Not your typical witch....NaBloWriMo Day 31 Final Post

I made it! I posted every day this month, sometimes multiple times! I thank all of you for coming along with me on this little writing journey, and I am pleased to share this final NaBloWriMo entry with you today.

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I am not what you would call a typical Witch. I do not do things the way your "normal" witch would do them. This becomes even more obvious to me when Samhain (Halloween) rolls around every year.

I am not big on spells, ( although I do believe they work, first hand knowledge ) I strongly dislike rituals, ( not the ritual concept itself, but my personally doing them...they do not feel natural, they feel forced and clumsy ) and I do not need all the bells and whistles to get in the right frame of mind, or to raise energy, or what have you. I do not cast a physical circle. I do not sing, or vocally chant, or any of that stuff.

Since I am what you would call an introvert...or a hermit...or whatever you want to call it, most of my magic takes place inside my mind, just like everything else does for me. I internalize everything. I get better results by practicing where I am most comfortable, inside my own head, than if I try to act it out physically. I have been told this means I am just "pretending" to be a witch, or that I really do nothing, or that I am to afraid, and several other things that just cause me to shake my head. It is okay that people do not understand, as this is the way *I* practice. I am not trying to convince or teach any one else to adopt my ways of practicing. I have read the books. I have had the mentors, I have tried everything the way most think you are *supposed* to do it. It does not work for me. It is not genuine, and if it is not genuine, then it is ineffective. So I do what works for me, and that is all that really matters, right?

This is already a magical season for me. The weather starts to cool off, and in fact this year it is unusually colder than it normally would be, and I am loving it. I come alive in the Fall and early Winter months.  Samhain is the first step on the journey to return to my true self...the one that hides in the hot and icky months.

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I am always very aware of Samhain, and what it represents, but I do not do the usual rituals and traditions that other Witches may do; such as the Dumb Supper or holding a Seance , or having a ritual, alone or with a coven. There are many different things that people do, and normally I do not do any of those. I quietly acknowledge my loved ones who have passed and do some reflection, and go about my day. This year is going to be a bit different.

This year has been one of the most difficult of my life.

For anyone who has been reading here for any length of time, knows that is saying something.

I don't just mean 2012, I mean an actual 365 days. Although in truth is is going on a year and two months now. I broke my ankle, lost a few friends, my oldest friend lost 15 years of her memory, Jack got hurt, my Dad was diagnosed with cancer, and then later died from it, (which is still devastating me ) Jack got hurt in other ways, I got hurt in other ways, money woes, things breaking, illness, emotional distress...just one thing after another. It has been terrible. There are a couple of bright spots that I am thankful for, but the bad far, far outweighs the good.

Tonight I am going to try to change that.

While what I am doing is not a "ritual" per se, it is for me, because as I stated earlier, I do everything inside of my head. This year I will have a massive fire, and I will celebrate with my family for a while, with joy and love, and then I will be alone, with the fire, with the spirits, and I will do my best to cast out some of the ever abundant "bad" in my life and try to balance it out with more "good" in my life. I will be trying to communicate with my daddy...I know he is near. I have smelled his cologne twice in the last week...the scent he wore when I was a child, and one that is not even made anymore...and suddenly he is always on my mind, every second of every day. I dream of him. I see movement out of the corner of my eye, when no one is around. I know he is here. So I am hoping for....something...tonight. His ash scattering was a fiasco, and I am still longing for internal closure, even while realizing on some levels I already have it. It is hard to describe with any real clarity.

I will spend precious time alone. Beseeching the unknown for peace. For a reprieve. For release from this downward spiral that has made us all so dizzy and sick.


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Samahin may be after the world spins into the darker half of the year...away from the sun...but in my world, the change in energy, the cooler weather...all of those things bring blessed and cooling moonlight into my life. Light is light,no matter if it is directly from the sun, or reflected off of the moon. Tonight is the Witch's New Year, and I hope and pray that it will be a year filled with love and laughter and joy. Peace, happiness, and prosperity. Good things. I have had my year of bad things. It is time for balance to be restored.

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Samhain means many things to this atypical Witch, but I can say with confidence that Samhain represents the doorway in which I step through to finally return to myself each year.

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There you have it. An entire month of posting for NaBloWriMo!! I had a lot of fun, and I have enjoyed reading all the posts from those who participated! I look forward to doing it again next year!

Thanks for hanging out with me this month. I hope you all have a blessed Samhain!

Foodie Friday: Jesus Seeds

What? Did you say Jesus Seeds, Bella?

I did folks.

Today's post is about food, but it is not a recipe. It is about something that irritated the hell out of me and I wanted to post about it.

First, a confession: I love Candy Corn. I know, it is not even a food, it is sugar and food coloring, coconut oil and some waxy stuff. They are terrible for you, they make my teeth hurt, and all kinds of stuff. I.Don't.Care. They only come around once a year, I buy a little teeny bag and it takes me 3 months to eat it, because I can only eat like 5 at a time. I love them. Sue me.

Jack and Alex and I were shopping for groceries the other day, and Jack came up to me with a HUGE bag of candy corn. I told him I did not need it, as I had bought my yearly teeny tiny bag at the dollar store earlier. He said "No, I do not want you to buy it, I want you to LOOK at it!" So I glanced a little closer and saw that it was a giant pack of candy corn in little individual packages, to give out to trick or treaters. So I thought. Upon closer inspection, I saw the name of the candy on the bag. This is what I saw:

(No this is not my pic. I got it off of google, and every time I tried to click on the blog it came from, it told me "Page Not Found" so if anyone DOES know where it came from, let me know and I will link to it. )

Yes, that bag DOES say Jesus Harvest Seeds.

Jesus Seeds.

Complete with a scripture on every little package!!

My response: What the fuck?

I was immediately irritated. Yes, I am considered Pagan, because I am not a Christian, but come on folks. Everyone SHOULD know by now that Halloween has never been about Satan or Devil Worship or ANY of that shit. It used to be about Celtic people dressing up in ancient times on Samhain to ward off ghosts and evil spirits. To ward OFF evil spirits, not WORSHIP them or BECOME one.

From History.com:

Straddling the line between fall and winter, plenty and paucity, life and death, Halloween is a time of celebration and superstition. It is thought to have originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off roaming ghosts. In the eighth century, Pope Gregory III designated November 1 as a time to honor all saints and martyrs; the holiday, All Saints’ Day, incorporated some of the traditions of Samhain. The evening before was known as All Hallows’ Eve and later Halloween. Over time, Halloween evolved into a secular, community-based event characterized by child-friendly activities such as trick-or-treating. In a number of countries around the world, as the days grow shorter and the nights get colder, people continue to usher in the winter season with gatherings, costumes and sweet treats.


So yeah. That was then. NOW for most of the population it means letting your kids use their imagination and dress up like their favorite character and go out and get a bunch of candy and have fun being out after dark. In no way has it ever been about being evil or worshiping the devil, at least as far as I know. Some freaky folks may do that on a personal level, but that is all them. So instead of letting my kid go out and have fun playing dress-up and scoring some sweets, now I have to have someone shoving their religion down my kids throat because they are trying to combat evil. My kid pretending to be a princess or Woody from Toy Story is evil? Does that mean when the preacher's 5 year old is in her room playing dress up on an average Tuesday that SHE is evil and worshiping the devil? Of course not. She is a little kid using her imagination to do something fun. Just like kids do on Halloween. What day it is should not matter. What folks did hundreds and hundreds of years ago should not matter either, ESPECIALLY when there was nothing evil about it in the first place!

It is not the name of it, it is not just because the fact Christians did it or that I hate Christians, because I don't, I love everyone until they give me a reason not to, it is because they are trying to turn something that is not evil into something to be afraid of, to be a sin, to control people. I do not care who did it, or what they call it, the reason behind it is just flat out wrong.

It irks me. What you teach your congregation in the privacy of your own church is your business, but when you start plastering scriptures on candy and other stuff, where my kid can be influenced, I have an issue with that. I would not go and plaster spells on candy and give it to YOUR kids, and I do not appreciate you doing it to mine. My kids will make their own decisions about what religion they want to be, if they choose to be ANY religion, when they are old enough to understand it for themselves and make an educated decision. I do not influence my kids to be Pantheist, as I am, nor does Jack influence the kids to be Pagan/Agnostic. Hell, my MOTHER, who IS a Christian, does not influence the kids to be Christian.

Folks will not agree with me, and that is okay, but this is how *I* feel about it. I do not want any religion, including my own ( even though it is not a religion ) to influence my kids before they are ready to logically examine them all and make their own choice based on what calls to them. It is CANDY for Pete's sake.

*End of mini rant*

I would also like to note that in the middle of writing this, when I went to get Alex off the bus, in the mailbox was a package. In that package was a personalized brand new shiny black bible with Jack's name on it, given to him by his father ( who is in prison ) and on the inside cover, it was dedicated to all three of us. Jack, myself, and Alex. Jack raised his eyebrows and walked off, but I spent a few minutes flipping through it. I LOVE it. I clutched it to my chest and breathed it in. I held it in a sense of reverence. It is gorgeous and in large print. I am no stranger to the bible, and I can quote scripture better than most Christians can, and I adore this book. Just because I do not subscribe to the religion itself does not mean I can not appreciate the words and the thoughts behind it, especially in the New Testament. I will read it from time to time, I still do that, and I will save it for Alex when she gets older. She may or may not decide to be Christian, but it is a beautiful book, and I do not attach all the stigma and dogma to it that most do. It just became an instant heirloom, and even if she is not Christian later, I will implore her to keep it and give it to her kids, should she choose to have them. My problem has never been about the book, or even about the words, it is about the people who twist it and use it as a weapon to inspire fear and discrimination and judgement.

I think Jesus was a wonderful scholar, healer, and all around bang up guy. But he was still at least part human, depending on what you believe, and he had emotions and thoughts, fears and doubts. I am not in any way bashing Christians. If it were Muslims with passages from the Quran or Jewish passages from the Torah, a Pagan with spells, or whatever holy book from whatever religion, I would be just as upset. People need to be free and allowed to make their own choices, and I feel that this taking over of candy and putting scriptures all over it and trying to turn it into something it is not, or turn it away from something it is not, is crossing a line. It is candy. Not a religious tool.

Blog Pimpin' for October!

Yes, I will be revamping my own, I am starting the work on that as we speak, but right now I want to mention two long awaited events that we in the Blogger universe look forward to all year! It is October, and you know what that means!

First off we have the highly anticipated 31 Days of Halloween over at Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom. Mrs. B has some awesome giveaways and wonderful guest bloggers for the entire month! Check her out every day for a chance at winning something new every day, and to read the fantastic guest blogger and Haunted Blog Tour participants!

The other October Thing of Awesomeness is from LJ over at A Racing Mind. Her 31 Days of Horror is a personal favorite of mine, as I love horror movies, and last year I added a few to my viewing collection that I was not aware of before thanks to her! This year should prove to be especially creepy, especially for me, because her theme for this year is spiders, and as you all know, spider freak me the hell out and will send me screaming for the hills. I have actually been trapped in my house due to a massive Banana Spider making a web that spanned my entire front door ( on the outside ) and I refused to leave until Jack got home and transplanted her lol. So go check out her 31 Days of Horror movies series and check it out!

As for me, I am currently looking for a new Fall layout, as I enjoy the cool temps outside. I have my house open and music playing and I have been enjoying several cups of herbal and fruit hot tea. This is the beginning of my favorite time of year, and I feel the long anticipated "Fall Rush" which is what I call that spark of life and energy that usually fills me this time of year. Look for more posts from me in my new fall dress soon, but in the meantime, go to the awesome blogs above and have some fun!

Am I a Bad Witch?

The month of October, the highlight of most Witch's Year, is well underway. The Halloween decorations have been in the stores since late August, houses are decorated already, the internet sites I frequent and the games I play are all decked out in their spooky finery. Everyone is in a state of anticipation and creamy goodness.

Except me.

Am I a bad Witch for wishing October were just done and over already? The contests and 31 days of....( and no I am not calling anyone out in blog land, because all that stuff is awesome fun lol ) is all over the internet..and it is all great fun, I have entered a jillion of them myself, but this is not what Samhain is about!

Maybe it is because so many Witches live in places they can only truly express themselves and come out of the Broom Closet for a single month out of the year. I get that. Maybe I have a hard time because even living in a place where the God Fearing and Gun Toting  people abound, ( And yes I am a gun toter too lol ) I have not been in the Broom Closet since I was like 15, I have a harder time relating.

Maybe it is because historically, the month of October sucks for me, with the exception of my babygirl's birth, even though she was born at 28 weeks, she survived and never suffered any health problems or delayed development over it.

I feel the same way about Yule/Xmas. Everyone is so worried about the commercial aspect of it, no one talks about or pays much attention to the real "reason for the season", no matter what religion they are.

Or maybe it is because the decor in my house is "Halloweeny" year round, so it desensitizes me to a degree.

Maybe it is because I have had 4 hours of sleep and I am grumpy and feel like "listening" to myself bitch, who knows lol.  I take that back, I am not grumpy, just tired...and when I am tired I tend to be more open with things that bother me.

In blog land, of the umpteen dozen blogs I follow ( and love, or I would not follow you lol ) very few have posted anything about Samhain, what it is, what it means to them, things they do for Samhain, things like that. Most of it is "Click here and here, and here..oh and here and here, to maybe win a shrunken head on a stick" (Please Goddess don't let any of the blogs I read actually be giving away a shrunken head on a stick or I am dead meat, oh please oh please) Of which I have done more than once this month *winks*

I guess I just expected Pagan blogs to be more...Pagan. Now don't get me wrong. I do not mean one of those stiff and formal types who have a 48 page ritual to honor the Dead. Those bore the shit out of me. I am eclectic and informal for a reason. It is who I am.

I don't know, maybe I am just rambling again. I do that a lot lol. I guess I just expected more from the Pagan Community at large this time of year. One of our local Pagan Pride festivals is this time of year, and I remember when it used to be about Pagans, and what we are, and what we do, and what it means to us. Now, it is about selling T-Shirts and buttons and posters that say " I survived the  Pagan Pride Festival of 2009", complete with little hordes of people with torches and pitchforks. No, I am not kidding. I know a few of the vendors this year, and have seen the template with my own two eyes. Funny? Yes. The point of a Pride festival? No lol. Not to me anyway.

I just feel like a bad witch at times because I do not buy in to all the other stuff everyone else seems to go apeshit for this time of year. I guess it has to do with my underlying issues with commercialism.

Well hopefully ya'll are not saying " Oh no that bitch did NOT just make a reference to me!" because I was not doing that. This is something I have had issues with for years, and I have only been a blogger for a few months lol. Like..3 of them..it is something I have wanted to give a voice to for a long long time.

Maybe there are others like me, who feel the way I do, or maybe it is just me and everyone will come down on my head for this. I don't know. Either way is okay, because regardless of what anyone says, I will have their answers and will know if I am alone in my thoughts or if others maybe wish it were a little more that what it has been as well...

Thanks for reading my ramblings lol..

Music of the Moment: Little Earth Quakes by Tori Amos*

New look....again!!

So I updated my look again, the other layout, while cute, was very restricting and started doing weird things, so I said to hell with it and went to find something new.

I really love this look, and make sure you scroll down to the bottom to see all the cute little things down there! What I like about this one is that is fits the colors and images for Halloween, yet it is not locked into a Halloween ONLY theme...meaning I can use it all the time...or until I get bored with it...which happens often.

Yes, I rearrange the stuff in my house all the time, if it tells you anything lol.

SO check me out and let me know what you think!

*Music of the Moment: Dead Man's Party by Oingo Boingo*

New Look!!!

Just a quick note to say that I updated my blog for the upcoming Samhain/Halloween holiday...even though I told myself I was not sure about it...but I finally did it anyway, and while I am not usually a fan of 2 column layouts, I think this one rocks!

PLUS, she is redheaded and green eyed..like me!!

Let me know what you think!!

*Music of the Moment: Bye Bye Beautiful by Nightwish*