From: http://www.witchway
Samhain is popularly known today as Halloween, a contraction of the words "Hallowed Evening", and it retains much of the original form and meaning it had long ago in Celtic lands, despite the efforts of the Church to turn it into an observance of feasting and prayer for their vast pantheon of saints. The Church began calling it Michaelmas, the Feast day of St. Michael, but the old Samhain holiday proved to be too potent a drawing card for one lone saint to combat. So it was renamed The Eve of All Saints, or All Hallows Eve, which precedes All Saint's Day, and is still one of the holiest days in Catholicism.
The pagan Samhain is not, and never was, associated with evil or negativity. It has always been a time to reaffirm our belief in the Oneness of all spirits, and in our firm resolution that physical death is not the final act of existence. Though death is very much a part of Samhain's symbolism, this Sabbat also celebrates the triumph of life over death.
While it is true that Samhain is no more evil than any other holiday, it is also a fact that evil does exist, and pagans have always been aware of this. Our ancestors sought to protect themselves on this night by carving faces in vegetables to place near windows or at the perimeters of their circle. These were the forerunners of our present day jack-o-lanterns. These carved pumpkin faces are probably relics of the even earlier custom of placing candles in windows to guide the Earth-walking spirits along their way. Today it is still a custom in
There are two possible sources for the origin of the Samhain Sabbat's name. One is from the Aryan God of Death, Samana, and the other is from the Irish Gaelic word "samhraidhreadh"
This is also a time for harmless pranks, lavish feasting, circle games, and merrymaking which can be teasingly blamed on nearby spirits ;) (
Samhain bonfires, called balefires in paganism, were once lighted on every hilltop in
The idea that evil spirits walk the earth at Samhain is a misinterpretation of the pagan belief that the veil of consciousness which separates the land of the living from the land of the dead is at its thinnest on this night. This does not mean that hordes of evil entities cross this chasm. Some pagans believe this veil is made thin by the God's passing through it into the Land of the Dead, and that he will, for the sake of his people, attempt to hold back any spirits crossing into the physical plane whose intent it is to make trouble. In nearly all the Western pagan traditions, deceased ancestors and other friendly spirits are invited to join the Sabbat festivities, and be reunited with loved ones who are otherwise separated by time and dimensions of existence.
Some modern scholars claim that Samhain's traditional 'Trick or Treat custom was derived from a ploy to scare away fairies and other mischievous spirits, but it has overtones of being a custom of a much later period, perhaps one which grew up around the Burning Times. During the Burning Times, masking and dark clothing hid the identities of witches going to their covens so that they might escape detection.
The mask also had the added benefit of frightening away any inquisitor who might happen upon a lone figure in the woods.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Totally Spectacular Monday...
Monday's are a bummer and a relief all at the same time....
I am usually bummed because Jack has to go back to work, and now that hunting season is fast upon us, he is gone more and more with my Dad on the weekends getting the hunting land ready......and Sunday's are usually pretty awesome because we watch the race and usually have a good day...
However, I am also relieved to a degree because the house is quieter and I get to put the house back in order. I love the man, but GODS is he messy lol...
This morning he decided to surprise me. I was sound asleep at 8:30 this morning, I had only been in bed a few short hours, and suddenly this ICE COLD body slides up under the warm covers with me....an adult MALE body....when only Alex and I are supposed to be home! My eyes flew open and I whipped my head around to see who in the hell was in my bed, and Jack was grinning at me. Well there was light streaming in my open window, and Jack leaves for work before daylight, so I glanced at the alarm clock and saw it was 8:30.
Him: Good morning honey...( all chipper, I have to add here that I am not a happy morning person lol..)
Me: *Grumbles* Why are you here...it is after daylight, and wtf, WHY are you SO cold??!!
Him: *Laughs* I took a vacation day because I did not get to see you much the last couple of weekends and I wanted to stay home with you, and it is cold because you left the house windows open and I have been sitting in the blizzard in my shorts for a cpl hours....
Me: Awww...that is sweet *Snuggles deeper into blankets* Oh, and PFFFT btw, its only like 65 in here, it is NOT cold!
Him: Pffft yourself, its cold, see? *Wedges ice cold leg in between mine as I lay on my side away from him*
Me: *Yelps* DUDE!! *Tucks blankets in between us as a barrier*
*Alex runs in room and does a flying leap into the middle of the bed*
Jack and I: OW!!!
Alex: *Giggles* Get up Mama...get up Da...the sun's awake!
Me: *SIGHS...drags out of bed* Is there any coffee left?
Him: No but I will make a new pot.....
SO I went to the bathroom and then put on some warm pants and went and sat on my back steps for about 45 min, sipping the coffee he brought me. After that I came back inside and plopped down here in my chair, and saw he had done some dishes....I dont know why or where they came from, since the kitchen was clean when I went to bed, but hey, least he washed them. Alex then decides she wants bacon. So he fries us up some bacon which I sit here and munch while he chops up leftover smoked chuck roast from Sunday to make into some of his infamous BBQ...( you know, the one the friggen cat rather eat than the mouse?? ) and that ended up being lunch, served on onion rolls. ( Yummmm ) He then cleaned the kitchen again. ( He is an awesome, but messy cook ) I had laid out some cubed steak for dinner, and we got to talking about something we are both pretty serious about, and that is homesteading and being able to survive when the world goes to hell in a hand basket. That is another post so I wont go into that here, but we got to talking about stocking up on non perishable food, and food with a really long shelf life, how to store it, etc. Well we own a dehydrator, and we had never used the jerky making kit that came with it.
After reading the directions, he decided to make a teriyaki jerky using ground beef....so I pulled some out of the freezer and he went to read on the couch for a while and I sat here. Well right as I was about to get up and start dinner around 5, he jumps up and starts rummaging around in the kitchen, getting pots and stuff out. I asked him what was he doing and he said he was about to cook dinner....
I sat back down in my chair and smiled....
So he made a kick ass dinner of cubed steak, english peas, corn in some awesome seasoning stuff...leftover tots from lat night, and leftover biscuits from last night. it was yummy. THEN he proceeds to start dough for cookies! Peanut butter and Hazelnut cookies to be exact. He mixes the dough and puts it in the fridge to firm up while he cooks and we ate, and then I cleaned the kitchen from dinner, and when I was done he started making cookies...and omgs they are AWESOME.
THEN he proceeds to make the jerky AFTER he cleans up the cookie making mess, and it is now almost done in the dehydrator...it is already done enough to eat..medium rare, about an hour ago, but it will be totally ready around midnight. It is good, we already snagged a piece.
So this wonderful man basically took a day off to cook for me lol. I dont think I have seen him wash dishes the entire 6 years we have been together as much as I saw him wash today lol.
After all that was over, I jumped in the shower with Alex at 8 pm, and got us scrubbed, and then dressed and dried ( hair ) and then I folded a load of clothes real quick and we settled in to watch Lie To Me at 9pm...which was awesome.
I even managed to accomplish the three things I wanted to get done in the house today, which never happens when he is here lol. I ran the vac in the whole house, swept and mopped all the linoleum in the house, and washed, dried, and folded 2 loads of clothes.
Now he and Alex are passed out and I am relaxing...waiting on the jerky to get done so I can put it up.
It has been a really awesome day.
Now this week I get to get Alex's Halloween costume ready, as she is going with my Mom and my two other kids, and she is spending the night with Mom, so adult time yay! Sunday we are getting up really early and going to the gun range, after a breakfast of Cinnamon Rolls, and then to get Alex, and then back home in time for the race, which is Dega baby!
I hate to add this at the end of the post, because it is a very awesome honor, but Lyon over at The Wandering Hearth has asked me to guest blog over at her place on Sunday, and I am SO excited and stroked, so look for that.
Thank you again Lyon for asking me, you have no idea how awesome it made me feel that you asked!!
Hope everyone had a great week!
*Music of the Moment: Little Miss Can't Be Wrong by Spin Doctors
I am usually bummed because Jack has to go back to work, and now that hunting season is fast upon us, he is gone more and more with my Dad on the weekends getting the hunting land ready......and Sunday's are usually pretty awesome because we watch the race and usually have a good day...
However, I am also relieved to a degree because the house is quieter and I get to put the house back in order. I love the man, but GODS is he messy lol...
This morning he decided to surprise me. I was sound asleep at 8:30 this morning, I had only been in bed a few short hours, and suddenly this ICE COLD body slides up under the warm covers with me....an adult MALE body....when only Alex and I are supposed to be home! My eyes flew open and I whipped my head around to see who in the hell was in my bed, and Jack was grinning at me. Well there was light streaming in my open window, and Jack leaves for work before daylight, so I glanced at the alarm clock and saw it was 8:30.
Him: Good morning honey...( all chipper, I have to add here that I am not a happy morning person lol..)
Me: *Grumbles* Why are you here...it is after daylight, and wtf, WHY are you SO cold??!!
Him: *Laughs* I took a vacation day because I did not get to see you much the last couple of weekends and I wanted to stay home with you, and it is cold because you left the house windows open and I have been sitting in the blizzard in my shorts for a cpl hours....
Me: Awww...that is sweet *Snuggles deeper into blankets* Oh, and PFFFT btw, its only like 65 in here, it is NOT cold!
Him: Pffft yourself, its cold, see? *Wedges ice cold leg in between mine as I lay on my side away from him*
Me: *Yelps* DUDE!! *Tucks blankets in between us as a barrier*
*Alex runs in room and does a flying leap into the middle of the bed*
Jack and I: OW!!!
Alex: *Giggles* Get up Mama...get up Da...the sun's awake!
Me: *SIGHS...drags out of bed* Is there any coffee left?
Him: No but I will make a new pot.....
SO I went to the bathroom and then put on some warm pants and went and sat on my back steps for about 45 min, sipping the coffee he brought me. After that I came back inside and plopped down here in my chair, and saw he had done some dishes....I dont know why or where they came from, since the kitchen was clean when I went to bed, but hey, least he washed them. Alex then decides she wants bacon. So he fries us up some bacon which I sit here and munch while he chops up leftover smoked chuck roast from Sunday to make into some of his infamous BBQ...( you know, the one the friggen cat rather eat than the mouse?? ) and that ended up being lunch, served on onion rolls. ( Yummmm ) He then cleaned the kitchen again. ( He is an awesome, but messy cook ) I had laid out some cubed steak for dinner, and we got to talking about something we are both pretty serious about, and that is homesteading and being able to survive when the world goes to hell in a hand basket. That is another post so I wont go into that here, but we got to talking about stocking up on non perishable food, and food with a really long shelf life, how to store it, etc. Well we own a dehydrator, and we had never used the jerky making kit that came with it.
After reading the directions, he decided to make a teriyaki jerky using ground beef....so I pulled some out of the freezer and he went to read on the couch for a while and I sat here. Well right as I was about to get up and start dinner around 5, he jumps up and starts rummaging around in the kitchen, getting pots and stuff out. I asked him what was he doing and he said he was about to cook dinner....
I sat back down in my chair and smiled....
So he made a kick ass dinner of cubed steak, english peas, corn in some awesome seasoning stuff...leftover tots from lat night, and leftover biscuits from last night. it was yummy. THEN he proceeds to start dough for cookies! Peanut butter and Hazelnut cookies to be exact. He mixes the dough and puts it in the fridge to firm up while he cooks and we ate, and then I cleaned the kitchen from dinner, and when I was done he started making cookies...and omgs they are AWESOME.
THEN he proceeds to make the jerky AFTER he cleans up the cookie making mess, and it is now almost done in the dehydrator...it is already done enough to eat..medium rare, about an hour ago, but it will be totally ready around midnight. It is good, we already snagged a piece.
So this wonderful man basically took a day off to cook for me lol. I dont think I have seen him wash dishes the entire 6 years we have been together as much as I saw him wash today lol.
After all that was over, I jumped in the shower with Alex at 8 pm, and got us scrubbed, and then dressed and dried ( hair ) and then I folded a load of clothes real quick and we settled in to watch Lie To Me at 9pm...which was awesome.
I even managed to accomplish the three things I wanted to get done in the house today, which never happens when he is here lol. I ran the vac in the whole house, swept and mopped all the linoleum in the house, and washed, dried, and folded 2 loads of clothes.
Now he and Alex are passed out and I am relaxing...waiting on the jerky to get done so I can put it up.
It has been a really awesome day.
Now this week I get to get Alex's Halloween costume ready, as she is going with my Mom and my two other kids, and she is spending the night with Mom, so adult time yay! Sunday we are getting up really early and going to the gun range, after a breakfast of Cinnamon Rolls, and then to get Alex, and then back home in time for the race, which is Dega baby!
I hate to add this at the end of the post, because it is a very awesome honor, but Lyon over at The Wandering Hearth has asked me to guest blog over at her place on Sunday, and I am SO excited and stroked, so look for that.
Thank you again Lyon for asking me, you have no idea how awesome it made me feel that you asked!!
Hope everyone had a great week!
*Music of the Moment: Little Miss Can't Be Wrong by Spin Doctors
Friday, October 23, 2009
Heeding The Call.....
The past few months have been a strange time for me.
I have been feeling the "call" to do some things that I would not normally do. Years ago I felt the "call" from the Goddess, and followed her willingly. Over the many years since then, I know I have been guided by her wisdom in a lot of life situations.
However, over the last few months these "callings" are becoming more and more frequent, louder, and more odd, from my point of view.
One of the setbacks for my entire life is I am (was, as I am getting out of it finally through some fierce determination ) a horrible procrastinator. If it could be done later, you can bet I would not do it until I HAD to. It is not until the past couple of years that I have really started to address this issue, and make steps to better that part of my life. I always did what needed to be done, but the lesser things I would put off until I had no choice but to do it.
Now, while I am not always bursting with energy to do it, I am much more diligent about getting things done and out of the way so I can do more enjoyable things. I also find that if I DON'T do these things in a timely manner, it starts to really bother me, and I find I can not think about anything else or relax until I get it done.
I have wanted to be a writer from a very young age. Because of the choices I made as a teen, which shaped my life forever, I felt like I missed the chance for that dream to ever come true. It was hard to pull out of the whirlpool...the downward spiral...that my life choices had sucked me in to. I have Jack and Alex to thank for that, because without them, I probably would have let the spiral take me. I was tired of fighting, tired of swimming against the current. Lucky for me, Jack got one of HIS callings at that time in his life, and that calling led him to me. For better or for worse, and believe you me, we have been through both....
But I digress...
I thought my chance to be a writer were over. Then I was fortunate enough to receive the physical embodiment of my muse in the form of my now best friend, Maia. She is the one who rekindled my love of writing. She is the one who encouraged me to start a Live Journal, which was the doorway to here, and then she was the one who kept kicking me in the ass to start my blog, because she knew I would keep agonizing over it, and fiddle fart around and keep putting it off. I could very easily turn this into a post about how wonderful she has been in my life, but that is another entry worthy of its own focus lol.
Last year about this time I had written some poems and the start of my Memoirs of a Crazy Witch series, which I amazingly had published by Authspot.com. I posted there for a few months but it was not exactly what I was looking for. I went back to my LiveJournal for a while but it is private, and only a couple people could see it, and I talked to those people all the time so it seemed rather pointless. So I stopped writing at all for a while. Maia then started kicking me in the ass again, and in addition to her, I was talking about it with another friend, who was just as encouraging as she was, and finally I bit the bullet, swallowed my fear and here I am today, with a slew of posts and 51 followers I never thought I would have. Pretty awesome stuff.
That was Calling Number One.
I have been a smoker for the better part of 16 years. With the exception of when I was pregnant and then breastfeeding, I smoked. My parents smoked ( back then anyway, my mom quit about 6 years ago and dad quit a few months ago ) all my parents friends smoked, most of my friends were older than me, and several of them smoked. ( I know I am just adding fuel to the "Children are more prone to smoke when then have parents who smoke" campaign but for what it is worth, they had nothing to do with why I started smoking, and I think it is a personal choice. My parents did not shove a cig in my mouth, and most other parents do not either. In fact I was still hiding the fact I smoked from my dad when I was 19 years old!! )
Anyway, smoking was just part of my life. I did not want to quit. I enjoyed it. But starting around my birthday this year, which was in May, I started enjoying it less and less. I saw that I was starting to smoke because I was bored, and it was something to do with my hands. I did not feel the need to smoke anymore, but did out of habit. Then I saw the only time I smoked was when I was sitting here at the computer, and waiting for my archaic dial up to load pages, which at times takes forever. I never smoked anywhere else in the house, and would flip out of a cig was taken into either of the bedrooms. We have 4 big time air purifiers, but she smell was still bothering me. So I started smoking less and less. Other people smoking ( Mainly Jack ) started to really irritate me, and I hauled a fan out to sit here and blow smoke right back at him, away from me. (Which I still do lol ) Finally, July 1st, 2009 I smoked my last cig. I then came down with the friggen swine flu for the next almost 3 weeks, so smoking was not much of an option anyway since I was doing my best not to cough my lungs out of my body. That was brutal. I have never been so sick in my life. ( For those interested, I did NOT take conventional Big Pharm Meds, I did NOT get vaccinated or get a flu shot, and I never will...*kicks soap box back under the table*)
I have been tempted a couple of times, usually when I was extremely agitated, but I have not caved. I am fast approaching my 4 month mark and I can tell you I don't miss it anymore. Jack still smokes, and it irritates the hell out of me, but he is an adult and it is his choice, not mine. But he has smoked less around me which is nice. It was a hell of a lot easier than I expected, and I have tried to quit before...unsuccessfully...
That was Calling Number Two...
Next in line is Yoga. I am still working on this one. I am a fluffy chick, with body pain issues, so I am still in the research phase of this one, other than doing a few stretching poses. I do not have the money for a dvd or anything, much less a class, so I am using the internet to learn. But it is a calling because all of the sudden it was in my face every where I turned. The blogs I follow, the stuff I saw on TV, and things that would catch my attention on the Net..all yoga yoga yoga....so I am working on that one..
That was Calling Number Three....
The most recent one came in the form of another passion of mine, Herbalism. Always drawn to it, it is a self study thing. No formal training, just a passion for the knowledge and putting it all into practice when I could to see the results for myself. I had let is slide a bit ( okay a lot ) in the past year, because I went through one of those " Dark Nights of the Soul", only mine lasted for most of a year. I turned away from most aspects of the Craft, ( not in favor of any other path, I was just at a standstill, and refused to walk down ANY path ) and my herbalism studies were caught in the crossfire. The last couple of months have really started me back down my path in general, and my herbs have jumped back out into the front over the last couple of weeks. I did not get to grow any this year, my seedlings drown twice in the freak monsoons we had this summer, and I don't have a good place to start them indoors, so after I lost the second batch I was so discouraged I did not try again. I think it is to late in the season to start anything, but I am gearing up for next year which is a good thing.
I guess I could lump all these into one "calling", which is to make myself healthier and to rekindle my passions in life, but I am a very analytical person, and I have looked at these things above from many different angles. I have never felt more open and receptive than I have as of late, and it seems that the Universe is seriously downloading some major info into my brain, and I love it.
It gets a little dark from here...and some will not like it, but you should all know by now I am a blunt person...
On the downside of things..although not for me, for them...it has also made me look at the people in my life, and I have gone through a weeding process. I had a talk with a friend a while back about Psychic Vampires, and how I felt surrounded by them at times. Not the evil ones who do it on purpose. I am talking about the needy, whiny, clingy and perpetually dramafied people that like to attach to me. Other people I have talked to about it, who know more on it than I do, say it is because I am a strong person, and it is a known fact that weaker people are drawn to stronger ones..( their words, not mine ) I agree with that to a degree. Not that I am saying I am better than anyone, quite the opposite, since I have a lot of demons of my own, but as cold and logical as I am, I still try to be nice to everyone, and be helpful when I can, but there comes a point when you just can't handle these Psi Vamps anymore. I was exhausted, no energy, all I seemed to see or read about from these people is how horrible it is and how their life has no meaning, no one understands them, woe is me crap. However, these people have several people trying to reach out to them, but they can't stop moaning about how horrible things are to see it, so those people eventually stop trying. I am a dark person, and these emotions do not usually bother me a bit, so when I talk to you and you depress ME, something is wrong, and I can't deal with that all the time, especially when I am being hit with SEVERAL of these someones at the same time. It was just to damn stressful. Helping a friend through a hard time, or being an ear to just listen is one thing. When this goes on for over an ENTIRE YEAR, I just have to say sorry and distance myself. In those cases, these people need more help than I can give, and it was dragging me down mentally, physically and spiritually to continue to try. In some of the cases, I stopped speaking to them entirely, and removed them from my life, got rid of them on the social networks if they were on there, and basically fell off the face of the earth to them. Some of the reasons for this was they started creating drama in MY life, and I am in a really good place right now, and refuse to let anyone fuck it up like I have done in the past. Others, whom I still care about, but need to have barriers of sorts right now while I work on myself, I have just distanced myself, talk less, things like that. Still others I have reached out to, only to have it ignored or flung back in my face, and I said to hell with it, you can sit there and be miserable and lash out but I don't have to put myself out there to get stepped on anymore. There is no reason for ME to suffer just because your bf/gf/hubby/wife/ex/best friend/boss/mom/dad/etc is a total and complete jerk. I am sympathetic until you start treating me like crap because of it. So for any of you who still read my blog, yet I have unfriended or drawn away from...sorry, I really am, but your just to much of a drain on me, and my family and myself come first now, instead of everyone else's problems first, and ours last.
Well now that everyone thinks I am a bitch...( oh I know there were one or two of you who still thought I was sweet an innocent, admit it! LOL...) I am going to close. I prolly should have put that last part into a separate post, but it was because of my callings that I did what I did, so I felt I should put it here instead.
Thanks for reading!
*Music of the Moment: Hair of the Dog by Guns N Rosesr*
I have been feeling the "call" to do some things that I would not normally do. Years ago I felt the "call" from the Goddess, and followed her willingly. Over the many years since then, I know I have been guided by her wisdom in a lot of life situations.
However, over the last few months these "callings" are becoming more and more frequent, louder, and more odd, from my point of view.
One of the setbacks for my entire life is I am (was, as I am getting out of it finally through some fierce determination ) a horrible procrastinator. If it could be done later, you can bet I would not do it until I HAD to. It is not until the past couple of years that I have really started to address this issue, and make steps to better that part of my life. I always did what needed to be done, but the lesser things I would put off until I had no choice but to do it.
Now, while I am not always bursting with energy to do it, I am much more diligent about getting things done and out of the way so I can do more enjoyable things. I also find that if I DON'T do these things in a timely manner, it starts to really bother me, and I find I can not think about anything else or relax until I get it done.
I have wanted to be a writer from a very young age. Because of the choices I made as a teen, which shaped my life forever, I felt like I missed the chance for that dream to ever come true. It was hard to pull out of the whirlpool...the downward spiral...that my life choices had sucked me in to. I have Jack and Alex to thank for that, because without them, I probably would have let the spiral take me. I was tired of fighting, tired of swimming against the current. Lucky for me, Jack got one of HIS callings at that time in his life, and that calling led him to me. For better or for worse, and believe you me, we have been through both....
But I digress...
I thought my chance to be a writer were over. Then I was fortunate enough to receive the physical embodiment of my muse in the form of my now best friend, Maia. She is the one who rekindled my love of writing. She is the one who encouraged me to start a Live Journal, which was the doorway to here, and then she was the one who kept kicking me in the ass to start my blog, because she knew I would keep agonizing over it, and fiddle fart around and keep putting it off. I could very easily turn this into a post about how wonderful she has been in my life, but that is another entry worthy of its own focus lol.
Last year about this time I had written some poems and the start of my Memoirs of a Crazy Witch series, which I amazingly had published by Authspot.com. I posted there for a few months but it was not exactly what I was looking for. I went back to my LiveJournal for a while but it is private, and only a couple people could see it, and I talked to those people all the time so it seemed rather pointless. So I stopped writing at all for a while. Maia then started kicking me in the ass again, and in addition to her, I was talking about it with another friend, who was just as encouraging as she was, and finally I bit the bullet, swallowed my fear and here I am today, with a slew of posts and 51 followers I never thought I would have. Pretty awesome stuff.
That was Calling Number One.
I have been a smoker for the better part of 16 years. With the exception of when I was pregnant and then breastfeeding, I smoked. My parents smoked ( back then anyway, my mom quit about 6 years ago and dad quit a few months ago ) all my parents friends smoked, most of my friends were older than me, and several of them smoked. ( I know I am just adding fuel to the "Children are more prone to smoke when then have parents who smoke" campaign but for what it is worth, they had nothing to do with why I started smoking, and I think it is a personal choice. My parents did not shove a cig in my mouth, and most other parents do not either. In fact I was still hiding the fact I smoked from my dad when I was 19 years old!! )
Anyway, smoking was just part of my life. I did not want to quit. I enjoyed it. But starting around my birthday this year, which was in May, I started enjoying it less and less. I saw that I was starting to smoke because I was bored, and it was something to do with my hands. I did not feel the need to smoke anymore, but did out of habit. Then I saw the only time I smoked was when I was sitting here at the computer, and waiting for my archaic dial up to load pages, which at times takes forever. I never smoked anywhere else in the house, and would flip out of a cig was taken into either of the bedrooms. We have 4 big time air purifiers, but she smell was still bothering me. So I started smoking less and less. Other people smoking ( Mainly Jack ) started to really irritate me, and I hauled a fan out to sit here and blow smoke right back at him, away from me. (Which I still do lol ) Finally, July 1st, 2009 I smoked my last cig. I then came down with the friggen swine flu for the next almost 3 weeks, so smoking was not much of an option anyway since I was doing my best not to cough my lungs out of my body. That was brutal. I have never been so sick in my life. ( For those interested, I did NOT take conventional Big Pharm Meds, I did NOT get vaccinated or get a flu shot, and I never will...*kicks soap box back under the table*)
I have been tempted a couple of times, usually when I was extremely agitated, but I have not caved. I am fast approaching my 4 month mark and I can tell you I don't miss it anymore. Jack still smokes, and it irritates the hell out of me, but he is an adult and it is his choice, not mine. But he has smoked less around me which is nice. It was a hell of a lot easier than I expected, and I have tried to quit before...unsuccessfully...
That was Calling Number Two...
Next in line is Yoga. I am still working on this one. I am a fluffy chick, with body pain issues, so I am still in the research phase of this one, other than doing a few stretching poses. I do not have the money for a dvd or anything, much less a class, so I am using the internet to learn. But it is a calling because all of the sudden it was in my face every where I turned. The blogs I follow, the stuff I saw on TV, and things that would catch my attention on the Net..all yoga yoga yoga....so I am working on that one..
That was Calling Number Three....
The most recent one came in the form of another passion of mine, Herbalism. Always drawn to it, it is a self study thing. No formal training, just a passion for the knowledge and putting it all into practice when I could to see the results for myself. I had let is slide a bit ( okay a lot ) in the past year, because I went through one of those " Dark Nights of the Soul", only mine lasted for most of a year. I turned away from most aspects of the Craft, ( not in favor of any other path, I was just at a standstill, and refused to walk down ANY path ) and my herbalism studies were caught in the crossfire. The last couple of months have really started me back down my path in general, and my herbs have jumped back out into the front over the last couple of weeks. I did not get to grow any this year, my seedlings drown twice in the freak monsoons we had this summer, and I don't have a good place to start them indoors, so after I lost the second batch I was so discouraged I did not try again. I think it is to late in the season to start anything, but I am gearing up for next year which is a good thing.
I guess I could lump all these into one "calling", which is to make myself healthier and to rekindle my passions in life, but I am a very analytical person, and I have looked at these things above from many different angles. I have never felt more open and receptive than I have as of late, and it seems that the Universe is seriously downloading some major info into my brain, and I love it.
It gets a little dark from here...and some will not like it, but you should all know by now I am a blunt person...
On the downside of things..although not for me, for them...it has also made me look at the people in my life, and I have gone through a weeding process. I had a talk with a friend a while back about Psychic Vampires, and how I felt surrounded by them at times. Not the evil ones who do it on purpose. I am talking about the needy, whiny, clingy and perpetually dramafied people that like to attach to me. Other people I have talked to about it, who know more on it than I do, say it is because I am a strong person, and it is a known fact that weaker people are drawn to stronger ones..( their words, not mine ) I agree with that to a degree. Not that I am saying I am better than anyone, quite the opposite, since I have a lot of demons of my own, but as cold and logical as I am, I still try to be nice to everyone, and be helpful when I can, but there comes a point when you just can't handle these Psi Vamps anymore. I was exhausted, no energy, all I seemed to see or read about from these people is how horrible it is and how their life has no meaning, no one understands them, woe is me crap. However, these people have several people trying to reach out to them, but they can't stop moaning about how horrible things are to see it, so those people eventually stop trying. I am a dark person, and these emotions do not usually bother me a bit, so when I talk to you and you depress ME, something is wrong, and I can't deal with that all the time, especially when I am being hit with SEVERAL of these someones at the same time. It was just to damn stressful. Helping a friend through a hard time, or being an ear to just listen is one thing. When this goes on for over an ENTIRE YEAR, I just have to say sorry and distance myself. In those cases, these people need more help than I can give, and it was dragging me down mentally, physically and spiritually to continue to try. In some of the cases, I stopped speaking to them entirely, and removed them from my life, got rid of them on the social networks if they were on there, and basically fell off the face of the earth to them. Some of the reasons for this was they started creating drama in MY life, and I am in a really good place right now, and refuse to let anyone fuck it up like I have done in the past. Others, whom I still care about, but need to have barriers of sorts right now while I work on myself, I have just distanced myself, talk less, things like that. Still others I have reached out to, only to have it ignored or flung back in my face, and I said to hell with it, you can sit there and be miserable and lash out but I don't have to put myself out there to get stepped on anymore. There is no reason for ME to suffer just because your bf/gf/hubby/wife/ex/best friend/boss/mom/dad/etc is a total and complete jerk. I am sympathetic until you start treating me like crap because of it. So for any of you who still read my blog, yet I have unfriended or drawn away from...sorry, I really am, but your just to much of a drain on me, and my family and myself come first now, instead of everyone else's problems first, and ours last.
Well now that everyone thinks I am a bitch...( oh I know there were one or two of you who still thought I was sweet an innocent, admit it! LOL...) I am going to close. I prolly should have put that last part into a separate post, but it was because of my callings that I did what I did, so I felt I should put it here instead.
Thanks for reading!
*Music of the Moment: Hair of the Dog by Guns N Rosesr*
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
For all you Esty and Craft Lovers!
I am about to do something I never do, so ya'll know this must mean something to me lol.
A year and some months ago I was fortunate enough to meet a fellow pagan online by the name of Maia. I found out shortly thereafter that she was also a crafter of spiritual treasures. At the time, she made bath salts and oils, perfume oils, soaps, ritual oils, special fabric binder styled book of shadows, and many other things. I bought a few bath oils and salts and perfume oils, and over time we developed a friendship and she sent me other things as gifts.
I have bought many other salts and oils from other pagan crafters, and they were great...but Maia makes each thing with specific intent, she pours her heart and soul into every single thing she makes. When I ordered from her, we were still acquaintances really, and the emotion and love I felt in these things when I simply opened the box was amazing. Using the products was a soul altering experience. I do not say these things lightly. I am a skeptic at heart, and for me to say such things means that they REALLY had a profound effect on me. I am a person who is triggered by smells, and one of the things to get me in a spiritual mood for a ritual or when I am doing a tarot reading or just need to reconnect with the Goddess, her products are what I turn to to help me make the mental shift in consciousness....
The reason I mention all of this, is because she has decided to begin making crafts again after a hiatus, and I am so damn excited about it I have to share it with you all. She had branched out a bit this time, and is now making handcrafted jewelry...necklaces and bracelets ( two of the bracelets I have on as I type this ) and maybe more in the future, and she is also making wood burned items, trinket boxes, Altar boxes, Altar tiles, jewelry boxes, wall decor, and bath salts and oils. She set up an Esty recently and has quite a bit added to it, and I really wanted to share this very special woman with you all, and the awesome things that she makes. I am one of those that refuse to mention a product unless I have actually tried it and tested it myself, and I tell you, over the many years I have been using oils and such, I have finally found the highest quality items, at prices that even perpetually broke me can afford lol..
SO I am pimping her out, and I would love it if you could check her out and see if there is anything that catches your eye. Be sure to click the "Request Custom Item" link, and check out the amazing Alchemy section to see the myriad of products and scents she offers!
So click on the link below and it will take you to her Esty shop...
Thanks everyone!
P.S. I tried to include pics but Blogger is being a pain in the ass so no pics, sorry!
Busy, busy, busy....
It has been a very busy few days for me. Alex's party was Saturday, which was great, and we had a really nice weekend all around. Yesterday I spent all day cleaning Alex's closet out, which has been the "Junk Closet" for the last 3 years we have lived here, so that has been fun. I am still not done yet either, but I am moving a bit slow this morning, since my legs are still screaming from making 400 trips up and down my back steps and across my yard hauling heavy boxes of paper and stuff to the burn pit.
I have a couple more blogs to write tonight, maybe even three lol. One of them about something that happened while I was cleaning yesterday, one about the weekend, and one all you crafty folk and Esty lovers will adore...so stay tuned!
More to come very soon!
I have a couple more blogs to write tonight, maybe even three lol. One of them about something that happened while I was cleaning yesterday, one about the weekend, and one all you crafty folk and Esty lovers will adore...so stay tuned!
More to come very soon!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Dear Alex..... (LONG)
5 years ago today was the best and most terrifying day of my life. I had been told two days before that I had horrible Toxemia and that in two days time, they were going to take you by C-section. I looked over at your Da who had turned pale, and I asked if you would survive. The answer I got from my Doctor was " I hope so.."
She also told me due to my history of difficult hypertension issues that I had with both your sister and brother, combined with the state of emergency I was in at that time, that if I got pregnant again, the chances are I would not survive it. If I had waited much longer this time, I might not have made it, as my kidneys had started to shut down. She told me that the best thing for me to do was have my tubes tied. I looked over at your Da and asked him what did he want to do, I had two other children, but this was his first baby, and they could not tell us if you would make it or not...and now any chances of future children with me were gone. I was scared for a lot of reasons. He looked at my Doc and said, " I don't care what you have to do, if she is not here (meaning me) then none if it will matter anyway for me...you worry about her health...". He looked at me and said " If it will keep you here with me, alive and well, sign the papers."
So I did.
Then she told me that I would be given steroids to try to speed up your lung development, and that on Friday, October 15th, 2004, that you would be brought into this world, come what may.
I was 28 weeks pregnant.
A lot of that week in the hospital is hazy. They had me pumped full of Magnesium to keep me from going into a seizure because my blood pressure was so high...and I had to lay on my left side 98 percent of the time, which I hated, as I am a right side sleeper lol. The steroid shots...I swear my nurse was a pro dart player, and my ass was her practice board lol. All the nurses I had were amazing. My day nurse was supposed to be off from Thursday night until Monday morning, but she came up there on Friday and hung around while they did the section on me...and that meant the world to me.
Your Da says he was there the night before, he spent the night, which the nurses said was true, but I do not remember it. He says I kept trying to give him my pillow all night because I was worried he was uncomfortable. He was the one who held me for my epidural at 5 am the next morning, which I do not remember either. In fact, the last thing I REALLY remember is the last steroid shot they gave me the morning before you got here. The next thing I remember is over 12 hours later, I suddenly became aware I was looking up into a person's face who was covered with a surgical mask and a paper shower cap...and then I saw your Da's eyes looking down at me, trying to reassure me...but I saw the fear there....
I felt you kicking me when they were cutting me open...they tell me there was no way I felt that, but you were up high in my ribs...I felt it. Then I said I hurt ( so I am told ) and the anesthesiologist ( who your Da said was very liberal with the pain meds ) shot a syringe into my IV and I fell asleep....and my heart stopped. Chaos erupted of course, and your Da said he called every ancestor, deity, power, God, or anything else that would listen and help to let us both get through this. Before they could even get a machine to me..my heart started again. The next thing I remember was your Da saying you were out, and I was crying, saying that I did not hear you cry, why were you not crying? Your Da said that is when you opened your little eyes and bellowed for everyone to hear and that all the nurses in the room has tears in their eyes and two of them clapped. I remember that cry, and it was the first time I felt real hope that you would be ok.
They wrapped you up and brought you over for me to kiss and then whisked you away to the NICU. Your Da stayed with me, because they would not let him go with you, so he stuck around for the tying of my tubes. He said it was a unique experience to see your wife's pieces parts..from the inside lol.
I do not remember much of that, the next thing I remember was waking up in recovery, and the nurse, the one who cried when you cried, was sitting there reading a book...and she looked at me, smiled, and said "Welcome Back"...and it seemed to echo in my head. Like I had just gone on a journey of the spirit, and she was the one to help keep me tethered to my body...very surreal...
After I woke up enough to be moved, they put me in a wheel chair an wheeled me in to the NICU to see you. You were so tiny....your sister was 7 pounds, your brother TEN, and you...little bitty you, laying there at 3 pounds and 6 ounces. They still had you in an open warming bed, so I could touch you for just a minute, I laid my hand on your chest, which covered 90% of your body, and you put one arm across my hand...and then they took you away to put you in the incubator. I have never told anyone this, not even your Da, but the entire time you were in that thing, I mentally called you my Little Baby Chick...because they are raised in incubators of a type on farms lol.
They wheeled me to my room to get cleaned up and switched from the L&D room to my regular room..which I hated. I did not want to leave my nurses lol. The room they put me in had eggplant purple walls, and it was right around the corner from the NICU...so I did not have far to walk when I could. I stayed put for the rest of the day time, recovering..but by this time I was sore and hurting, and could not get comfortable...and your Da stepped out that afternoon for a bit, so I decided to scoot down on the bed because my bed would not lay flat enough to suit me ( because the smarter than me nurse had locked my bed in place since she knew my stomach muscles would not work correctly as they had just been sliced open lol )
I slid down to the very end, and had my knees raised with my feet flat on the bed and it felt so good, I did not hurt for a minute....until I tried to move. I then realized I was stuck. I did not have the abdominal strength to pull myself up, or even roll over...or reach the call button, and at the time my room mate was not in the room. So I laid there for 30 minutes until your Da came back and helped me up after he got finished laughing at me lol.
After that we went to go see you in the NICU...and it was so hard to see your tiny little self there, in that bubble, and we could not hold you. You were amazingly healthy however, just tiny. You were only on oxygen for a couple of hours, your lungs were great, and you were only on the feeding tube for 5 days. I hated that thing. I did not like looking at it go up your nose and down your throat. It looked so painful...
I spent every second I could with you, just watching you sleep...twice the nurse had to escort me back to my room, I was so wiped out over the next couple of days. Then I got to start pumping with their Hoover type pumps...THAT was fun...I think I am still sore lol. 5 days pass and I was still in the hospital. As much as I did not want to leave you, I wanted to go home so bad. I wanted a full nights sleep just once, without a nurse waking me up to check my vitals every 3 hours. My Doc refused to let me go home for two more days...and I was still on that awful magnesium the whole time I was there, but my blood pressure did not want to stay down. Finally a week later they let me go, with blood pressure pills.
I cried and cried and cried when we left...because while I was happy to be going home, it was torture to leave you there. We went back up every single night you were there. I was not allowed to drive for 6 weeks per doctors orders, so every night after we ate dinner we headed to the hospital to see you and drop off the milk I produced daily. It was 13 days after you were born that we FINALLY got to hold you for the first time. A week later you got moved to the NCU ( No more intensive care lol ) and that is where you stayed for the next three weeks until we finally got to bring you home on November 16th, one month and one day after your birth.
Since then you have not slowed down. You did not have that "Delayed Development" everyone kept warning me about. In fact you started walking even before your brother did lol. You are still a tiny thing..and you have always been slender...but looking at you then, and looking at you now, on your 5th birthday...you have changed and grown so very much.
You are so smart, and wise beyond your years. You are the most loving and affectionate child I have ever seen, and every day you cover me with kisses and hugs and " I love you's".
You are my last chance for so many things, in so many ways, and I love you so much. You have taught me so much about myself, because raising you has been a very different experience than raising your siblings has been. I have had to deal with being that over protective mom that most first time moms are, even though you are the third, because I was so terrified that something was going to happen to you, that because you were so little that you were somehow more fragile...and you showed me how wrong I was lol. You are fearless and adventurous, and so very loving and trusting, and I can not imagine my life without you in it.
Thank you for giving me one last chance to get it right. Thank you for giving your Da and I the chance to raise such a special and beautiful soul, and watch you blossom and grow. Thank you for being the pure ray of light, whose smile can illuminate even the darkest of moods, who changes the energy of a room just by being in it. Thank you for being the glue that binds this family together. Thank you for being so strong, for being such a fighter, from the very day you were born. Thank you for being my sweet baby girl.
Thank you for being....you......
Happy 5th Birthday Alexandra Storm.
I love you with all my heart.....
Love,
Mama
She also told me due to my history of difficult hypertension issues that I had with both your sister and brother, combined with the state of emergency I was in at that time, that if I got pregnant again, the chances are I would not survive it. If I had waited much longer this time, I might not have made it, as my kidneys had started to shut down. She told me that the best thing for me to do was have my tubes tied. I looked over at your Da and asked him what did he want to do, I had two other children, but this was his first baby, and they could not tell us if you would make it or not...and now any chances of future children with me were gone. I was scared for a lot of reasons. He looked at my Doc and said, " I don't care what you have to do, if she is not here (meaning me) then none if it will matter anyway for me...you worry about her health...". He looked at me and said " If it will keep you here with me, alive and well, sign the papers."
So I did.
Then she told me that I would be given steroids to try to speed up your lung development, and that on Friday, October 15th, 2004, that you would be brought into this world, come what may.
I was 28 weeks pregnant.
A lot of that week in the hospital is hazy. They had me pumped full of Magnesium to keep me from going into a seizure because my blood pressure was so high...and I had to lay on my left side 98 percent of the time, which I hated, as I am a right side sleeper lol. The steroid shots...I swear my nurse was a pro dart player, and my ass was her practice board lol. All the nurses I had were amazing. My day nurse was supposed to be off from Thursday night until Monday morning, but she came up there on Friday and hung around while they did the section on me...and that meant the world to me.
Your Da says he was there the night before, he spent the night, which the nurses said was true, but I do not remember it. He says I kept trying to give him my pillow all night because I was worried he was uncomfortable. He was the one who held me for my epidural at 5 am the next morning, which I do not remember either. In fact, the last thing I REALLY remember is the last steroid shot they gave me the morning before you got here. The next thing I remember is over 12 hours later, I suddenly became aware I was looking up into a person's face who was covered with a surgical mask and a paper shower cap...and then I saw your Da's eyes looking down at me, trying to reassure me...but I saw the fear there....
I felt you kicking me when they were cutting me open...they tell me there was no way I felt that, but you were up high in my ribs...I felt it. Then I said I hurt ( so I am told ) and the anesthesiologist ( who your Da said was very liberal with the pain meds ) shot a syringe into my IV and I fell asleep....and my heart stopped. Chaos erupted of course, and your Da said he called every ancestor, deity, power, God, or anything else that would listen and help to let us both get through this. Before they could even get a machine to me..my heart started again. The next thing I remember was your Da saying you were out, and I was crying, saying that I did not hear you cry, why were you not crying? Your Da said that is when you opened your little eyes and bellowed for everyone to hear and that all the nurses in the room has tears in their eyes and two of them clapped. I remember that cry, and it was the first time I felt real hope that you would be ok.
They wrapped you up and brought you over for me to kiss and then whisked you away to the NICU. Your Da stayed with me, because they would not let him go with you, so he stuck around for the tying of my tubes. He said it was a unique experience to see your wife's pieces parts..from the inside lol.
I do not remember much of that, the next thing I remember was waking up in recovery, and the nurse, the one who cried when you cried, was sitting there reading a book...and she looked at me, smiled, and said "Welcome Back"...and it seemed to echo in my head. Like I had just gone on a journey of the spirit, and she was the one to help keep me tethered to my body...very surreal...
After I woke up enough to be moved, they put me in a wheel chair an wheeled me in to the NICU to see you. You were so tiny....your sister was 7 pounds, your brother TEN, and you...little bitty you, laying there at 3 pounds and 6 ounces. They still had you in an open warming bed, so I could touch you for just a minute, I laid my hand on your chest, which covered 90% of your body, and you put one arm across my hand...and then they took you away to put you in the incubator. I have never told anyone this, not even your Da, but the entire time you were in that thing, I mentally called you my Little Baby Chick...because they are raised in incubators of a type on farms lol.
They wheeled me to my room to get cleaned up and switched from the L&D room to my regular room..which I hated. I did not want to leave my nurses lol. The room they put me in had eggplant purple walls, and it was right around the corner from the NICU...so I did not have far to walk when I could. I stayed put for the rest of the day time, recovering..but by this time I was sore and hurting, and could not get comfortable...and your Da stepped out that afternoon for a bit, so I decided to scoot down on the bed because my bed would not lay flat enough to suit me ( because the smarter than me nurse had locked my bed in place since she knew my stomach muscles would not work correctly as they had just been sliced open lol )
I slid down to the very end, and had my knees raised with my feet flat on the bed and it felt so good, I did not hurt for a minute....until I tried to move. I then realized I was stuck. I did not have the abdominal strength to pull myself up, or even roll over...or reach the call button, and at the time my room mate was not in the room. So I laid there for 30 minutes until your Da came back and helped me up after he got finished laughing at me lol.
After that we went to go see you in the NICU...and it was so hard to see your tiny little self there, in that bubble, and we could not hold you. You were amazingly healthy however, just tiny. You were only on oxygen for a couple of hours, your lungs were great, and you were only on the feeding tube for 5 days. I hated that thing. I did not like looking at it go up your nose and down your throat. It looked so painful...
I spent every second I could with you, just watching you sleep...twice the nurse had to escort me back to my room, I was so wiped out over the next couple of days. Then I got to start pumping with their Hoover type pumps...THAT was fun...I think I am still sore lol. 5 days pass and I was still in the hospital. As much as I did not want to leave you, I wanted to go home so bad. I wanted a full nights sleep just once, without a nurse waking me up to check my vitals every 3 hours. My Doc refused to let me go home for two more days...and I was still on that awful magnesium the whole time I was there, but my blood pressure did not want to stay down. Finally a week later they let me go, with blood pressure pills.
I cried and cried and cried when we left...because while I was happy to be going home, it was torture to leave you there. We went back up every single night you were there. I was not allowed to drive for 6 weeks per doctors orders, so every night after we ate dinner we headed to the hospital to see you and drop off the milk I produced daily. It was 13 days after you were born that we FINALLY got to hold you for the first time. A week later you got moved to the NCU ( No more intensive care lol ) and that is where you stayed for the next three weeks until we finally got to bring you home on November 16th, one month and one day after your birth.
Since then you have not slowed down. You did not have that "Delayed Development" everyone kept warning me about. In fact you started walking even before your brother did lol. You are still a tiny thing..and you have always been slender...but looking at you then, and looking at you now, on your 5th birthday...you have changed and grown so very much.
You are so smart, and wise beyond your years. You are the most loving and affectionate child I have ever seen, and every day you cover me with kisses and hugs and " I love you's".
You are my last chance for so many things, in so many ways, and I love you so much. You have taught me so much about myself, because raising you has been a very different experience than raising your siblings has been. I have had to deal with being that over protective mom that most first time moms are, even though you are the third, because I was so terrified that something was going to happen to you, that because you were so little that you were somehow more fragile...and you showed me how wrong I was lol. You are fearless and adventurous, and so very loving and trusting, and I can not imagine my life without you in it.
Thank you for giving me one last chance to get it right. Thank you for giving your Da and I the chance to raise such a special and beautiful soul, and watch you blossom and grow. Thank you for being the pure ray of light, whose smile can illuminate even the darkest of moods, who changes the energy of a room just by being in it. Thank you for being the glue that binds this family together. Thank you for being so strong, for being such a fighter, from the very day you were born. Thank you for being my sweet baby girl.
Thank you for being....you......
Happy 5th Birthday Alexandra Storm.
I love you with all my heart.....
Love,
Mama
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Am I a Bad Witch?
The month of October, the highlight of most Witch's Year, is well underway. The Halloween decorations have been in the stores since late August, houses are decorated already, the internet sites I frequent and the games I play are all decked out in their spooky finery. Everyone is in a state of anticipation and creamy goodness.
Except me.
Am I a bad Witch for wishing October were just done and over already? The contests and 31 days of....( and no I am not calling anyone out in blog land, because all that stuff is awesome fun lol ) is all over the internet..and it is all great fun, I have entered a jillion of them myself, but this is not what Samhain is about!
Maybe it is because so many Witches live in places they can only truly express themselves and come out of the Broom Closet for a single month out of the year. I get that. Maybe I have a hard time because even living in a place where the God Fearing and Gun Toting people abound, ( And yes I am a gun toter too lol ) I have not been in the Broom Closet since I was like 15, I have a harder time relating.
Maybe it is because historically, the month of October sucks for me, with the exception of my babygirl's birth, even though she was born at 28 weeks, she survived and never suffered any health problems or delayed development over it.
I feel the same way about Yule/Xmas. Everyone is so worried about the commercial aspect of it, no one talks about or pays much attention to the real "reason for the season", no matter what religion they are.
Or maybe it is because the decor in my house is "Halloweeny" year round, so it desensitizes me to a degree.
Maybe it is because I have had 4 hours of sleep and I am grumpy and feel like "listening" to myself bitch, who knows lol. I take that back, I am not grumpy, just tired...and when I am tired I tend to be more open with things that bother me.
In blog land, of the umpteen dozen blogs I follow ( and love, or I would not follow you lol ) very few have posted anything about Samhain, what it is, what it means to them, things they do for Samhain, things like that. Most of it is "Click here and here, and here..oh and here and here, to maybe win a shrunken head on a stick" (Please Goddess don't let any of the blogs I read actually be giving away a shrunken head on a stick or I am dead meat, oh please oh please) Of which I have done more than once this month *winks*
I guess I just expected Pagan blogs to be more...Pagan. Now don't get me wrong. I do not mean one of those stiff and formal types who have a 48 page ritual to honor the Dead. Those bore the shit out of me. I am eclectic and informal for a reason. It is who I am.
I don't know, maybe I am just rambling again. I do that a lot lol. I guess I just expected more from the Pagan Community at large this time of year. One of our local Pagan Pride festivals is this time of year, and I remember when it used to be about Pagans, and what we are, and what we do, and what it means to us. Now, it is about selling T-Shirts and buttons and posters that say " I survived the Pagan Pride Festival of 2009", complete with little hordes of people with torches and pitchforks. No, I am not kidding. I know a few of the vendors this year, and have seen the template with my own two eyes. Funny? Yes. The point of a Pride festival? No lol. Not to me anyway.
I just feel like a bad witch at times because I do not buy in to all the other stuff everyone else seems to go apeshit for this time of year. I guess it has to do with my underlying issues with commercialism.
Well hopefully ya'll are not saying " Oh no that bitch did NOT just make a reference to me!" because I was not doing that. This is something I have had issues with for years, and I have only been a blogger for a few months lol. Like..3 of them..it is something I have wanted to give a voice to for a long long time.
Maybe there are others like me, who feel the way I do, or maybe it is just me and everyone will come down on my head for this. I don't know. Either way is okay, because regardless of what anyone says, I will have their answers and will know if I am alone in my thoughts or if others maybe wish it were a little more that what it has been as well...
Thanks for reading my ramblings lol..
Music of the Moment: Little Earth Quakes by Tori Amos*
Except me.
Am I a bad Witch for wishing October were just done and over already? The contests and 31 days of....( and no I am not calling anyone out in blog land, because all that stuff is awesome fun lol ) is all over the internet..and it is all great fun, I have entered a jillion of them myself, but this is not what Samhain is about!
Maybe it is because so many Witches live in places they can only truly express themselves and come out of the Broom Closet for a single month out of the year. I get that. Maybe I have a hard time because even living in a place where the God Fearing and Gun Toting people abound, ( And yes I am a gun toter too lol ) I have not been in the Broom Closet since I was like 15, I have a harder time relating.
Maybe it is because historically, the month of October sucks for me, with the exception of my babygirl's birth, even though she was born at 28 weeks, she survived and never suffered any health problems or delayed development over it.
I feel the same way about Yule/Xmas. Everyone is so worried about the commercial aspect of it, no one talks about or pays much attention to the real "reason for the season", no matter what religion they are.
Or maybe it is because the decor in my house is "Halloweeny" year round, so it desensitizes me to a degree.
Maybe it is because I have had 4 hours of sleep and I am grumpy and feel like "listening" to myself bitch, who knows lol. I take that back, I am not grumpy, just tired...and when I am tired I tend to be more open with things that bother me.
In blog land, of the umpteen dozen blogs I follow ( and love, or I would not follow you lol ) very few have posted anything about Samhain, what it is, what it means to them, things they do for Samhain, things like that. Most of it is "Click here and here, and here..oh and here and here, to maybe win a shrunken head on a stick" (Please Goddess don't let any of the blogs I read actually be giving away a shrunken head on a stick or I am dead meat, oh please oh please) Of which I have done more than once this month *winks*
I guess I just expected Pagan blogs to be more...Pagan. Now don't get me wrong. I do not mean one of those stiff and formal types who have a 48 page ritual to honor the Dead. Those bore the shit out of me. I am eclectic and informal for a reason. It is who I am.
I don't know, maybe I am just rambling again. I do that a lot lol. I guess I just expected more from the Pagan Community at large this time of year. One of our local Pagan Pride festivals is this time of year, and I remember when it used to be about Pagans, and what we are, and what we do, and what it means to us. Now, it is about selling T-Shirts and buttons and posters that say " I survived the Pagan Pride Festival of 2009", complete with little hordes of people with torches and pitchforks. No, I am not kidding. I know a few of the vendors this year, and have seen the template with my own two eyes. Funny? Yes. The point of a Pride festival? No lol. Not to me anyway.
I just feel like a bad witch at times because I do not buy in to all the other stuff everyone else seems to go apeshit for this time of year. I guess it has to do with my underlying issues with commercialism.
Well hopefully ya'll are not saying " Oh no that bitch did NOT just make a reference to me!" because I was not doing that. This is something I have had issues with for years, and I have only been a blogger for a few months lol. Like..3 of them..it is something I have wanted to give a voice to for a long long time.
Maybe there are others like me, who feel the way I do, or maybe it is just me and everyone will come down on my head for this. I don't know. Either way is okay, because regardless of what anyone says, I will have their answers and will know if I am alone in my thoughts or if others maybe wish it were a little more that what it has been as well...
Thanks for reading my ramblings lol..
Music of the Moment: Little Earth Quakes by Tori Amos*
Friday, October 09, 2009
Mouse Update 4..and stuff...
I am pleased to announce that the mouse has left the house!!! Unfortunately he did not survive the trip, so sorry for anyone pulling for the mouse, but YAY the damn thing is gone!
I have been very productive today. I tore my kitchen/power place ( The dining area of my kitchen is MY spot, where my computer and bookshelves and stuff are ) apart since the mouse had been wreaking havoc all over the place and deep cleaned it, swept and mopped it very well, and restrained myself from rearranging my personal space here until this weekend lol. I then started on the living room, getting rid of all the clutter and opening the room up some ( energy flow wise ) since Jack keeps telling me he feels like the house walls are closing in on him, and I finally figured out what he meant lol.
The energy flow of the house had gone stagnant and needed to be recharged and free flowing again. Chi, if you will. Or Mana or whatever term you use. After I got done cleaning those two rooms I broke out some aromatherapy...I made an air freshener with some sandalwood and vanilla bean oil I had and sprayed it liberally all over and wow it smelled good and felt good. Jack noticed it and commented on it all the second he walked in the door from work, saying it felt much better now. I watched his grumpy attitude he has had the last week melt away over the next hour after he got home.
I made a killer pot of homemade chicken noodle soup, always good for ails ya, which added to the aromatherapy comfort of the house. We watched some TV, managed to have some "alone time" ( Thank you Snow White DVD ) and then watched Bones and Fringe on the telly and he toddled off to bed while I cleaned the kitchen and started making my mental lists for what I need to do tomorrow. Probably finish Alex's room since we worked on it this week and got it manageable. With her 5th birthday on the 15th, I know she will be getting a new bunch of stuff so I have to make room. I also need to weed through my closet in my room and toss about half it's contents. Might as well be indoors making use of the 94 degree weather out there. Stupid warm front.
I also wanted to add that I am going to go through my follower list ( 48 of you now through Google yay! ) and check out those I have not had a chance to read yet. So I want to thank everyone for following along as I wander down my path!
I guess that about sums it up for today. I have another post meandering around in my brain but it is still working itself out.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
*Music of the Moment: Wizards in Winter by the Trans Siberian Orchestra*
I have been very productive today. I tore my kitchen/power place ( The dining area of my kitchen is MY spot, where my computer and bookshelves and stuff are ) apart since the mouse had been wreaking havoc all over the place and deep cleaned it, swept and mopped it very well, and restrained myself from rearranging my personal space here until this weekend lol. I then started on the living room, getting rid of all the clutter and opening the room up some ( energy flow wise ) since Jack keeps telling me he feels like the house walls are closing in on him, and I finally figured out what he meant lol.
The energy flow of the house had gone stagnant and needed to be recharged and free flowing again. Chi, if you will. Or Mana or whatever term you use. After I got done cleaning those two rooms I broke out some aromatherapy...I made an air freshener with some sandalwood and vanilla bean oil I had and sprayed it liberally all over and wow it smelled good and felt good. Jack noticed it and commented on it all the second he walked in the door from work, saying it felt much better now. I watched his grumpy attitude he has had the last week melt away over the next hour after he got home.
I made a killer pot of homemade chicken noodle soup, always good for ails ya, which added to the aromatherapy comfort of the house. We watched some TV, managed to have some "alone time" ( Thank you Snow White DVD ) and then watched Bones and Fringe on the telly and he toddled off to bed while I cleaned the kitchen and started making my mental lists for what I need to do tomorrow. Probably finish Alex's room since we worked on it this week and got it manageable. With her 5th birthday on the 15th, I know she will be getting a new bunch of stuff so I have to make room. I also need to weed through my closet in my room and toss about half it's contents. Might as well be indoors making use of the 94 degree weather out there. Stupid warm front.
I also wanted to add that I am going to go through my follower list ( 48 of you now through Google yay! ) and check out those I have not had a chance to read yet. So I want to thank everyone for following along as I wander down my path!
I guess that about sums it up for today. I have another post meandering around in my brain but it is still working itself out.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
*Music of the Moment: Wizards in Winter by the Trans Siberian Orchestra*
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
More Awards and a rant of sorts...
For those of you who do not like or see the point in blog awards, or my opinion about them, feel free to skip this one lol...
Last night and today I got two more awards, one from Rowan and one from Mother Moon, which can be seen in my side bar. I want to thank both of these lovely ladies for bestowing me with a bit of sunshine to my mind over the last couple of gloomy and rainy days.
I guess now is the time to throw my two cents in about blog awards. Some people find them bothersome for whatever reason they have ( and they are all valid and good reasons mind you ) and let's face it, we ALL have our pet peeves, even in the blog world. Mine happens to be commercialism. Nothing wrong with it by itself, money is money honey, but as far as I go, if I have to wait 20 minutes for your page to load because of all the ads and crap on it, I am not going to linger there and really check you out like you deserve, because even as big of a multi-tasker as I am, unless your title or synopsis in my reader or dashboard REALLY caught my eye, I am not going to bog my machine down trying to load it you know?
Anyway, about the blog awards. I do not write so I can receive awards, I write to fulfill a personal need. However, because I do write in a public form, the fact that people who read me, even perfect strangers, like what they read enough to think of me for these awards is a honor. I may or may not "pass it on", but if I do, it is not because I want to annoy the person with blog clutter, it is because their blog is something that I enjoy, and it moves me or speaks to me in ways that I would like to let others know about, and let the author or authoress themselves know how much I appreciate and enjoy their work. Because even if you do not want or require the praise or acknowledgment, it still gives one a sense of satisfaction, and a sense of accomplishment, even if only for a fleeting second, to know that someone out there liked what you wrote enough to give you props for it.
On one hand I guess it is a good thing that this topic has come up in so many blogs, because at least you know who not to send them to anymore right? LOL. Kidding....
Seriously though, everyone's opinion is as valid as the next persons, so its all good. I just want to let the people who have or ever will send me an award know that I have been and will be SO grateful and appreciative and a little humbled each time....
Hell, if nothing else, this topic is sort of like a writing prompt if you look at it. Even people who do not post much has sounded off about this, some for it, some against it. Writing is gooooood.
*Music of the Moment: Novocaine For The Soul by Eels*
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Last night and today I got two more awards, one from Rowan and one from Mother Moon, which can be seen in my side bar. I want to thank both of these lovely ladies for bestowing me with a bit of sunshine to my mind over the last couple of gloomy and rainy days.
I guess now is the time to throw my two cents in about blog awards. Some people find them bothersome for whatever reason they have ( and they are all valid and good reasons mind you ) and let's face it, we ALL have our pet peeves, even in the blog world. Mine happens to be commercialism. Nothing wrong with it by itself, money is money honey, but as far as I go, if I have to wait 20 minutes for your page to load because of all the ads and crap on it, I am not going to linger there and really check you out like you deserve, because even as big of a multi-tasker as I am, unless your title or synopsis in my reader or dashboard REALLY caught my eye, I am not going to bog my machine down trying to load it you know?
Anyway, about the blog awards. I do not write so I can receive awards, I write to fulfill a personal need. However, because I do write in a public form, the fact that people who read me, even perfect strangers, like what they read enough to think of me for these awards is a honor. I may or may not "pass it on", but if I do, it is not because I want to annoy the person with blog clutter, it is because their blog is something that I enjoy, and it moves me or speaks to me in ways that I would like to let others know about, and let the author or authoress themselves know how much I appreciate and enjoy their work. Because even if you do not want or require the praise or acknowledgment, it still gives one a sense of satisfaction, and a sense of accomplishment, even if only for a fleeting second, to know that someone out there liked what you wrote enough to give you props for it.
On one hand I guess it is a good thing that this topic has come up in so many blogs, because at least you know who not to send them to anymore right? LOL. Kidding....
Seriously though, everyone's opinion is as valid as the next persons, so its all good. I just want to let the people who have or ever will send me an award know that I have been and will be SO grateful and appreciative and a little humbled each time....
Hell, if nothing else, this topic is sort of like a writing prompt if you look at it. Even people who do not post much has sounded off about this, some for it, some against it. Writing is gooooood.
*Music of the Moment: Novocaine For The Soul by Eels*
The Mouse Part 2....and Part 3....
I officially hate mice. And Rats. And all other forms of rodents right now.
If you read my blog, you know about the mouse that has been scampering through the house at night for the last week or so. You also know that I re-named my cat UFC ( Useless Friggin Cat ) because he refused to do anything more than look at it.
Well here are the next 2 parts in my rat nightmare:
Imagine, if you will, a fairly quiet house, just around midnight. Husband is asleep, Alex is almost asleep, and I was sitting here enjoying the near silence as I watched a throng of scary bald clowns invade my Roller Coaster Kingdom park.
Suddenly the silence is shattered by a rattle behind the fridge. See yesterday Jack brought home live traps for the mouse. The kind that are supposed to adhere to the mouse, thus rendering it immobile so you can just run over there, scoop him up, and set him free back in the woods to live out the remainder of his little ratty days.
Pffffffffft.
His back legs got stuck, leaving his front legs to flip him all over the place and make much noise while trying to free his self from the gluey crap. I go wake Jack up, who was less than appreciative I might add, to deal with the mouse.
Pffffffffffft.
After he wanders around trying to clear his sleep impaired brain, he sorta pokes at it with the broom handle trying to pin the trap part down. What this did was hold the trap in one place so the mouse could apply his obviously Herculean strength to get out of the glue and scurry under the fridge. I was not happy. Jack goes back to bed since he had to be up in 4 hours at that time to go to work, and I settle in back here for a while.
A little before 4 this morning I toddle off to bed. Not quite 4 hours later I hear this...sound. To my sleepy brain it sounded like a bag of chips being opened. I laid there and listened for a couple of minutes, but I did not hear it again so I went back to sleep. Ten minutes later I am woken up again by this noise. At this point I am thinking Alex is up and into something, so I get up and check it out. She was sound asleep in her bed. So I thought maybe I was dreaming about it, and flopped back in bed. Well I heard it again as soon as I got settled. I got up, grabbed the flashlight and started looking for the 3 remaining live traps. One of them has not moved. Another one was about 5 feet from where it was placed to begin with, with little mouse hairs stuck to it. Suddenly I heard the noise again and ran to the third one. Sure enough, there he was. His hind feet and ass fur caught in the trap. Again, his front feet make an awful lot of racket when he is trying to free his ass from the trap.
I am trying to figure out what to do because every time I moved or tried to pick the trap up he freaked out, which made ME freak out. I really wanted to catch him alive and let him out you know? But this thing has been gnawing on all kinds of things, and it ran out from under my computer table a couple of nights ago. If that damn mouse chews through a cord on my pc, there will be hell to pay.
I decide to see if Charlie, my cats Daddy Kitty, who is half feral, but has adopted us since our neighbor's moved away and left him, would have a go at him. Circle of Life and shit right?
Pffffffffffffffffffffttttt.
He is as useless as his son.
And I have pics to prove it!
I brought Charlie in, and he ran right over to the food tray...which had the mouse sitting on it, and he starts nomming the leftover BBQ from last night. I stand there with my mouth hanging open. Charlie moved the bowl with his big fat face, and the mouse moved with the trap and Charlie jumped about 3 feet in the air and took off running to the front door. Had it been open, dude would have been gone lol. So after I stopped laughing and could breathe again, I called him back over to the dish, and the mouse, which Charlie fully acknowledges by SNIFFING IT, and then stuffs his head back into the bowl of BBQ. I was not amused. So Charlie gets done eating and saunters off and I am trying to figure out how to get this mouse out of my farken house.
I decide that I will pick the whole pan up and fling it out the back door, and go retrieve the bowls for food later. I have Alex open the back door and I go to pick the pan up and the mouse finds his strength to haul ass off the pan behind the fridge, trap and all. I can see the trap, so I move the fridge and grab some tongs, really long tongs, because I was going to grab the trap and the mouse and fling it out the back door. I grab the trap, yank it out and go to toss it...and notice the trap is empty. The farken mouse got LOOSE again! So he is under the fridge recovering from several strokes I am sure, and I called Jack and told him I am sorry, I tried the good karma route, tried to save the little shit, but I am done. I am tired and cranky and I did not care if he brought a spring trap, a boa constrictor, or friggin napalm, just GET RID OF IT. Then I told him about Charlie, and his preference of his BBQ than the live mouse, and how mad I was. Then I stood there holding the phone a foot away from my ear because he was laughing to hard and loud I was afraid I would go deaf. Not long after that we hung up and here I am, writing about the mouse from Hell, and the two useless cats.
Here are the pics....
Please ignore the old cookie sheet the cat food bowls are on, my cats are MESSY eaters who love to scatter food all over creation, so the old pan I never used other than to hold some potted plants that had no drain trays, is now holding kitty food messes. Also..Charlie is eating the last spoonful of Jacks awesome BBQ that was leftover from dinner last night.
So here ya go, pics that prove that A: My cats are useless, and B: that Jack's BBQ is SO good that even half wild cats prefer it over a live friggin mouse right next to their face...
Thar last shot is one I got when the mouse tried to get away from Charlie. Why, I don't know, since that was the safest rat in history at that moment, What cat wants a mouse when there is Jack's Famous BBQ???
So there is my story, and I am sure there will be another update before to long. Hope you enjoyed!
*Music of the Moment: Jump by Van Halen*
If you read my blog, you know about the mouse that has been scampering through the house at night for the last week or so. You also know that I re-named my cat UFC ( Useless Friggin Cat ) because he refused to do anything more than look at it.
Well here are the next 2 parts in my rat nightmare:
Imagine, if you will, a fairly quiet house, just around midnight. Husband is asleep, Alex is almost asleep, and I was sitting here enjoying the near silence as I watched a throng of scary bald clowns invade my Roller Coaster Kingdom park.
Suddenly the silence is shattered by a rattle behind the fridge. See yesterday Jack brought home live traps for the mouse. The kind that are supposed to adhere to the mouse, thus rendering it immobile so you can just run over there, scoop him up, and set him free back in the woods to live out the remainder of his little ratty days.
Pffffffffft.
His back legs got stuck, leaving his front legs to flip him all over the place and make much noise while trying to free his self from the gluey crap. I go wake Jack up, who was less than appreciative I might add, to deal with the mouse.
Pffffffffffft.
After he wanders around trying to clear his sleep impaired brain, he sorta pokes at it with the broom handle trying to pin the trap part down. What this did was hold the trap in one place so the mouse could apply his obviously Herculean strength to get out of the glue and scurry under the fridge. I was not happy. Jack goes back to bed since he had to be up in 4 hours at that time to go to work, and I settle in back here for a while.
A little before 4 this morning I toddle off to bed. Not quite 4 hours later I hear this...sound. To my sleepy brain it sounded like a bag of chips being opened. I laid there and listened for a couple of minutes, but I did not hear it again so I went back to sleep. Ten minutes later I am woken up again by this noise. At this point I am thinking Alex is up and into something, so I get up and check it out. She was sound asleep in her bed. So I thought maybe I was dreaming about it, and flopped back in bed. Well I heard it again as soon as I got settled. I got up, grabbed the flashlight and started looking for the 3 remaining live traps. One of them has not moved. Another one was about 5 feet from where it was placed to begin with, with little mouse hairs stuck to it. Suddenly I heard the noise again and ran to the third one. Sure enough, there he was. His hind feet and ass fur caught in the trap. Again, his front feet make an awful lot of racket when he is trying to free his ass from the trap.
I am trying to figure out what to do because every time I moved or tried to pick the trap up he freaked out, which made ME freak out. I really wanted to catch him alive and let him out you know? But this thing has been gnawing on all kinds of things, and it ran out from under my computer table a couple of nights ago. If that damn mouse chews through a cord on my pc, there will be hell to pay.
I decide to see if Charlie, my cats Daddy Kitty, who is half feral, but has adopted us since our neighbor's moved away and left him, would have a go at him. Circle of Life and shit right?
Pffffffffffffffffffffttttt.
He is as useless as his son.
And I have pics to prove it!
I brought Charlie in, and he ran right over to the food tray...which had the mouse sitting on it, and he starts nomming the leftover BBQ from last night. I stand there with my mouth hanging open. Charlie moved the bowl with his big fat face, and the mouse moved with the trap and Charlie jumped about 3 feet in the air and took off running to the front door. Had it been open, dude would have been gone lol. So after I stopped laughing and could breathe again, I called him back over to the dish, and the mouse, which Charlie fully acknowledges by SNIFFING IT, and then stuffs his head back into the bowl of BBQ. I was not amused. So Charlie gets done eating and saunters off and I am trying to figure out how to get this mouse out of my farken house.
I decide that I will pick the whole pan up and fling it out the back door, and go retrieve the bowls for food later. I have Alex open the back door and I go to pick the pan up and the mouse finds his strength to haul ass off the pan behind the fridge, trap and all. I can see the trap, so I move the fridge and grab some tongs, really long tongs, because I was going to grab the trap and the mouse and fling it out the back door. I grab the trap, yank it out and go to toss it...and notice the trap is empty. The farken mouse got LOOSE again! So he is under the fridge recovering from several strokes I am sure, and I called Jack and told him I am sorry, I tried the good karma route, tried to save the little shit, but I am done. I am tired and cranky and I did not care if he brought a spring trap, a boa constrictor, or friggin napalm, just GET RID OF IT. Then I told him about Charlie, and his preference of his BBQ than the live mouse, and how mad I was. Then I stood there holding the phone a foot away from my ear because he was laughing to hard and loud I was afraid I would go deaf. Not long after that we hung up and here I am, writing about the mouse from Hell, and the two useless cats.
Here are the pics....
Please ignore the old cookie sheet the cat food bowls are on, my cats are MESSY eaters who love to scatter food all over creation, so the old pan I never used other than to hold some potted plants that had no drain trays, is now holding kitty food messes. Also..Charlie is eating the last spoonful of Jacks awesome BBQ that was leftover from dinner last night.
So here ya go, pics that prove that A: My cats are useless, and B: that Jack's BBQ is SO good that even half wild cats prefer it over a live friggin mouse right next to their face...
So there is my story, and I am sure there will be another update before to long. Hope you enjoyed!
*Music of the Moment: Jump by Van Halen*
Monday, October 05, 2009
Honesty...
Is more than just the best policy for me, it is a way of life.
I am a very blunt person, as some of you know lol. I rather hurt from the truth than be happy over a lie.
But I digress. It is a gloomy day here, rainy and muggy and bleh. I was sitting here kind of bummed because I had to close the house back up yesterday and turn the air back on. So I was perusing my comments on the entry I posted yesterday, ( Thanks to everyone by the way ) and Mel from over at From Clutter To Shine left me a comment saying she had left me something over on her blog.
This is what I found:
Suddenly my day got a lot sunnier, This award means a lot to me on a lot of levels. Sharing some of the things I have shared here have taken up all the brutal honesty and courage I have in me, and I was scared of putting it all out there for the world to see, because you know how judgmental people are. But then I realized that it does not matter. All the people who love me know all these things about me already, and I draw strength and security from that. If outsiders do not understand or look down on me, that is ok as well. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. It is more important to me to be fully honest as I can be with people than to be the most popular chick around lol.
So thank you again Mel, for this wonderful honor, I am so appreciative in so many ways!
There was no obligation to pass this on to anyone, but I feel the need to do so, because there are a few blogs that I read that lay it all out there on the line. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. They may have already gotten awards, and maybe even this one as well, but I want to let them know that I enjoy them and am glad they post with such honestly.
Rae at Life: A Journey Worth Taking
Rayden at Rayden's Rants
Lyon at The Wandering Hearth ( My new personal favorite )
Bridgett at Doog and B Boo + Two
Rowan at Candles and Wicks ( Another personal new favorite )
I think that sums it up for now. Thanks Mel, again, and thank you to those that I nominated for being so open and unafraid to let it all out!
*Please note there is NO obligation to pass this along, I just wanted to share the love after reflecting on what this award means to me.
I am a very blunt person, as some of you know lol. I rather hurt from the truth than be happy over a lie.
But I digress. It is a gloomy day here, rainy and muggy and bleh. I was sitting here kind of bummed because I had to close the house back up yesterday and turn the air back on. So I was perusing my comments on the entry I posted yesterday, ( Thanks to everyone by the way ) and Mel from over at From Clutter To Shine left me a comment saying she had left me something over on her blog.
This is what I found:
So thank you again Mel, for this wonderful honor, I am so appreciative in so many ways!
There was no obligation to pass this on to anyone, but I feel the need to do so, because there are a few blogs that I read that lay it all out there on the line. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. They may have already gotten awards, and maybe even this one as well, but I want to let them know that I enjoy them and am glad they post with such honestly.
Rae at Life: A Journey Worth Taking
Rayden at Rayden's Rants
Lyon at The Wandering Hearth ( My new personal favorite )
Bridgett at Doog and B Boo + Two
Rowan at Candles and Wicks ( Another personal new favorite )
I think that sums it up for now. Thanks Mel, again, and thank you to those that I nominated for being so open and unafraid to let it all out!
*Please note there is NO obligation to pass this along, I just wanted to share the love after reflecting on what this award means to me.
The Mouse, the Moth and the Snake...
What the hell?!! It is varmint week here in Florida or what??
For starters, I have been plagued by a wood rat in my house for the last few days. I have never knowingly had a mouse in any of my homes before, so this vexes me. He is LOUD, and quick. My cat, who shall forever be known as Useless Friggen Cat, or UFC ( ha ha ) watches the mouse very intently, but can not be bothered to actually MOVE off his fat ass to go chase it or anything lol. Total Garfield moment I swear.
Secondly, I am terrified of Lunar Moths. Scared. to. death. They are great big creepy condoresque dive bombing...things. I have no clue how they reproduce or anything, but there is a massive amount of Lunar Moth Babies ALL OVER THE PLACE outside. Every time I open the door after 5 P.M. they swarm me lol.
Friday night 4 of them got in and flew right in my bedroom. Keep in mind a "baby" Lunar moth is still almost three inches across and about two inches long. So I ran in here ( I was standing by the back door ) and Jack then spent the next 30 minutes chasing them down and getting them out of my room. He tossed them all back outside, alive.
Last but not least, I woke up from a nice dream this morning to the sound of Jack saying " Sweety? Sweety? Wake up babe.." ( I should have known to just burrow under the covers when I heard back to back terms of endearment lol...)
When I opened my eyes...THIS is what I saw:
Yes folks, Jack was standing beside my bed holding a 3 foot long oak snake. After I stood up on the floor on the opposite side of the bed, I asked him wtf was he bringing a snake in the house for. He said as he was working on his project that he saw something move on the cheery tree we had to cut down a couple months ago because it was at risk of falling on the house, saw it was a young snake and was concerned because it was just after dawn and cold out...not a time when snakes crawl around. So he went and checked it out, and figured it's den was disturbed so it was looking for somewhere to hide. Of course he had to come share lol.
So I am covered in woodland creatures this week lol.
Other than that, it has been an awesome week. The temps were down in the upper 50's at night, and a tolerable low 80's during the day, meaning I got to open the house up for a whole week! I did some cleaning and cooked some good meals and recharged my batteries lol. I had to turn the air back on tonight because it was hot and super muggy again, with rain moving back in until the coming weekend. But the week was enough to tide me over until the days and nights are cool all the time!
The "project" Jack was working on was a drop screen cover for the back door. There is no screen door on the back, and I like to have it open, but flies and bugs get in and I hate that. A fly will drive me INSANE in a heartbeat. So he spent all this morning taking the extra screen he had left over after repairing some of the windows on the house and sewed a lot of them together and attached it to the inside of the door frame, and tied weights to the bottom to keep it closed. So now I have a screen panel on the back door so I can have it open and not have to worry about critters coming in! He spent hours on it and I was thrilled! So very sweet of him!
He smoked another ham Saturday after he got off work ( he had to work half a day, usually he is off on weekends but his boss has been ill this week ) and it was just as good as the one last week. He is the grill and smoker king let me tell you lol. Today he made the leftovers into BBQ, just like last week, for the race, and it was even better than last week! If this is the typical weekend menu, I am ok with that lol. It was divine!
We watched the race, but I got bored, the two people I really like were not driving well at all today, and the guy Jack likes blew an engine about halfway into the race, so I got up and started cleaning a little. Washed some clothes, worked on Alex's room some ( and I am still alive to tell you about it yay! ) and little stuff like dishes and what not.
Later, Jack and I were talking, ( I swear we have talked more this weekend than we have in a couple of months lol. ) and he volunteered to start walking with me again. I used to walk every afternoon after he got home from work, but a woman went missing from near here and was eventually found murdered, and even though they caught the guy, it still freaked me out because there were a couple of other incidents not to far from here, so I did not want to walk alone. We talked about this today and he agreed to start walking with me which makes me SO happy! We both need to get in better shape, and the road right next to us is very long, dirt, and very beautiful. The first 3 miles of it has NO houses on it, which is the end that is near us. Hence another reason of me being spooked, nothing but woods all around. It is gorgeous though, and I have taken some great pics from that road. I can not wait to start back!
All in all it has been a great week and a awesome weekend. Jack and I spent a lot of quality time together and talked so much. We were really close and that does not get to happen as often as we want due to everyday life getting in the way. Not to mention an almost 5 year old who has to insert herself in the middle of any type of affection lol.
Speaking of Alex, she will be 5 on the 15th of this month, so I have to get started on planning her birthday.
I am also going through an "unplugged" stage. I belonged to a lot of Yahoo Groups, and I left all of them except 3, 2 that I have been a part of for a long time, and one that I own. I have realized a few of the people I had on my FB and other stuff really annoyed the crap out of me and I have either gotten rid of them or I am about to, and with the exception of my blog ( and all of your blogs that I read of course ) and the handful of people I talk to, I just have really wanted to get away from a lot of the things I surrounded myself with before, and focus on me and the things that need attending to in MY life, instead of being so involved and worried about every one else's problems, and making them my own.I know that sounds a bit selfish, but everyone who has talked to me regularly over the last year knows that everything else has always taken precedence over me, and sometimes even my family, and that has to stop. Us first, then everyone else. Since I started doing that, things have gotten a lot better for me, and really well for Jack and myself. There is more to that story, but that is another post all by itself lol.
So there is my week, and what has been going on with me while I have been away. I hope everyone has a great week!
For starters, I have been plagued by a wood rat in my house for the last few days. I have never knowingly had a mouse in any of my homes before, so this vexes me. He is LOUD, and quick. My cat, who shall forever be known as Useless Friggen Cat, or UFC ( ha ha ) watches the mouse very intently, but can not be bothered to actually MOVE off his fat ass to go chase it or anything lol. Total Garfield moment I swear.
Secondly, I am terrified of Lunar Moths. Scared. to. death. They are great big creepy condoresque dive bombing...things. I have no clue how they reproduce or anything, but there is a massive amount of Lunar Moth Babies ALL OVER THE PLACE outside. Every time I open the door after 5 P.M. they swarm me lol.
Friday night 4 of them got in and flew right in my bedroom. Keep in mind a "baby" Lunar moth is still almost three inches across and about two inches long. So I ran in here ( I was standing by the back door ) and Jack then spent the next 30 minutes chasing them down and getting them out of my room. He tossed them all back outside, alive.
Last but not least, I woke up from a nice dream this morning to the sound of Jack saying " Sweety? Sweety? Wake up babe.." ( I should have known to just burrow under the covers when I heard back to back terms of endearment lol...)
When I opened my eyes...THIS is what I saw:
So I am covered in woodland creatures this week lol.
Other than that, it has been an awesome week. The temps were down in the upper 50's at night, and a tolerable low 80's during the day, meaning I got to open the house up for a whole week! I did some cleaning and cooked some good meals and recharged my batteries lol. I had to turn the air back on tonight because it was hot and super muggy again, with rain moving back in until the coming weekend. But the week was enough to tide me over until the days and nights are cool all the time!
The "project" Jack was working on was a drop screen cover for the back door. There is no screen door on the back, and I like to have it open, but flies and bugs get in and I hate that. A fly will drive me INSANE in a heartbeat. So he spent all this morning taking the extra screen he had left over after repairing some of the windows on the house and sewed a lot of them together and attached it to the inside of the door frame, and tied weights to the bottom to keep it closed. So now I have a screen panel on the back door so I can have it open and not have to worry about critters coming in! He spent hours on it and I was thrilled! So very sweet of him!
He smoked another ham Saturday after he got off work ( he had to work half a day, usually he is off on weekends but his boss has been ill this week ) and it was just as good as the one last week. He is the grill and smoker king let me tell you lol. Today he made the leftovers into BBQ, just like last week, for the race, and it was even better than last week! If this is the typical weekend menu, I am ok with that lol. It was divine!
We watched the race, but I got bored, the two people I really like were not driving well at all today, and the guy Jack likes blew an engine about halfway into the race, so I got up and started cleaning a little. Washed some clothes, worked on Alex's room some ( and I am still alive to tell you about it yay! ) and little stuff like dishes and what not.
Later, Jack and I were talking, ( I swear we have talked more this weekend than we have in a couple of months lol. ) and he volunteered to start walking with me again. I used to walk every afternoon after he got home from work, but a woman went missing from near here and was eventually found murdered, and even though they caught the guy, it still freaked me out because there were a couple of other incidents not to far from here, so I did not want to walk alone. We talked about this today and he agreed to start walking with me which makes me SO happy! We both need to get in better shape, and the road right next to us is very long, dirt, and very beautiful. The first 3 miles of it has NO houses on it, which is the end that is near us. Hence another reason of me being spooked, nothing but woods all around. It is gorgeous though, and I have taken some great pics from that road. I can not wait to start back!
All in all it has been a great week and a awesome weekend. Jack and I spent a lot of quality time together and talked so much. We were really close and that does not get to happen as often as we want due to everyday life getting in the way. Not to mention an almost 5 year old who has to insert herself in the middle of any type of affection lol.
Speaking of Alex, she will be 5 on the 15th of this month, so I have to get started on planning her birthday.
I am also going through an "unplugged" stage. I belonged to a lot of Yahoo Groups, and I left all of them except 3, 2 that I have been a part of for a long time, and one that I own. I have realized a few of the people I had on my FB and other stuff really annoyed the crap out of me and I have either gotten rid of them or I am about to, and with the exception of my blog ( and all of your blogs that I read of course ) and the handful of people I talk to, I just have really wanted to get away from a lot of the things I surrounded myself with before, and focus on me and the things that need attending to in MY life, instead of being so involved and worried about every one else's problems, and making them my own.I know that sounds a bit selfish, but everyone who has talked to me regularly over the last year knows that everything else has always taken precedence over me, and sometimes even my family, and that has to stop. Us first, then everyone else. Since I started doing that, things have gotten a lot better for me, and really well for Jack and myself. There is more to that story, but that is another post all by itself lol.
So there is my week, and what has been going on with me while I have been away. I hope everyone has a great week!
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Still alive!
I swear lol. I have not run away, just enjoying this wonderful Fall weather while it lasts since in a couple of days the temps go back up and the rain comes back. icky. Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend and I will post again real soon!
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