*******
I am not what you would call a typical Witch. I do not do things the way your "normal" witch would do them. This becomes even more obvious to me when Samhain (Halloween) rolls around every year.
I am not big on spells, ( although I do believe they work, first hand knowledge ) I strongly dislike rituals, ( not the ritual concept itself, but my personally doing them...they do not feel natural, they feel forced and clumsy ) and I do not need all the bells and whistles to get in the right frame of mind, or to raise energy, or what have you. I do not cast a physical circle. I do not sing, or vocally chant, or any of that stuff.
Since I am what you would call an introvert...or a hermit...or whatever you want to call it, most of my magic takes place inside my mind, just like everything else does for me. I internalize everything. I get better results by practicing where I am most comfortable, inside my own head, than if I try to act it out physically. I have been told this means I am just "pretending" to be a witch, or that I really do nothing, or that I am to afraid, and several other things that just cause me to shake my head. It is okay that people do not understand, as this is the way *I* practice. I am not trying to convince or teach any one else to adopt my ways of practicing. I have read the books. I have had the mentors, I have tried everything the way most think you are *supposed* to do it. It does not work for me. It is not genuine, and if it is not genuine, then it is ineffective. So I do what works for me, and that is all that really matters, right?
This is already a magical season for me. The weather starts to cool off, and in fact this year it is unusually colder than it normally would be, and I am loving it. I come alive in the Fall and early Winter months. Samhain is the first step on the journey to return to my true self...the one that hides in the hot and icky months.
*****
I am always very aware of Samhain, and what it represents, but I do not do the usual rituals and traditions that other Witches may do; such as the Dumb Supper or holding a Seance , or having a ritual, alone or with a coven. There are many different things that people do, and normally I do not do any of those. I quietly acknowledge my loved ones who have passed and do some reflection, and go about my day. This year is going to be a bit different.
This year has been one of the most difficult of my life.
For anyone who has been reading here for any length of time, knows that is saying something.
I don't just mean 2012, I mean an actual 365 days. Although in truth is is going on a year and two months now. I broke my ankle, lost a few friends, my oldest friend lost 15 years of her memory, Jack got hurt, my Dad was diagnosed with cancer, and then later died from it, (which is still devastating me ) Jack got hurt in other ways, I got hurt in other ways, money woes, things breaking, illness, emotional distress...just one thing after another. It has been terrible. There are a couple of bright spots that I am thankful for, but the bad far, far outweighs the good.
Tonight I am going to try to change that.
While what I am doing is not a "ritual" per se, it is for me, because as I stated earlier, I do everything inside of my head. This year I will have a massive fire, and I will celebrate with my family for a while, with joy and love, and then I will be alone, with the fire, with the spirits, and I will do my best to cast out some of the ever abundant "bad" in my life and try to balance it out with more "good" in my life. I will be trying to communicate with my daddy...I know he is near. I have smelled his cologne twice in the last week...the scent he wore when I was a child, and one that is not even made anymore...and suddenly he is always on my mind, every second of every day. I dream of him. I see movement out of the corner of my eye, when no one is around. I know he is here. So I am hoping for....something...tonight. His ash scattering was a fiasco, and I am still longing for internal closure, even while realizing on some levels I already have it. It is hard to describe with any real clarity.
I will spend precious time alone. Beseeching the unknown for peace. For a reprieve. For release from this downward spiral that has made us all so dizzy and sick.
*******
Samahin may be after the world spins into the darker half of the year...away from the sun...but in my world, the change in energy, the cooler weather...all of those things bring blessed and cooling moonlight into my life. Light is light,no matter if it is directly from the sun, or reflected off of the moon. Tonight is the Witch's New Year, and I hope and pray that it will be a year filled with love and laughter and joy. Peace, happiness, and prosperity. Good things. I have had my year of bad things. It is time for balance to be restored.
*******
Samhain means many things to this atypical Witch, but I can say with confidence that Samhain represents the doorway in which I step through to finally return to myself each year.
*******
There you have it. An entire month of posting for NaBloWriMo!! I had a lot of fun, and I have enjoyed reading all the posts from those who participated! I look forward to doing it again next year!
Thanks for hanging out with me this month. I hope you all have a blessed Samhain!
