Bumps in the road....

The closer we get to a huge life change, the more rocky the road we travel to get there becomes.

It is to be expected, and honestly at this point in my life, I am an old pro in rolling with the flow.

There are some things that still throw me for a loop, and anything happening to my kids or Jack affects me in a big way.

Jack was in the hospital for 6 days last week.

He had an attack of diverticulitis.  Long time readers know that he was diagnosed a few years ago, when he got an infection so bad that it almost killed him.

This time, he knew what was happening, and had me take him to the E.R. at the first sign of trouble. The down side was, I had been up for 24 hours prior, and was in town with my Mom when he called. I went to a doctor appointment with my Mom for some moral support, and had not slept yet, since I had planned to sleep when I got home. I ended up having a late lunch with Mom and we had been having some pretty deep conversations when Jack called and told me he needed help. He did not want to call an ambulance because he had Alex, and did not want to scare her, so Mom and I rushed home and she took Alex with her while I took Jack to the E.R.

We got there at 5 pm and after a couple of CT scans and blood draws they determined his white count was through the roof and wanted to keep him. He finally got a room at 3 that morning. I had been awake for 38 hours by that point. I was in no shape to drive so I got a couple of hours sleep on a pull out chair and  finally went home the next morning when I was in a better position to drive. Mom kept Alex the whole time, but I only got to go see Jack once, due to gas money issues. I was very unhappy with him being gone. Luckily things were not as bad as they were last time, because he went right in at the first sign of trouble, but it was still very painful for him. It is impossible to rest in a hospital, so he was tired and grumpy, and missing home. He had to spend Father's Day alone in there. While I did not cry or anything, I still hated being apart from him. In the almost ten years we have been together, we have only been apart at night twice, once the first time he went through this, and the next when I broke my ankle and had to stay with my Mom since he had to work and I could not be alone for a while. It was hard. Not only are we husband and wife, we are each other's best friends, and we do not handle being apart for long very well.

I spent a lot of time cleaning and doing stuff around here to keep busy, and talking to him often on the phone.  On the 6th day his white count was within normal parameters and they let him go home with prescriptions for antibiotics at home. He is still tired, but feeling much better.

I am happy he is feeling better and that I have he and Alex back home, where they belong. My family is my center, and I do not feel right when they are not with me.

We had his last appointment with his back doctor on Monday, after he was released from the hospital. His Dr. is retiring from the place he was currently at, and he is moving to Destin to open a practice there. I was sad..I have known that doctor for over 20 years. He operated on my father and several other people I know. He is almost like family at this point. He gave me a hug and shook Jack's hand, wished us luck, and asked us to keep in touch, and let him know how things turned out, and that he was handing us over to his old partner, who is staying there in the practice. His partner is a good doctor too, we actually saw him first before we requested his current doctor when we found out he was available. There is really nothing to be done medically right now...they can't fix him, and we go for our first mediation next month. So now we try to move on with our lives and adjust to the fact that Jack will never be as he was before he got hurt. Jack is still struggling with the acceptance part. I am just happy he is alive and able to continue with his life, even if it is not in the same capacity as it was prior to the injury.

As for me, I had my nerve test almost two weeks ago, and I am still waiting to get an appointment to meet with my neurologist to get the diagnosis from all of my tests. My Mom's neurologist said it sounds like I have MS to him, and he is not the first person who has said that, and I will be honest, that has crossed my mind many times too. If I have not heard back from him by Monday afternoon, then I will call Tuesday and see if I can get some information.

In other news, we dyed Alex's hair pink for the Summer. I will take some pics soon and share, I have to make some room on my memory card in the camera for them. It looks really awesome, we both love it. After we find out what happens with the mediation and I no longer have to be sure and look respectable by other people's standards, I am thinking of dying mine Lavender. I am ready for a drastic change.

That is all that is going on for now. I will be making some changes around here soon, with the blog and my home. I want to make a new layout and tweak some things on the blog, plus get back into my recipes and  book posts. Plus I have some book reviews to write. On the home front, I am about to go through the house and declutter a lot of the dust collectors we have, and donate them to my favorite thrift store, which feeds the homeless with the funds they take in. I also have a good bit of clothes to go through and donate, and some other things. When we move, I intend to only take the furniture, our clothes, the kitchen stuff, and our personal keepsakes. I am donating everything else. I have been hauling some of this crap around for 20 years and I am over it. I need room for new memories.

I want a fresh start in our Forever Home.


That sums it up for tonight.

What have you all been up to over the last couple of weeks? How is Summer treating you?

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Evil Virus of Doom...and other things.

Just a short post today.

Alex and I have been plagued with some terrible virus for the past week. Alex came home Friday with 104 temperature, and Saturday she had a terrible sore throat. I also started coming down with it on Saturday, and Sunday, Mother's Day, we were in the ER getting strep tests.

Luckily, they were negative, but that did not stop the horrible and searing throat pain. We were both unable to eat more than a few bites for three days, and Alex's fever stayed in the 103-104 range for three days. Finally on Thursday it broke to under 100 and stayed there, and I was able to start eating again. She has been fever free for 48 hours now, and can talk and eat with ease again.

All Alex could eat was Popsicles for two days.

Alex has never been so sick in her 8 years. It was very scary for me. She would not eat, could hardly drink, and did not say a word for three days. As most know, Alex is a talker. She talks NON-stop all the time. Yet nothing but head nods and shakes for three days. The few bites of food she would eat I had to feed her like a baby bird. She was so weak she could hardly sit up, much less feed herself.

Jack was very kind, he pretty much ran the house for the week. I was in bed for two days, only getting up to use the bathroom. He cooked and did dishes and got us anything we needed. It was very nice.

I did the dishes and ran the vac today, for the first time in a week, and tomorrow I am going to cook a real meal. We have been living off of broths and soups, as it was so painful to swallow anything, and we are all ready for something more substantial. So I intend to make steak tacos, and I have a giant seedless watermelon in the fridge chilling for dessert. I have been craving the melon like crazy for the last couple of months. I blame it on longing for Summer. ( Try not to gasp in shock over the fact I am longing for Summer lol ) It is the middle of May and we have had a few nights of upper 30's and low 40's. In Florida. I am still wearing jeans most of the time. My shorts sit in the drawers...waiting to see the light of day.

In other news, there are two weeks of school left, and even though we were so sick, it was nice not having to worry about living life by the clock for the past week. Sleeping when we wanted, waking when we felt like it. No rush to eat dinner and do dishes, or make sure laundry was done for the school week. I am really looking forward to a couple of months of that.

Also, we have been given a mediation date with Jack's former employers. It is set for the second week in July. Of course, I can not give any detail, but hopefully this hellish 2 year period of doom will all be over soon, in our favor. Jack had a doctor visit this week and the doc said he should have a fusion. Jack told him " No, thank you." The doc also told Jack that he was a record breaker. The Doc had never operated on one person 4 times in a row in such a short amount of time. Hell of a thing to be a record holder on, eh? There will be no more surgeries unless the alternative is to end up in a wheelchair forever. They keep hacking on him and he is still not fixed, and he is just done with it. There has been no improvements,  so now he just wants pain management and to settle, so we can move on with our lives.



So hopefully, soon we will come to the light at the end of this long, dark tunnel we have been navigating.

Source

Hmmm, what else?

Oh yeah, my birthday! I turned 34 on May 4th, and my Mom and older kids surprised me by taking us all out to dinner at Outback. It was scrumptious, and it was nice to be gathered with my family. The only down side was it was graduation weekend for FSU and FAMU, so the place was packed and very loud, which made talking almost impossible. One we got back to Mom's, I saw that she had made me one of her delicious cakes, which I adore. They also got me a humorous birthday card, with a sexy shirtless guy in it, and he sang happy birthday to me, but you had to rub his abs to get him to do it, and he was ticklish, so he giggled while he sang. It cracked me up. All in all, it was a very nice birthday, the best I have had in a very long time. I still smile when I think about it.

Mother's Day was a wash, due to us being sick, but Saturday, the day before, Jack made a great dinner and did the dishes, so it all worked out. He and Alex also got me a card each, and Alex also made me a handmade card. They both made me cry, they wrote such sweet things in them. It warmed my heart. They drive me crazy sometimes, but I know they love me, and I love them.

I think that is about it for now. My "short" post ended up being a little longer than I intended, but a lot has transpired since I last wrote lol.

So I will end  here, and I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

P.S. I am still looking for questions for my 'Ask Me Anything' segment. I only have a couple, and I am really wanting to do this. So please, send your questions in. Click the graphic in the upper corner of the left sidebar to be taken to the post with the details! Thank you! :D

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Haunted at Planet Buddha!

After a long silence, I finally posted over at Planet Buddha!

I want to thank the people there for being so patient with me while I try to scrape my wits up out of the hole they have been hanging out in for over a year. They are amazing.

"I have never been much of a "seer" when it came to ghosts. While almost always aware...almost always being able to feel, and sometimes hear...there have only been a dozen or so times that I have ever laid eyes upon a ghost. The first time it ever happened, I was a young girl, and my great uncle passed away. I loved him dearly, and he visited me for a while. You can read that story here. A doorway was opened, and it led to those other viewings, but it has never came easy for me since the first time......"

Continue reading post at Planet Buddha..

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

So it has been an interesting few days. My eldest daughter turned 16, but due to Alex being sick, we were unable to celebrate with her, as we can not be around my Mom if we are sick. It feels like yesterday that she was a tiny squalling thing, and now she is almost grown.

We got a free kitchen table and four chairs from our neighbor. They were kind of beat up, but it is a ceramic tile topped table, and I can see how pretty it will be after I finish getting it sanded and painted. I will take before and after pics to show you my progress. We have not had a kitchen table since we moved here almost 8 years ago, ( we eat on the couch ) so it will be nice to have dinner there and have the work space when needed. I am really excited about the project! It felt so good to be out there in the sun and fresh air working with the power sander. It was the first time I felt accomplished about something in a very long time.

Jack is scheduled to have two back to back MRIs soon, one with contrast dye and one without. He popped something in his back Friday before last, and has been  in a lot of pain ever since. They had to put him back on his heavy duty pain killers, which he had been off of for months. It seems like all he can do is sleep ( due to pain and heavy duty pain killers making him sleepy ) or stand in the back propped on the dryer so he can smoke at the back door as it hurts him to move up and down the steps at times. He is depressed still...and just bleh. I miss his spark.

I am trying very hard to not be bummed out right now. Our landlord raised our rent due to higher property taxes, in a time when we have to go to extreme measure just to pay the old rent amount. My phone will probably be cut off in the next few days, after the 16th of next month my net will go, and the $200 I get in food stamps used to last us a month now hardly lasts two weeks due to the increase in food prices. ( That is with me shopping VERY frugally ) We have ran out of gas in the truck twice, one a couple of weeks ago, forcing Jack to walk two miles to a gas station to get enough gas to get home, afterwards he could not move for two days due to agonizing pain from the walk, and then yesterday after we had to go pick up Alex from school because she was sick, and we had to walk about a half a mile to the gas station. We are constantly running low or short on things like toilet paper and body soap, laundry soap and dish soap, because my food stamps do not cover those things. I got a few donations from people right after I posted about our need, which helped us for that one month, and I am grateful, but that is long gone and the bills do not go away unfortunately.

One of the reasons I do not write much anymore is because I have nothing good to say most days, and I know people are tired of hearing me complain and be needy. I am tired of hearing me complain and be needy too, so I just shut up. I have great people in my life who are very emotionally giving and light candles and pray for us, which is great..but our needs are purely physical. Food, shelter, ways of communication,  reliable transportation. None of those things are a given any more and it is one of the worst things in the world, to never, ever feel secure and know that things are going to be okay. I can't remember the last time I felt safe and secure.

Alex is unhappy, she cries at the drop of a hat, she is moody and argumentative...and I know it is because of our situation. She is a very sensitive little girl and even though we do our best to shelter her and hide how dire things are from her, she still feels it rolling off of us. It hurts to see my sweet little girl turn into this sad shadow of herself, just like it hurts to see what was once a strong and fiery man turn into a ghost of what he once was. I know I have changed in so many ways as well. None of us are whole anymore. I do not know what else I can do. Once I lose the phone, Jack will be unable to be in the required communication with his doctors, workers comp agency, and lawyers, and I will be unable to talk back and forth with the MJF Foundation who is trying to set me up with a doctor here in town, or any other doctor I might need, not to mention the school will have no way to contact me if Alex needs to be picked up. Once I lose the net, all contact with the world at large will cease. I do not know what to do, and we are all hurting and in despair.

One step forward and two steps back is how it always seems to feel. One good or great thing will happen, I get happy for a minute and WHAM! Two bad or terrible things hit us.

I am letting people down, and I feel like a big jerk about it. Things that were supposed to be great failed horribly, I can't seem to mentally or emotionally commit to anything right now, due to just being sick with worry ( which triggers flare ups in my body ) and unable to focus on anything very long.

I am out of options and out of hope. Every time we get back on our feet, something snatches the rug out from under us. I  was reading about another blogger who raised over ten grand for a family of total and complete strangers..that he expect a few hundred bucks, but got thousands, and while I cried because I was so happy that people pulled together to give to people they did not even know, and give those people a better life, at the same time I admit I was bitter and I was crying because I wished something similar could happen to us. I cry at night because it is not fair. Jack worked so hard, every single day. He was not lazy, or looking for a handout, he busted his ass 6 days a week to give us what little we had, and I worked my ass of when I was employed, and I work my ass off here trying to give my family a home. We are good people, we do not use drugs, we do not drink, we do not lie, cheat, and steal. Yet we are the ones having to suffer, while people keep punching out kids to get welfare, buying drugs with their cash assistance, or get a free ride while not contributing anything to the universe...those people drive brand new cars, have nice houses, and all the food they can eat. We work our ass off and do not have shit.  If not for my mother and a few beautiful souls that shared their children's clothes with her at Christmas, Alex would not have clothes. Not being able to give her what she needs and wants makes me want to curl in a ball and die. I love my family more than anything, and I cannot assure them that we will be okay, and I know Jack feels even worse than I do about it. It kills him to have to rely on anyone but ourselves, and the last 4 months have ripped him apart inside. He thinks I do not hear, but I hear him in the shower, or at night when he thinks I am asleep, crying.

Jack.does.not.cry.

But I have heard him trying to sob quietly so as not to alarm us. It kills me.

So that is where we are, what we are doing, and why we are doing it.

Depressing read, I know. Sorry. But that is my life right now.

If anyone still wants to help, the pay pal buttons are still up in the corner.

Recovering...

Just a quick post today.I have a thick brain fog today, and honestly all I want to do is take a 12 hour nap.

Until last night, I slept 6 hours in three days. I am calling it a slight case of insomnia, as I do not know what else I could call it. ( It started the night before that coffee binge, by the way, so that was a by-product, not a cause lol )

I had two nights in a row of less than three hours of sleep, and getting up before 3 AM. Last night I took two melatonin  and went to bed at 7:30 PM. I slept...albeit not deeply, until 6:30 this morning. I got up a few times but the meds made me groggy enough to be able to go back to sleep.

I am still dragging today, from residual tiredness and brain fog, so I am just chilling out today, not doing much of anything, except yawning a lot.

I do have some potential good news. I think I was approved for medicaid today, starting next month. If that is true, then my life as far as healthcare goes will change drastically, as I will finally be able to go to the doctor for my myriad of health issues, and have the tests I need done so I can get help finding out what is wrong and how to fix it. I also heard back from the MJF foundation, and it seems that they are going to help me as well, so that  is great news.

Jack has to have another MRI, as he is having some serious pain a little higher up on his back. Still related to his work injury. Also, the PT people stopped his appointments, as he is not improving even after 8 weeks. So back to the drawing board for he and his doctor. You know, it is really terrible that a man who wants nothing more to go back to work can not do so, and there are so many people out there riding that clock out so they do not have to work. It just does not seem right.

We did finally get to go to the grocery store yesterday, and scored a bunch of stuff in a sweet sale at one of our local grocers. Few things make me happier than having a fully stocked kitchen. Except my net being paid. One down, one to go *Grins*

This weekend I intend to clean the house, and next week I will be starting on Alex's room. It is time to weed out her toys and clothes to donate, and do a little rearranging. Then it will be time to paint, and I am excited about it. It will be a drastic change, and I will take before and after pics if I can remember to get batteries for my camera! I need to invest in some good rechargeable ones, since I already have a charger for them ;)

However, today I  rest. So there.

What are  your plans for the weekend?

One More Day...and a special offer for you!

There is one more day of Holiday vacation for Alex. Tomorrow is the last day, as she goes back on Tuesday and I fully admit I am more than ready. I need a little peace and quiet, and the ability to do anything without stepping all over her in the process lol.

I have enjoyed the staying up all night and sleeping most of the day, which is my natural and preferred sleeping pattern, but I will welcome the scheduled days and nights back with open arms, as with her in school I tend to be much more productive, and my efforts are not destroyed an hour later.

I have so much to do and I want to get started on it. So bring on Tuesday! *Giggles*

Jack is making chili for dinner, ( and apparently several of my friends are as well, it must be chili day!  ) and I am going to take this last day to just chill and not do much. Tomorrow I will do my usual cleaning and get things ready for the return to school.

I also want to do a little shameless plug today. Recently I had the chance to name a new fragrance oil created by Esta Weiss of Pagan and Proud Of It, for sale in her Etsy Shop. The scent I helped her to name, along with another lady, is comprised of three of my favorite scents. Nag Champa, Patchouli, and Dragon's Blood. I came up with the name Dragon's Heart, and both Esta and the other lady approved of the name, so there it is! I got my bottle a couple of days ago and let me tell you, the smell is divine. I am wearing it right now. It is rich and enveloping and lasts for a long time. It is so amazing, and if you scroll down the page on that Esty link I gave you, down in the "New"section at the bottom of the page, you will find the Dragon's Heart. I have gotten a lot of scented oils in my time, and most of them are not very strong, they are mostly carrier oil with a drop or two of fragrance oil. Not so with this oil. As stated on her page, she only used enough carrier oil to make it safe to use on the skin. After receiving my bottle, I know this to be true, it is wonderful.

The best news is, if you mention Bella Foxglove from Tales of The Wolf Queen, you will get a 10% discount on your fragrance purchase! Be sure to contact her to let her know I sent you, and she will set up a special listing just for you to reflect the discount! At the very bottom of the fragrance page there is a "contact the seller" link, so use that to let her know I sent you! She has many scents and combinations to choose from, so click HERE to head to the shop and purchase your amazing fragrance oil today!

I hope you all are having a relaxing Sunday, and that you have a wonderful week!

Sort of a sleepy Saturday

Not much going on today here in the House of Wolf. I made an executive decision to not do any more major cleaning or rearranging as long as all three of us are here in the house. It is kind of like seeing a tornado coming at you, and hurrying to clean the house before the tornado obliterates it. Pointless and an effort in futility.

So I just ran the vac and dusted, and then called it a day. Alex goes back to school Tuesday, so I will start again then.

It had been raining and chilly the last few days, and while normally I welcome the rain, it is driving me nuts right now. My shoulder and ankle are letting me know in no uncertain terms that it is raining, and I can not seem to get warm. Hot showers, hot beverages, activity and even blankets are not helping. It might be my anemia...I have not eaten yet today so that is probably not helping matters.

Anyway, I am going to be hunting for a new layout soon, as the holidays are finally over, thank goodness. So excuse my dust as I make a few changes!

What are you guys and gals up to this weekend?

Sleepy Sunday NaBloWriMo Day 21

Good afternoon folks. It is a sleepy kind of day here in the House of Wolf.

We went to my Mother's house for her little celebration for Alex's birthday. She made Alex's favorite meal of potato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, and made her a pumpkin cake. Shaped, not flavored. We stayed  for a couple of hours, bur Mom ( who works at home 4 days a week ) had to work and Jack and I were ready to come home. We both really want to take a nap, but it is too late in the day. For me it is, maybe not for him.

Last week my 14 year old son told me he was interested in Paganism; Wicca to be specific, and has been asking me a lot of questions about it. I am pleased. I do not influence any of my kids intentionally, I feel kids should be old enough to study different religions on their own, and make their own educated choice, and that means I have never volunteered any info to any of my kids unless they have directly asked me.

I told him I would let him borrow some of my books, and I had some things I could give him to help him get started on his exploration. I explained that I was not Wiccan, but I had some Wiccan books that could help him.

I never really knew how much he and I are alike about certain things. Music, and animals, we like a lot of the same types of things,  but as he has always been a quiet child, we never really talked about anything until recently. It is nice to know that we share similar interests.

My eldest daughter dabbled in it for a while, but it was not really her thing, which is fine. It will be interesting to see if this is the path that calls to my son, I am excited to see him start his journey.


Nothing else is really going on today. Jack is resting, playing a PS3 game in bed, Alex is playing with her friend down the road, and I am here, about to lose myself in some Facebook games for a while. I am taking this last day to rest before everything starts back up tomorrow.

So that is it for me today, see you tomorrow!

Another busy day: NaBloWriMo day 16

Later and later these days. Sorry folks.

Today has been a busy day of writing and cleaning and taking party decorations down and washing, drying and folding a crap ton of laundry, plus Alex came home early today. There is a tummy bug floating around school and I am afraid she caught it, so even though she is feeling a bit better now, I am going to keep her home from school tomorrow just in case. So booo baby is sick, but yay I can stay up a little later and SLEEP in tomorrow morning!

Tomorrow I will be writing a special post, another teaser post leading up to my November 2nd post with Winston Emerson, author of The Object, among other things.

Mr. Emerson has a special request to ask of his readers to help with the promotion of his new book. I will post the details tomorrow.

I hope you are all having a wonderful evening, and I will be back tomorrow! Sorry for the short posts, but it is busy as usual around here lol. As long as I post, it counts, right?

Have a great night!

I Break For Birthdays! NaBloWriMo Day 15

Today is my baby girl Alex's 8th birthday, and today has been very busy with prep and spending time with the birthday girl. So tonight's post will be a few pics, as it is late and it is still Alex time!

 Be back tomorrow!

A Day of Rest : NaBloWriMo day 14

Today was a much needed day of rest for me.

I went to bed at one this morning, and I slept until one this afternoon. Twelve hours of coma-like bliss. I felt like a totally different person when I woke up. I wanted to sleep longer, but my muscles demanded that I get up.

I have done nothing today, other than make a simple dinner of deconstructed pot pie and mashed potatoes, and cleaning up the dishes. It is hard for me to just sit and do nothing all day, but my mind, body, and spirit really needed the break. I feel much more like myself. I am hoping with another 7 hours of sleep tonight, I will feel great tomorrow after I wake up.

I am so excited for tomorrow. My baby girl Alex will be 8 years old. When I return home from taking her to the bus in the morning, I will go on a cleaning spree and get the house back into shape. Then, after resting a bit from that, around 1 pm I am going to make Alex birthday cupcakes. I am not the best sweets baker by any means, so I cheated and bought a mix. Alex loves Halloween, as she associates it with her birthday month, so I bought a Halloween cake mix, vanilla with little orange and black candy bits inside, and Halloween frosting...orange with little ghosts and witch and black cat sprinkles. She is going to love it. I also bought some balloons and streamers, and I am going to blow up the balloons, attach them to the end of the streamers, and hang them from the living room ceiling. We have been buying her small gifts here and there over the last few months, so now she has one of those giant gift bags full of little things. So when she gets home tomorrow afternoon, she will walk in to a room filled with dancing balloons in the air, a platter of spooky cupcakes, and a huge bag of gifts. I hope she is happy. This year will be so different for her, with Dad gone, and I really want her day to be special. I think she will be thrilled, and I can hardly wait until tomorrow when I can get it all put together.

On a more personal note, I am really hoping things turn a corner for me. I want to be myself again, and I am going to start taking steps to return to what I feel I should be.

One of the things I needed most was rest, and so I took it today. It was the right thing to do. Next, I need to get my house back in order. I HATE having a messy house, and over the last month I have been keeping it picked up, so as not to go totally nuts, but I have not deep cleaned in a while, and anyone who knows me, knows that having a messy place is not what I am about. So tomorrow I will get the place set back to rights, as it should be, and I know I will feel much better for it. I have not done my fall cleaning yet, and I am itching to get it done.

After that comes the task of getting things in my life organized again. My word is my bond, and I have been through so much the last month that I have fallen short of obligations I have made, and that really bothers me. Everyone has been understanding, and I am grateful, but again, that is not me. When I say I am going to do something, I do it, and falling short of that is a terrible thing to me. So I will get myself reorganized and back on track and do the things I said I would do. I do not want people to feel they can not count on me to do something because I do not meet deadlines. I have been very stressed over that.

There will be other things, but I need to get these done and out of the way first. Those are the big ones.

So thanks for hanging in there with me folks. I know I have been all over the place for a bit, but I am bound and determined to get our from under this black cloud, and let the sun warm my face once again.

Until tomorrow!

NaBloWriMo Day 5: One of the lucky ones

I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that are pregnant, and are having a hard time keeping their babies in their womb until it is the proper time to come out. Hospital visits, shots to stop contractions, steroid shots to develop  wee little lungs in case they have to breathe air much sooner than they should.

I have other friends and acquaintances that have had their babies early. Some of them were born with problems. Some of them unfortunately did not survive.

I have survivors guilt. The interesting part is that is it not MY survival that makes me feel guilty. It is my baby girl, Alex's survival that I sometimes feel guilty about.

I know that sounds terrible, and I am not saying I wish she had NOT survived, nothing of the sort! What I am guilty over is the fact that Alex is one of the lucky ones.

Alex was born at 28 weeks gestation exactly. I had severe pre-eclampsia. I was dumping so much protien they doctors has to run special tests on my urine, as their little test strips did not read a high enough number to accurately read me. I was in the hospital a week prior, getting daily injections of meds to keep my blood pressure down and stop me from going into seizures while they pumped me full of fluid. I was putting NO urine out. My kidneys were failing. I was dying. I had such terrible fluid retention that I was literally the size of an extra person. My face was unrecognizable. I was not lucid. My brain was not processing information correctly the second day in the hospital. Luckily it was the first day, the day of admission, that my doctor told me if they did not take my baby out that neither of us would survive it. Due to the issues I had with all three of my pregnancies, she highly recommended that I get my tubes tied. She said the chances of mine and the future baby's survival were very slim. My body could no longer take it. I agreed. I signed the papers on  a Monday, and I declined very rapidly. After many shots of steroids to develop Alex's lungs, Friday, October the 15th, 2004, they took Alex from me by c-section. We were unsure going into surgery if she would survive, or if I would survive. I was in severe danger, and due to Alex being so early, the doctor could not tell me for sure if Alex would survive or not. It was a terrifying time.

A couple of hours later, Alex was born, and I hazily remember asking why she was not crying, and having the tiniest human face I have ever seen hover in front of my blurry eyes, so I could give her a kiss before they whisked her away. After they tied my tubes and I woke up some time later in recovery, they wheeled me into the NICU to really see her for the first time. She was so tiny. Jack's wedding ring fit over her foot onto her tiny ankle. They only let me stay for a minute before they took her to put her into an incubator and me to get cleaned up and moved to a regular room. I feared the worst, because it was some time before I was able to see her again, many hours later. She was on oxygen and a feeding tube, and I wanted to cry. Then the doctor came over and told me she was stunned, but Alex was perfect. Her lungs were perfect, they were simply keeping her on oxygen overnight as a precaution, and the feeding tube was because there was no way she could nurse. Each of my boobs were bigger than her entire body.

The next day, she came off the oxygen, never to be put back on it. She kept the feeding tube in for 4 days, and they transitioned her to a preemie bottle with milk I pumped. She was so strong ( for a baby her size ) they put a Ty Beanie Baby, a black panther, on her back to keep her still, because she kept trying to scoot out of the incubator.

She was...and is...a fighter.

She stayed in the hospital one month and one day. As soon as she hit 5 pounds and maintained it for a couple of days, she came home on November 16th. Other than a sluggish bowel, which meant she got constipated very easily, there was not a single thing wrong with her. There has not been a single thing wrong with her since. She has only been sick 3 or 4 times with a cold in almost EIGHT YEARS. She was not developmentally delayed. She crawled, talked, walked, all ahead of schedule. Earlier than my two almost full term children. Nothing has slowed her down since the day she came into this world.

She is a survivor.

She is one of the lucky ones. A much more rare one. Most preemies have a host of health problems, mental problems, developmental problems at the very least. Alex had none of those. So it makes it very hard to talk to some of my friends who have gone or are going through having preemie babies...because they were not always so lucky. Some lost their babies. Some have physical issues. Some have other problems. They are all amazing and wonderful children, but I always fear they might look at Alex, or me, with resentment because Alex is healthy and always has been.

Because she is one of the lucky ones.

I hope and pray that my friends who are trying to hang on to their babies are able to keep them long enough to do so, and if not, then I hope they come out of the birthing process unscathed. But if not, I hope and pray for them to have the strength, patience, and support to handle whatever comes their way. Every baby is precious, no matter if they are perfectly healthy or if they have special needs. "Special" Needs means just that...that baby is so very special.

Next Monday is Alex's 8th birthday, and while I am thankful every day that she is with me, I always say an extra thank you to the Universe on her birthday, for giving me such a special little girl to love.

Next month is Premature Baby Awareness Month. I hope that we can one day find out how to keep babies in the womb as long as they need to be, but until then, I hope we can all show love and support to these kids, and the amazing parents and caregivers to these special children.

I got lucky, Alex is healthy, but all of the kids, healthy or not, are survivors, and fighters, and I am proud that my baby girl is one of those precious children.

Ten Things Thursday: Ten Things That Make Me Happy

It has been a very, very stressful week, and I was originally going to do another ten things I am grateful for post, but I did that recently so I will change it a bit and make it things that make me happy. It will hopefully achieve the same results, as I need a reminder every now and then of such things.

1. Family and Friends who understand:

I am so happy that the people who mean the most to me are understanding of the fact that times are tough right now, and I am not always available, and when I am, my brain is so shot out and tired I just want to veg, I do not want to talk about anything deep, and that I need to withdraw from the outside world for a while and focus on me and whatever I am going through at that time. I know it may sound selfish to some, but the ones who matter know that I have a lot on my plate and that I am not myself right now. Thank you, to those people.

2. Cooler Weather:

Fall is officially here on the calender, and thankfully the temperature got the memo. It is already much cooler at night, I have slept with my window open a few nights, and the days are not so humid and hot either. Winter is much harder on me now that I have lost some weight, and have a lot of metal in my bones thanks to breaking my ankle, so super cold temps are not much fun, but Fall weather is great. Nice days and chilly nights, where I can open my window and snuggle under my warm blankets are so awesome.

3. Closure:

My Mom called me the other day, and informed me that the road leading back to where my Dad wanted his ashes scattered is finally repaired and open again, since being destroyed by Tropical Storm Debbie a couple of months ago. That means in a couple of weeks we are finally going to make that trip and scatter Dad to the wind and the ocean, as he wanted. I have come to terms with his passing, although I still miss him terribly, and I know he is "gone" and his ashes were just what is left of his physical body, but it makes me happy to know that soon we will be able to fulfill his last wish and set him free. A final send off, making it official, gives me a sense of comfort for some reason. Right now it still feels so unfinished.

4. Books:

Reading is one of the things that has helped me keep my sanity the last week, but also for most of my life. I have been able to lose myself in a few books this week, and I have welcomed the distraction they have provided. I even had a good friend gift an ebook to me that I have been wanting, which was awesome. If not for the books and being able to forget about what is happening here during the day, I think I might have lost my mind. They provide me with an escape from the crushing amount of stress, now and other times in my life. Books have saved my life more than once, and as dramatic as that sounds...it is true.

5. Music:

I almost made this into a top ten songs of all time post, but I want to include videos and stuff for that, and I have to do that early in the morning or after 2 AM on a weekend, so it does not go against my daily bandwidth allotment. Anyway, I spend a lot of evenings with my headphones on, once Jack is settled and Alex is home and settled, and can alert me if Jack needs me since I would not be able to hear him. I can sit here, and try to decompress, and block out the outside world, the annoying everyday sounds that just seem to grate on my nerves these days. It puts me in a bubble all on my own, which is very much needed. I can listen to sad songs and release my emotional pain, I can play upbeat songs to raise my mood, I can play edgy songs to let me get rid of my anger. It ranks right up there books, keeping me sane and offering me escape.

6. Sleep:

I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. On one hand, I adore to sleep, and hate to wake up. I love being snuggled in my super comfy bed, under my soft and warm blankets, in the dark, with the whirring of the 3 fans I have in my room to help me to sleep. On the other hand, I hate the fact that I HAVE to sleep. I have a schedule to keep, during the school week, which sucks. Even when I am exhausted, I hate the fact that I have to totally shut down my life (so to speak ) to recharge. I am fine when I WANT to go to bed and rest, I dislike it when I HAVE to go to bed, because of other things I NEED to do, while sleeping sometimes prevents me from things I WANT to do. Then there is the whole " TO tired to actually sleep" which is a special form of torture. I will not go into that now though, as this is a "happy things" post lol.

7. Mornings:

This one is probably shocking to anyone who knows me or reads here often, as I am a self-proclaimed night owl. However, in the morning, after Alex is on the bus, the mornings are starting to get cool, and I like being outside in it, and when I come home, Jack is usually still in bed, so I have a few moments of silence and the bliss of being alone, no one but the dog and I. Silence and being alone are two huge luxuries that I am not often awarded.

8. Blogs

I really love logging in each day and reading what everyone has posted overnight. I do not comment often, but I read everything. I love taking time out to catch up on my blogging friend's lives, and see what interesting things they have posted. I get to lose myself in their lives instead of worrying about my own for a change.

9. Being a Gamer:

I play video games. Console games mostly, I am a die hard Playstation fan, although I do want an X-box 360, there are some titles and perks with X-Box that do not come with the Sony systems. I will play computer games when I find one that holds my attention, but usually there is a console version of most games and I much rather play those. Those are the ultimate distraction, I am actively participating in a different type of life, living vicariously in that fantasy world, if you will. The truth is, sometimes reality sucks, and when there is nothing you can do to change it other than give things time to happen as they should ( like healing from a massive surgery for instance *ahem* ) then there is nothing wrong with a little escapism in my opinion. As long as the fantasy world does not overshadow and take the place of the real world, then I see nothing wrong with it.

10. Alex:

Yes, my baby girl. She drives me bat shit insane half the time, with her constant chattering, and even though I enjoy my "quiet time" when she is at school, by the time it is time for her to come home, I am missing her and the burst of energy she brings home with her every day. Sure, that means there is more to do for a while until homework, dinner, bathing, and hearing about her day went is finished, but the energy of the day changes the second she steps off the bus. In fact, it is now time to go collect my little fireball from the bus stop.

Have a great day folks!

Update on Jack...

( Just a note, I wrote this late Friday night, the 21st, but due to the late hour I am scheduling it to post Saturday the 22nd, so it is not lost in readers and news feeds. )

Hello folks.

Sorry for my absence from the blog. This week has been super busy and hectic. Jack had his second back surgery on the 18th, and it was a very long day. Once they got him opened up, they saw there was a lot more damage than they originally thought, and I had to sign consent for them to preform the rest of the surgery. A two hour surgery turned into a six and a half hour surgery. It was out patient surgery, so they sent him home afterwards, and the last couple of days have been rough. He is in a lot more pain than he was last time, and he is on some pretty intense medicines for it.

As much as he hates it, he has had to stay in bed other than getting up to go to the bathroom, and he is not even arguing about it, which lets me know just how bad it is.

Alex spent Tuesday night with my Mom ( thank goodness for her! ) but she came home Wednesday, so I have been taking care of them both. I have been running on very little sleep, and Jack is not sleeping much, so I get up when he gets up, yet I still have to be up at six a.m. to get Alex up and ready for school. I realized earlier today that I have only eaten twice since Tuesday night. I scarfed down some leftover curry the evening we got home from surgery, and then yesterday I ate some chips with a little bit of guacamole. That's it. Combine hardly any food with very little sleep, and I have been a walking zombie, ready to drop for the last several days.

I made up for the food issue today however. I have eaten four times lol. Small bits each time, but four times none the less. Alex and I made homemade Toquitos for dinner tonight. I did not document it on film for the blog, I was more concerned about feeding us and eating something myself, and spending some time with poor Alex, than I was about taking pictures.

I have been trying to spend extra time with Alex over the last couple of days. She is such a sensitive child, she worries about things, and she has been very worried about Jack, and she can sense I am running on empty, because she is constantly asking me if I am okay. What worries me the most is how hard this year has been on her; she is not quite eight years old yet, and she has dealt with more this year alone than most 30 year old people have gone through. She was smiling and laughing less, and that was breaking my heart, as she is a very effervescent child normally. I have been giving her extra attention, just she and I. Cooking together, watching a movie, extra time during homework, extra hugs, extra talking. Anything to see her smile again, and this afternoon she was a little better, so I hope that continues to improve. I took one of my new eyeliner pencils that I can not use anymore ( because the least bit of heat, even the natural temperature of my skin, makes it run down my face ) and drew on her face, basically doing face painting designs, and filling in the designs with some eye shadow colors I do not wear. I took pictures, but her eyes were so damn sad in them I can not stand to post them, they break my heart. I hate it when she is sad.

Back to Jack, he has 3 to 4 weeks of recovery ahead of him, then his follow up appointment with the doctor, and then he will have to go through physical therapy again. After that, I do not know what is going to happen. We will just have to wait and see, as this surgery was much more invasive and much deeper than the first one was.

So that is where we are right now, and until he is a little more independent my time online and on the blog will be a bit spotty. It seems that every time I sit down here to do anything, he or Alex need something, or something needs to be done in the house, that I feel like a jumping bean lol. So that is where I am, and what I have been doing. Please forgive my lack of a Thursday and Friday post this week, but as I mentioned on the Facebook fan page  earlier today, the thought of trying to string together cohesive thoughts into a blog post make me want to take a nap lol. I will be back more regularly when he is more able to get around and do things for himself. I just wanted to update everyone and explain my absence.

I hope you all have a great weekend, and for those who celebrate, have a Merry Mabon/Blessed Ostara!

A weird day...

That is what yesterday was for me. The whole day just had an off kilter vibe.

Good things and bad things happened yesterday. The first good thing to happen was that the guy finally showed up to replace our phone lines. Apparently the ones coming from the road to our house were old, and fried in one of the many recent storms we have had over the last month. The result was that we could not hear anything on our phone, due to the static and crackling sounds. Even trying to call something with an automated menu was impossible because you could not hear, and the interference was so bad the computer could not even tell which numbers we were pressing. This has been going on for over a month, and with doctors and lawyers and such needing to be called and to get calls from, I was very stressed out.

So dude comes and tells us he has to run new lines, and it will not take long. He told the truth. The Ditch Witch he had was a monster, and it ran the lines in no time flat.

Enter the first bad thing. As he was pulling the lines through the ground, he snapped the water line running from our well into the house...in two places. So we had no water. I started to freak, but the dude came prepared ( according to him most places never bury their water lines deep enough to protect them, resulting in a lot of breaks ) and in less than 45 minutes we had water again. This guy was cool, I liked him.

Alex and I were getting ready to go to her Open House for school. Jack was supposed to go with us but he had to wait around for the phone guy to make sure the lines were clear, and in case anything else happened. The guy got done right as Alex and I were loading up in the truck to head to the school.

Enter the second bad thing. The truck would not crank. Jack came out to look and listen, and he said the fuel pump was not engaging. So we were stranded. I go in the house and use the now crystal clear phone line to call Mom, and begged her to come get us and take us to the Open House. ( She lives about ten minutes away..) Thankfully she agreed. So we go and meet Alex's new teacher, who is a very nice lady, and get her bus schedule and let her go say hello to her friends and teachers she missed from last year. After explaining everything to Mom, she was going to see if maybe she could help us with the cost of a fuel pump, which is several hundred dollars, but she made no promises.

We get home and Mom drops us off and leaves, and I come in to make Alex and I something to eat, since Jack made his own dinner. A few minutes later he goes outside for a few, and when he came back in I asked him what he was doing.

"Cranking the truck.." he said.

Me: " How in the hell did you manage that?"

Jack: " Pfft please, I AM still a mechanic you know!"

Me: " So it's fixed?"

Jack: "Fixed enough for now."

Me: " Good enough for me, call Mom and tell her not to worry about the money for now."

So he did and  that was the end of that. There was some corrosion or something somewhere, I do not know, I leave that kind of thing up to him for the most part. Point is the truck runs...or at least I think it does, he has not tried to crank it yet today lol. Hopefully it will.

So now that all the drama of yesterday is over, today is the last day of "vacation" and I am excited. Here shortly after Alex finishes breakfast, we are going to do some cleaning and pick out her clothes for tomorrow. Later I will give her a shower ( giving her one in the mornings before school is just to taxing on me, it takes me a while to wake up and move around, getting old sucks sometimes lol ) and if Jack feels up to it, he is going to help me start Operation Blueberry, which is me dying my hair blue for a little while. I have to dye it blonde first and let it rest and heal a little before I put the blue on in like a week or so, maybe two. I need his help with the blonde as it has to be totally covered. When I dye it different shades of red it does not matter if I miss a streak or two, as I am naturally red headed, so it does not show up much. Red streaks mixed in with the blonde would be very noticeable, and while it may look interesting, my dark red hair will not take the blue dye..so it needs to be as even as possible. Hence me needing his help if he is up to it. We shall see.

Other than that, we are just going to hang out and enjoy a last day of not doing much before the early mornings and homework start. I am actually looking forward to it for the most part. Except the homework part. Her homework sucks lol.

Have a great Wednesday folks!  For those of you who have kids, have they started school yet?

Summer winds down to a close...

Good Monday Morning my lovlies! I hope your week is getting off to a great start!

Summer vacation is winding down to a close here in the House of Wolf, and I am glad for it. It has been a long and difficult Summer, and Alex has not had the best of vacations, as we did not get to do anything due to Jack being hurt, my Dad dying, and just general crap. I know she is anxious to get back to her friends and have some fun, and I am ready for her to have that as well, in addition to the relative peace and quiet I will have here.

I am looking forward to writing more here, and over at Planet Buddha, now that I will have more time to devote to it.

Tomorrow is Alex's open house, and they start school on Thursday, for half a day, with a full day Friday, which I find ridiculous. I never understood why the kids just can't go back on a Monday and be done with it.  I guess they are trying to ease the kids back in to it. But yeah, we are ready.

No new developments with Jack yet. Still no second surgery approval, and we have contacted a lawyer. I am not really allowed to talk about it anymore, due to insurance companies having people troll the internet looking for things to use against people when they get a lawyer, so until all that is over, I will not be mentioning it much. There is no change, he is not improving, as he has not had surgery, so I will leave it at that.

I am doing better myself. I have actually had a few days where I have not thought of my Dad at all, not the sad parts anyway. I still tell him goodnight and kiss his little container of bone dust before I go to bed, but I will probably do that for the rest of my life. There are not really any tears anymore. So healing is taking place.

Nothing else is really happening here at home, things are in a holding pattern until school starts, so we are just hanging around for these last few days until school routine becomes the norm again. Last night was the OFFICIAL start of Operation Bedtime, as all attempts last week died a fiery death, so I said to hell with it, I will start Sunday. Which we did. Of course, the bedtime is more for ME, since I have the issues dragging my ass out of bed that early in the morning. I am not so much worried about Alex, once school starts she will be tired and go to bed on time, just like always. Kids are very adaptive that way lol.

I got up at 8 this morning, although I was awake at 7, I was just enjoying the lounging in bed feeling, I do not get that often. All Summer it has been up all night, sleep most of the day and jump out of bed as soon as my eyes open because it is so late. So it was nice to lounge a bit and wake up fully. I feel good. As much as I am a night owl at heart, I like the routine myself when school starts. I will be fully ready to sleep in when next Summer rolls around, but for the most part, once we get on schedule, things will be great.

Things are about to pick up over at Planet Buddha as well, I can feel it. We have some new writers, and hopefully will have another here in the next couple of days. I have been blessed with an Admin role there, and I am SO happy and excited to be a part of the group there. Everyone there is so kind and intelligent and amazing. It feels like a second home. I feel really good about the whole experience and I am looking forward to working more there.

I think that about sums it up for this post. I am really excited about things to come, great things are in the works!

Have a great week everyone!!

I'm not okay with that...

Alex only has a week and a half of school left. Time seems to be flying by, but dragging at the same time. I am looking forward to not having to get up at the ass crack of dawn every day.

Her school, which is a small Charter school, has several "Fun Days" at school, for fundraising purposes. Things like Hat day, Pajama Day, Opposite Day, things like that. I have no problem with those. However, last week, Alex informed me that there was going to be a "Nerd Day" coming up. This did not sit well with me. I stewed on it all night, and the next morning I decided I would send a letter in with Alex on what I THOUGHT was going to be Nerd Day, which was last Friday...turns out it was that very day. So for one, Alex did not participate, not that I was going to allow her to do so in the first place. For two, I decided to send an email to the principal of her school. Here is what I wrote:

" I am writing because I have an issue with one of the "Fundraiser Days" that the school is having. "Nerd Day" in specific. Hat Day, PJ Day, Opposite Day; all of those are innocent, but I feel that Nerd Day is harmful. In a time where kids are taking their lives because they are considered different, I feel that Nerd Day is a form of saying bullying is okay, that it is okay for kids to make fun of people who are different than them.

Now of course I understand that is not what the day is SUPPOSED to mean, but I feel that it is teaching kids to make fun of others, that someone who is considered a "Nerd" is not someone to be taken seriously, that it is someone to mock. I am the mother of two teens and a first grader, of which the first grader attends *Insert School Name Here* and I have seen the damage that bullying can do to kids. I am lucky in the fact that my children do not view different as bad, but they were taught to give everyone a chance and not make fun of someone because they were different.

I am just not okay with "Nerd Day", and I was hoping that in the future it can be changed to something else. Pirate Day, Animal Day, *Insert decade here* Day. Something that is not aimed at one type of person, something that is not hurtful and has the potential to ostracize anyone, and make them feel mocked for being who and what they are.

I hope you will consider my thoughts, and give it some thought yourself. There are plenty of other things to do to raise money for the school and not potentially hurt kids.

Thank you for your time,
*Insert real name here*"

So yeah, I was not okay with that at all, but I was nervous when I sent the email. Would I be ignored? Would they make life for Alex hard because I was rocking the boat?

Turns out I need not have worried. I got a phone call not five minutes later, from the school principal. She apologized profusely, and said that when the middle school classes decided to host it, it did not sit well with her, but as she is new, and that is how they always did it, she did not thing to do any thing about it. She said that as the day was already almost over, there was not much she could do for that day, but she promised me that there would never be another Nerd Day or any other type of derogatory day from that point on.

She is a new first time mother herself, so I can only speculate that maybe she thought for a second about her own sons future, and what type of person he may be when he grows up, and how he might be the brunt of a stereotypical joke.

It felt good to know that I was able to facilitate even a small change, that might help my own or some other kid one day. It was the first time I have ever done something like that, and I admit I was terrified at what would happen, but I could not let it go, and still be able to look at myself in the mirror every day, knowing it bothered me so much, and not do something about it.

So that is what I did last week. For those out there who might want to speak out against something like that, but are afraid to, please do not be. Yes, I had a favorable outcome, and a lot of the time it does not work that way, but you never know until you try. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain!

The Help, being tired, and other stuff.

I just can not seem to find much energy these days. I do not know if my body is going through another healing spurt, if I am being drained by people, either on purpose or accidentally, or if I am just getting old or what lol. All I know is that I am perpetually exhausted and I am not even doing much these days. It has been cold and rainy, and now just cold, and that makes my ankle ache like crazy so maybe I am just expending all my energy dealing with that constant ache. I am still loving the cold snap we are having. It will not last long, back up to 80 next week but it is a taste of what is right around the corner.

I am making a big pot of chicken and dumplings tonight, one of my favorite Winter foods. I am excited. I made blueberry cheesecake muffins (although I did them in a skillet instead of a muffin pan lol ) for Perth and I for breakfast but he is still asleep. So I ate my half covered in warm butter. Yummmm.

Back to the tired thing. I guess I need to start taking my vitamins again. I mean, by 8 at night I am wishing I could be asleep already, which is crazy. I have two loads of clothes to fold and two to wash and at this point I rather burn them than to look at them lol. I need to sweep and mop but I do not see that happening today either. I did run the vac yesterday so there is that at least lol.

After meeting with Alex's teacher Tuesday I found out she is having trouble taking tests. Her homework and weekly work are great, but then she bombs on the test and it drags her grades down. Luckily her teacher is wonderful and gave me some pointers of things I can do with her here at home to hopefully make her more sure of her answers and make her more confident at test taking time. I have also gotten a lot of information and help from my friends about websites and things to ask her teacher, and I am very grateful for that! I also found out one of her textbooks, the reading and vocabulary one, is on the school's website in its entirety, so I can help her in real time when she gets home, using the exact lesson the teacher is using. She also told me she is bringing in a special teacher's assistant for the rest of the school year, to help the class with reading and math, since apparently Alex is not alone in her struggles. I have been working with her for quite some time every night on her homework and it is mentally exhausting...especially since she tends to get upset if she has difficulty and if there is one thing I hate, it is to see her cry, especially over things I can not just "fix" for her. I have to help her do this on her own. Her teacher said Alex is a joy, and she said she could tell I was a good Mom, because Alex was so loving and kind and helpful and happy and well balanced, and I found myself choking back unexpected tears to hear her tell me that. It made me feel so good. She said Alex was a hard worker, and very smart ( her other grades are fine ), she just needed a bit of help in the math and reading comprehension department. Jack and I, hell, my whole family, loves to read so I know that with some extra effort on our part we can instill a love of reading in her too. Well, I should mention she loves to read already, she is just having issues with the concept of stories and their purpose and what the author was trying to convey and whatnot. Considering the kids reading material, *I* have issues trying to figure out what in the hell the author was trying to convey with that nonsense lol. So it will involve some extra work on my part but if it will help her then I will do whatever it takes.

In between homework and sleeping, I have been reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett. It is about life in Jackson, Mississippi between rich white folks and their black domestic help in the 60's. It was a wonderful book, very poignant. Full of emotions, I laughed, cried and cheered to myself throughout the book. I am not quite old enough to have experienced all that first hand ( nor have I ever been financially rich enough to have hired help lol ) but living in the South, it is a part of Southern Culture so it was like reading something a friend wrote. I have been power reading it, telling myself it was because my Mom loaned it to me and had about 20 people waiting to read it after me, but the truth is, I hated to put it down. It was that good. I finished it yesterday and I can not recommend it highly enough. I know there is no way the movie can hold a candle to the book, but I really want to see it. I will do a full review later and add it to the book review page on the blog. Now that I am finished with it, I am about to begin Season of the Witch by Natasha Mostert. Perth and I were in the library Tuesday and I bumped into a shelf and the book all but flew off the shelf at me. So apparently I was meant to read this book lol..What are you gals and guys reading these days? I am always on the hunt for a good book!


Not much else going on here. I do not have the energy to do much else lol. I am looking forward to Sunday when we do the Breast Cancer walk. Then next exciting thing is the 31st when I go find out if I can officially stop wearing my boot. I only wear it outside now, I am healing much faster by not wearing it inside. My skin, where those sutures were being rejected and working their way out of my body was agony with the boot on, and since I stopped wearing it inside, my incisions are healing with lightning speed compared to how it was trapped inside that sweaty boot all day and night.

So that sums it up for today. I hope you all have a great day and a wonderful weekend!

Birthday Girls and pink bras.

I missed a day..or was it two? I know, I know, but it has been bat shit crazy here since Thursday. Alex's 7th birthday was Saturday and there has been a lot of preparation going on for that. Normally my Mom handles birthday festivities, as much of a cop out that is, but this year she is having a few health problems that prevented her from making one of her awesome birthday cakes and other things she usually does. I SUCK at party planning, especially birthday parties. Perth and I ran all over town Thursday and Friday, running errands and shopping for gifts and party supplies, ordering the cake, and so on and so forth. I ran into my sister at Wal-Mart Friday and invited her, not expecting her to show as we are not close, but to my surprise and happiness she did.

I did not invite Alex's class to her party, as most moms might do ( Is that a normal thing? Seriously, I suck at this..) but since my house is the size of a postage stamp we always have parties at Mom's and I did not want to drag 15 screaming 6 and 7 year old kids into her house lol. Not to mention other people's kids usually irritate the crap out of me but I digress. 

Saturday, the day of the party, we got up and got ready to go. Here is a pic of the birthday girl:

Then we headed to the store to pick up the cake. Yes, I suck at baking unless it is bread and my cake decorating skills are less than stellar.

The cake slid in the box and messed up the front left corner but it was still cute and tasted great.

Mom made Alex's favorite meal, potato soup and grilled ham and cheese and grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Never tried a grilled PB&J? Try it. It's awesome.

Next it was time to light the candles and sing Happy Birthday. Alex always acts weird when we sing to her.

The guy in the wolf shirt is Perth, and the guy in the background is my oldest daughters boyfriend Carl.

Cake all lit up:

The dude in the background is Jack lol...

After cake it was time for presents!

That is my Dad on the left and my eldest daughter wearing Jack's hat on the right.

That is Perth and my Mom in the pic above.

Pic above is my son Mike...


I took like 100 pics but I am not going to make you load all of them so here are a few more.

Perth again in the pic above...

I love that pic above of my son...

Alex, Mariah and her boyfriend Carl in the pic above...

Perth and Alex above...

My fluffy self from behind and my Mom cutting the cake above...yes my hair is red and black, I dyed my hair with Perth's leftover black on the bottom lol...

My great niece Brooklyn in the above pic. Not only did my sister show up bringing her two granddaughters, ( my great nieces ) her son Tyler, my youngest nephew, came and brought his wife and their son, my great nephew, Tristan. Alex was so happy!

Tristan above, with Brooklyn...

Sarah, Tristan's Mama on the left, Tristan in the doorway and Jade, my step-niece, on the right, playing catch with a balloon..


That sums up the pics for this post, I might post more in a later post.

 It was a really fun day. Alex really enjoyed playing with her little cousins and I was really happy my sister and nephew showed up. Food was great, Alex got a lot of great gifts, and she got to spend the night with her siblings and her Grandma and Papa. I served everyone everything and helped clean up, it was so nice to be at my parent's house and not be in a wheelchair or on crutches! I loved my daughter's boyfriend, it was the first time I got to meet him in person. He was so sweet and respectful and a lot of fun!

I was really nervous since this was the first time I took care of 95% of the party details, and it went off without a hitch and a lot of fun was had. It was a busy weekend!

Now on to the pink bra part of the post lol. I am so excited because next Sunday, the 23rd, Jack, Perth, hopefully my two older kids, Alex, and myself are going to be participating in a 5k walk for breast cancer. I have wanted to do this for ever, and this year the cab company that Jack is a mechanic for is a sponsoring team, so we are all going to walk with the boss Jack likes and is friends with and some of this co-workers, and Jack even gets to be in the parade. The cab company is running a special cab for the month of October, which is a pink cab with the breast cancer logo on it, really cute. Our team is called Breast Friendz and I am so excited to do this I can hardly stand it. You can go here and check out our team page and see the car, and if you wanted to donate a bit towards this great cause, it would be most appreciated. Check out the Breast Friendz Page!

So that sums up where I have been for the last couple of days and why I have been scarce. Lots of fun going on these days, and I am loving it!

Hope you all have a great week!